Help me w/this family issue

JM1226

Can someone help how I can let my mother know my feelings regarding this situation?  She lives 30min away...she also lives within 2 mi of my 2 sisters, one who she sees her kids on almost a daily basis.  For me, she can't see her granddaughter once a week and one time she went a whole month without a visit.  And the option for me to visit isn't there yet b/c I don't like to disrupt my DD nap...and I feel like she should visit me.  Also my sis doesn't have a job right now and she still asks my mother to pick up her DD over the bus at 12 (kindergarten) to go to the gym...get a facial...nails done etc... and I don't get one ounce of support at all and its been this way ever since DD was born.  I've been upset for awhile with resentment and anger b/c I can't even run to DMV or get a presciption without taking DD.  Yes, I never asked my mother to watch her while I run errands but wouldn't it be nice for her to offer once in awhile.  How can I relate this to my mother without getting upset or sounding like a b**ch?

babygirlcc

I understand where you are coming from but I would make more of an effort to take my DD to her if it were that big of a deal. A 30 min drive isn't bad and can be worked around a nap. You need to politely tell her how you feel and both of you make an effort to do better.

vernab

I'd be a little irritated too.  It's not like you live an hour away.  I don't like messing up the sleep schedule, either. 

I would just ask her if she could come over, like PP said.  Like if you have an appt, let her know in advance and say it would really help you out.  If you have an opening to talk about it, I would bring up that your DD hasn't seen her a lot lately and how you could really use a break every now and then to just run errands by yourself.  Say that you want them to have a good relationship, too. 

Try not to make it too much about you, and more about her and your DD spending time together.  I'm just throwing out ideas, good luck!

shellybell15

mooshagirl:

I would just ask her (politely) if she would mind coming over to watch DD every now and then when you need to run an errand.  Maybe tell her that DD misses her Grandma   I'm sure your sister is asking your mom when she needs to run errands.  Your mother might not be offering because she thinks that you don't "need" her.  Maybe all you have to do is just ask.  Couldn't hurt, right?

This is exactly what I would do. I live about 45 min from my parents and the IL. I take DS to see them all the time. If he has to nap there, that is fine. Maybe if you start making more of an effort she will too. She could be feeling the same about you never bringing LO to her house. My mom will ask to have him all the time, but with the IL's we have to ask them. But they always say yes and will drop anything to come help out if we need.

kimberleigh30

JM1226:

the option for me to visit isn't there yet b/c I don't like to disrupt my DD nap...and I feel like she should visit me. 

You can do this!  And you should.  One day is not going to kill your child.  Perhaps maybe suggest one week you drive to your Moms and the next week she comes to you. 

melody921

I would ask her if she could mind DD for you while you run errands, etc. I don't think you can get mad at her for not offering if you've never asked. It's possible, though not altogether fair, that she sees you as more capable and doesn't think you need help.

vmm0016

I think you both need to put in effort.  It is a two way street.  Ask for help and make an effort to see your mom.  My mom lives 30-45 minutes away and I see her every Saturday.  She comes to see me once a month and I go to see her 4 times a month. My brother lives in the same city as she does so we all meet up on Saturday's.  I ask her for help when I need it.  Your mom is not a mind reader.

beachgirl10

I would just ask her if she could watch your DD while you do ______.  Also, this nap thing is ridiculous, in my opinion.  If your mom only lives 30 minutes away, you could very well work out a visit around your child's nap. My mom lives about 30 minutes from us, and I make it to her house once a week and stay the entire day.  Like a PP said, you could also work it out to where you alternate weeks. She comes to your house ever other week while you go to hers the others.

She may feel like you have everything under control and don't need help.

IEtoLA

I would ask and you need to make some effort to visit. My ILs live 80 miles away and although I would rather not see them ever again, we take a drive at least 2 times a month to go see them.  We usually go first thing in the morning once DD is up and fed so that we can bypass weekend traffic, see the family for a bit and drive back during her nap.  If the schedule gets all messed up or has to nap a little later, she adjusts. 

My parents have always taken care of all the grandchildren.  My sister has 3 and they are all older than DD and have their regular schedules set.  My sister is also lazy and would take any opportunity to leave the kids with my parents.   When I had DD, DD had to work into their schedule as they are school aged and have been doing things the same way for years (the oldest is 13 and youngest 8).  I'm assuming your mother has always watched and helped them so this is probably a regular routine for her as well.  If you don't ask for help, how does she know you need it?  I know my parents would do ANYTHING for my family, but I tend to want to do things on my own and they don't ever volunteer to help unless I ask.  And I tend not to ask because I am more the responsible one and feel like I should be able to run errands on my own, whether DD is there or not.  It would be nice to not have her with me at times, but that's life.  Maybe because you haven't asked, she assumes you are doing ok. 

outnumbered

JM1226:

.  And the option for me to visit isn't there yet b/c I don't like to disrupt my DD nap...and I feel like she should visit me.

You can drive 30 minutes.  Your daughter will adapt to driving somewhere once a week. This is just an excuse because you resent the time your Mom puts into your sisters.

 .  Yes, I never asked my mother to watch her while I run errands but wouldn't it be nice for her to offer once in awhile.  How can I relate this to my mother without getting upset or sounding like a b**ch?

Why can't you just ask your Mom for help?  She is not psychic.  You need to communicate.   

jwthoms1

This may sound mean and I don't intend that but you sound a bit entitled.  Your mom doesn't owe you babysitting.  I don't live near any family.  It's not an option to ditch my kid to run errands. I had him and it's my responsibility to deal with him.  If the family does come to town and they want to watch him then great.  But they don't owe that to me.

Sounds like your mom is busy watching your sister's kids so she doesn't have a lot of time to come to you.  Either ask her to help you out or forget about it.  She doesn't owe you free babysitting.