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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
nbr: Thinking about relocating.. would you?
My DH is in sales for a company that has locations all over the US, with opportunities for relocating. Particularly, we're looking at the possibility of relocating to the Fort Worth, TX area. DH's base pay would be the same regardless of which office he's working in.
Pros: Cost of living is unbelievably cheaper there than here in NoVA. We could afford to buy a house. We like the area, (my grandfather lives nearby) and we both think TX is a good place to raise kids. Our kids are young, so they would likely adjust very easily. We feel as though we'll never "get ahead" while living here. We rent a nice 3 bedroom townhouse, but cannot afford to buy because of housing prices here. I'm a stay at home mom, so we sacrifice a lot for me to be home with them, but it's important to us. DH is not really tied down to this area, and would move in a heartbeat. And, even before we married, we both agreed that we didn't want to live in this area forever.
Cons: I've lived in Northern VA my entire life. I have a HUGE family, who I'm close to, and they all live nearby. My parents live just 10 miles away, and they're a huge support. I'm a stay at home mom, but anytime I need someone to watch the kids, (for a dr's appt, or just a grocery run, a date night, etc) she is happy to watch them. My mom would have a heart attack if she even knew we were seriously considering this. (And DH and I have agreed to not bring it up to my parents unless we're pretty certain that we WILL be moving.) There are a lot of unknowns for me when I think about moving to a different state, especially when it's several states away, so that's a bit scary. I know I'd miss my family like crazy, too, but at the same time, I feel as though I need to think more about MY family's (my DH and kids) best interest first. I feel like we will drown financially if we stay here. There is always underlying stress due to this.
What do you think? Would I totally regret this? Have any of you moved away, and, if so, were you glad you did, or do you wish you hadn't? Anyone with experience with this, or advice, would be appreciated. 
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Re: nbr: Thinking about relocating.. would you?
Personally, I would not. Having young children, I can't imagine living far away from family and I dont know how people do it. I think of how inconvenient it would be to take both kids to the chiropractor with me or find a sitter everytime I go. I love having the opportunity to do date night twice a month and knowing the kids are in good hands. I don't have to go through the trouble of actually finding a good sitter, paying them, etc. Plus, when I had DS, I was in the hospital for 3.5 days. It would have been a nightmare to try to find child care last minute, since babies come unexpectedly all the time.
My Dh has a similar job and we do have the opportunity to relocate to somewhere cheaper with DHs company but I will not at the ages my kids are now. I will consider it when the kids are school aged and it's easier.
I know that the area you are living in the cost of living is RIDICULOUS so I can completely understand that a move to another state would be really tempting. DH and I have discussed moving the the Charlotte, NC area since we got married. Right now, we own a condo, but we're under water. The area we live in is expensive too, and I would love to move to an area where we could buy a house for the same mortgage that we have on a 2 bdrm condo.
We've pretty much stopped talking about the move, DH doesn't want to move since we had DD. I could still be up for it though. I know that having family close by is valuable (our closest family is DH parents who are 45 min away, my family is 1.5 hours away) but you have to do what's best for you and your LO.
It's a big decision to make, I hope you guys can continue to discuss it and make the right choice for your family.
Do not understimate the value of having your family around you. Growing up all of my relatives were over three hours away. Sure we saw them on holidays and big events but you don't develop a real "personal" relationship with them. My cousins who lived nearby their relatives still having amazing relationships with them today even though their grown and have their own families. Now that I have a child, I encourage my parents & IL's to create a bond with my child. If I'm being honest, I'm jealous of the relationship DD has with them that I never experienced as a child.
I've never lived close enough to any immediate family that I can rely on for babysitting the children, so giving that up is not something I can comment on.
We did however just move from NC to CT about 9 months ago. It was a difficult adjustment at first. I left great friends that I had come to rely on to help out here and there with the kids and had babysitters I felt comfortable leaving my children with. It's a lot better now...I'm meeting people and getting involved with activities through the kids and just adjusted to a new place. Someone told me it really takes a full 2-years to fully adjust to a new place.
As far as help with the kids, would the decrease in COL be enough that you could maybe find someone to help you out maybe 2 mornings a week? I have a nanny who helps me 3 mornings a week. I do stuff with each kid separately one morning each and then have one morning that I use to do things like doctor appts, hair cuts and other errands (or just curl up with a book at Starbucks). It's worked out wonderfully and really makes up for not having family nearby.
I'll say that even though my kids have never lived closer than a few hour drive from any of their grandparents (when we were in NC, my parents were 14 hours away and ILs were 8 hours away), they have great relationships with all of them. THey come frequently for visits, we talk on the phone, we skype. The distance really hasn't kept them from having a close relationship with their grandparents.
I agree with you, though. You have to do what's best for YOUR family, which is now your DH and your children. If you don't feel you can give them the kind of life you want where you are now, I would definitely consider moving.
I'll say that 6 months is not long enough to fully adjust. If you had asked me in November (we moved at the end of May), I would have told you I was crying myself to sleep a few nights a week wanting to go back to Charlotte. I do still miss it, but I sort of got over the "hump" and am now warming up and getting used to this place. It feels more like home everyday.
Shortly after college, I moved 3,000 miles away from my family and friends and the home that I had lived in my entire childhood. I lived here happilly for almost ten years. I didn't get too homesick, was able to make trips back pretty frequently, etc. After a couple years, my mom and brother moved up here (mom got divorced after 25 years and needed a new start and bro moved his whole family).
Now that I have DD, I am heartbroken that we live so far away from my family and DH's family. If my mom didn't live here, I would move back in a heartbeat. DH and I are seriously considering moving, but he is pretty nervous about starting over after 20 years here and we don't know if we could sell our house. We really wish we were closer to family. For what it's worth, though, moving back to family would also help our finances considerably. So, we have two pulls (family and finances) making us want to move. We haven't decided to go because my mom and bro are really big reasons to stay put. I would only move if my mom decided to move too. My bro is on his own, though!
Am I the only one who moved and is happy that we did? We moved from New Orleans to Austin in 2009 (DS1 was 5 and I was 15 weeks with DS2). We LOVE being out here! The COL in New Orleans is higher than Austin (I am a SAHM now, back there it would have never happened). In NOLA, we owned a 2 br, 1400 sq ft house, in Austin we were able to buy a 2700 sq ft, 4 br 3 bath house, our mortgage is only $200 more per month.
Both of our families are in NOLA, but we make it a priority to visit about every other month, and in between, they come here. My DS1 and my parents have always been close, and they still are (we skype as well as the visits)
No matter what, we are now in a place where our kids will have a better education, less crime to worry about, tons of things to do, and a better quality of life. Do I miss my family? Of course! But this is what's best for me, DH and our kids. You have to do what's best for you, but in our situation, our life is better for having moved.
I won't really give an opinion on whether you should or should not move, I can just tell you my experience. We moved to Germany from Nebraska and we are now in Washington. We didn't have a choice though, that's why I can't really give an opinion if you should or not. Moving to Germany was great, and not just for the fact that I was in another country. Yeah, I didn't have my family but my close friends that I had quickly became my family and I am actually closer to a few of those friends than I am the ones I grew up with. We all didn't have family around. We traded watching each others' kids when we needed help. Here is Washington it has been more of an adjustment for me. I just didn't find those super close friends that I can trust (or even really feel like I could ask) to watch my kids if need be. We are getting ready to move back to Nebraska (where we are from) in the next few months and while I am happy to be around some of my family I am kind of dreading it. I just don't want to be in that area again and I get along with some family better when I don't see them that often.
Growing up some of my family lived in Colorado. I am actually closer to my cousin that lived there than the local ones even though we didn't see each other as often. I guess she told my grandma the same thing when she was there visiting. She has several cousins around her but she always felt closer to me and my sister.
I would relocated for better cost of living, and have done so. My husband and I moved from San Diego to Boise about ten years ago (I can't believe it's been that long!) because the cost of living is much lower and my husband actually has great opportunity for job growth here. I do not regret anything about it. It did take time to adjust and to meet people. I think having kids would help you with that.
I really can't address the family part of the equation, though. I haven't lived near mine since I graduated from high school. I see all of them 2-3 times a year, and my mom more frequently than that. I'm sure it would be nice if my mom lived closer, but I don't think we suffer because of the distance.
If the only real attraction is owning a home, I would be leery of moving. It would be difficult to go from having a strong support network to being totally on your own, and I'm not sure homeownership would be enough to offset that.
Of course, I can also say that it's doable. We live hours away from both our families and are fine with it. For us it's because we couldn't find comparable jobs in either of our hometowns and we just like where we live.
I've lived here all of my life, so I'm not sure how it feels to move so far away from family. That being said, I'd stress that you all continue to see family and continue family traditions. MIL moved H all over the United States for various jobs and no she wasn't military. H doesn't really know what it's like to be around family because after FIL left MIL she stopped traveling to see family. Holidays are just another day for H because that's how it was growing up.
I know NOVA is expensive, but maybe you can go down to Tx to stay for few days to check out things.
I wouldn't do it.
We currently live about 1 hour from all our family and it can be hard. It's too far for a quick sitter when I just have to go to the doctor or something so I always have to either bring DD everywhere I go or make arrangements with a babysitter (also pay a babysitter) or something else that is less than ideal. Even on weekends, if our families babysit at night they have an hour or more drive home which is kind of long for them. Even though our families are great about helping when they can, we'd get a LOT more help if we lived closer. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have them a plane ride away. We live in a very HCOL area too so I feel your pain on that, but I just don't think it would be worth leaving family.
DD february 2010 | DS october 2011
*please excuse my typos, bumping from my iphone*
That's a hard decision. The truth is having family close by is priceless. However you are building a life for your family. Being able to buy a home is really important to me (I know not everyone feels this way). I would do it. I was born in Texas (family moved to Canada when I was 3) but I have an older half-brother still there and I love visiting. Only you can know how much not having your family close by will affect you. Are your parents retired? Could they come to visit frequently? Could you afford to fly home often with the kids to visit? All things to consider. Good luck with your decision!
If you had asked me two years ago, I'd have said, "YES! Do it! There's a great big world out there to search and explore!"
But life changed drastically after having a child. DH is military, so we've literally lived all over the world (Japan, NM, GA, etc). While there are times that I love having our own little life that we've created for ourselves, I desperately miss my family. I missed them before kids, but it's completely different now.
Our families are 900 miles away, so it's either a full 12+ hours in the car or a plane ride to see them. It kills me that my son only gets to see his grandparents a few times a year. Yeah, the free babysitting would be an incredible perk, but it's SO much more than that. The meaning of family is so much more now...
I can see the appeal of establishing yourselves in an area with a LCOL...but at what price? If you weren't close with your family, I think this would be a fairly easy decision to make. But since it seems like you are, you can't underestimate the weight of that HUGE item on the con side of the list.
Very late to this post, but I wanted to say my DH and I moved from Chicago to Houston when I was PG with my twins and we are SO HAPPY here. We moved away from all our immediate family and knew NO ONE.
He is in Sales as well. COL was way cheaper here, lifestyle is so much easier, so much better school, enviroment etc.. to raise kids etc..
In the end, it all come down to your and your DH personalities. It was fine for me to move, I would move anywhere, because to me, our "main family" is me, my DH and our twins. We love our families and miss them of course, but the pros of our life and our future for our family well outweigh the cons of them not being near their grandparents, etc.. on a regular basis.
GL