DD bit 2 kids yesterday! + Daycare's not helping things....

Krisann79

DD has a biting problem and has bit people in the past.  We at home and the daycare are all working on it.  This is so stressful!  Yesterday DD got her first No No report.  Aparently she bit 2 kids!  In 1 day!  She has 4 molars coming in a once so that was probably having something to do with it but it sucks to walk in and hear that.  Apparently 1 bite left a mark the other didn't.  I just feel SO bad.  We've tried EVERYTHING!  Now I'm concerned that she'll eventually get kicked out of daycare over it. 

On another note to top things off DD was holding onto the wall and balling her eyes out.  She was genuinely upset.  I totally get it if she was in a time out.  I have to problem with it.  But the fact that he diaper hadn't been changed in awhile and she had a awful diaper rash from it I'm not ok with.  Also they (I assume all of the babies) hadn't had their snack yet. 

I am by no means saying it's ok that DD bit 2 kids.  I hate it.  But the biting 2 times + diaper rash from lack of change + crying and no snack tell me they weren't paying much attention to the class.  This is not normal for them so I'll write it off as a 1-off and work on DD's biting problem. 

WHAT A MESS!

zeptattoo

Does your DCP have a clause about biting (or something similar) in your contract?  If not, I would ask them now what their policies are etc.  I'm sure yours is not the first biter.

I would also give them a heads up about the diaper rash.  Yes, it might have been hectic that day, but they still need to know that you noticed it.  Good luck!

ESD_0707

fredalina:

I know. You'd rather she WERE bitten than to be the biter. We ended up having to pull Char out of daycare (well, they dumped her with NO notice -- seriously, Dh went to drop her off and they refused her) and get her a nanny. That was November. We're hoping to do 2 day weeks this summer and a couple of weeks of Vacation Bible School this summer to test if she can go full-time. She does fine at Parents Night Out, play dates, places with other kids, etc, so I'm hopeful.

Best advice I was given : don't listen to anyone's advice unless they personally raised a biter. They just don't understand.

I can't believe they refused your daughter!  Was it for biting?  That seems incredibly unprofessional and insensitive! 

Krisann79

zeptattoo:

Does your DCP have a clause about biting (or something similar) in your contract?  If not, I would ask them now what their policies are etc.  I'm sure yours is not the first biter.

I would also give them a heads up about the diaper rash.  Yes, it might have been hectic that day, but they still need to know that you noticed it.  Good luck!

Yes it's 2 or more bites a day they send them home.  Luckily they didn't! 

4 or more bites a week they have to go home for the rest of the week! 

 Anything above that and they'll have to talk about taking her out.

Honestly it's a very flexible plan.  I can't blame them but it really makes me sad that DD keeps doing this.  And we really might have to get a nanny that we can't afford. 

1SwtWld

G is a biter too.  I have the same worries that you do.  She's also getting molars in and biting when she's overwhelmed with all the kids or gets mad about something.  I'm trying to teach her to say "not nice" or something else to get her away from biting.  Daycare is incredibly flexible about biting and hitting at this age.  It's developmentally appropirate for them to be acting out.  They can't communicate great, they don't understand feelings very well or how to deal with them, and they're teething so they're super cranky.  My DCP has a rule, but I don't think it's a steadfast rule in the toddler room because of the reasons I just mentioned.  I think if the kid who bites draws blood, they get sent home.  G bit 2 kids the other day and we just had 2 papers to sign.  DCP and us at home are being very proactive about addressing this problem.  G gets an automatic timeout when she bites and hits at home.  We talk to her about her behavior in language she can understand.  We have the 2 books teeth are not for biting and hands are not for hitting, which we read to her at night (and she actually likes the books).  At daycare, they give her a cool teething toy, they pay close attention to the biters and try to avoid situations where they might act out, they redirect them, when the offense occurs, they put the kid in kind of a time out--they don't call it that but they sit them at the table with a book--and talk to them about not hitting/biting, etc. 

 

I've noticed G has improved but it does take time, especially when they are teething.  Hopefully some of this info helps.  maybe you can talk to them about these other ideas and see if they will implement it.

 

Fred, I'm in shock that your DCP just dropped Char like that.  It's so wrong. 

jennylove1084

DS is a biter too.  It seriously sucks.  Funny thing is he has never bitten at home or in the church nursery.  I have gotten 3 incident reports in one day.  I almost wish they would keep a closer eye on him, but the biting doesn't seem to phase DC at all.  They just comment that they will keep working with him.  Some days, they will tell me they caught him twice and stopped him before it happened.

I hope your DC is equally patient and understanding and she doesn't get kicked out. 

The worst part is DH's coworker's daughter is in the same class at school and DS bites her!!!  Ugh!

lcimera

DS bit 6 times in 1 day. Thankfully my daycare was understanding and tried to work with him. It wasn't too much a teething thing, it was because he was bored and not stimulated enough. I spoke to the director and they transitioned him to the toddler room a bit early. Once he moved over, he grew out of it. He was busier and didn't get into trouble. He is a very active boy.

But I was so concerned about the bitting, i read books, i called the dr, we spoke to him and told him not to bite, etc.

I would have a talk with the director and see what you guys can work out.

jwthoms1

Some times serious teething can cause diarrhea and diaper rash. I think I would let that go unless it happens again.  The standing by the wall crying would bother me because I think your ticker said your kid in 14 months.  I don't think a TO is appropriate for a 14month old.

The daycare should be monitoring better and keeping your daughter away from kids when she has potential to bite like in high crowded play areas and snack time. 

1SwtWld

jwthoms1:

Some times serious teething can cause diarrhea and diaper rash. I think I would let that go unless it happens again.  The standing by the wall crying would bother me because I think your ticker said your kid in 14 months.  I don't think a TO is appropriate for a 14month old.

The daycare should be monitoring better and keeping your daughter away from kids when she has potential to bite like in high crowded play areas and snack time. 

A time out is definitely appropriate for a 14 month old.  1 minute per year.  You keep it simple and say No Biting or something they can understand.  Perhaps the daycare didn't do it appropriately. 

SnowshoeMom

My son is not a biter, so I can't personally relate.  My sister was though.  She bit me repeatedly.  We have pictures in pretty white sleeveless sundresses where I have a giant black and blue bite mark with the imprint of teeth.

My mom is an early childhood specialist that was a firm believer in positive reinforcement and time outs as sparingly as possible.  Spanking was something she is vehemently opposed to along with any sort of physical punishment.  With the biting, time outs just weren't working.  She bit me and my mom constantly.  However, when my sister bit a fellow doctor's child, my dad bit her.  Hard, but not hard enough to leave a mark.  She never bit again.  I don't know that my mom was happy.  I don't know that I could do it myself.  It seemed to work though.  Unfortunately this probably won't help when it happens in a daycare setting though.

The good news is that she's now a productive 31 year old in society.  She's also tons of fun.  She still doesn't bite people.  Or at least not often.

Good luck!

Que*Syrah

I'm sorry. I can't imagine the stress of worrying about LO getting kicked out of daycare AND trying to figure out how to deal with the biter.

I don't have a biter (yet? lol) but I'm sorry you're going through this!

Mereou12

I was just about to post something about this...

DS is a biter, as well. He's not in daycare, so I'm not sure how frequent/bad the problem would be if he were around other kids daily. But he's done it once at the YMCA nursery, and did it again today at playgroup. For some reason, he's particular about who he bites -- there's one little girl at the Y that he goes after every time they're in the nursery together, and there's another little girl in our playgroup that he goes after, as well.

I'm SO overwhelmed and frustrated because I have NO idea what to do. Like PP said, I'd *so* much rather be the mother of the bitee than the biter. In the case of the little girl in playgroup, the mother is a good friend of mine, so I feel terrible that he keeps going after her. Just this morning, I saw it happen -- he bit his own hand, grabbed hers, and tried to bite it. Fortunately, I jumped in just in time to stop him, but I still couldn't help but feel awful....and like a terrible mother. Ugh.

I have absolutely no advice...but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone! I'm hoping that constant reminding ("biting hurts! we don't bite friends!") and time will get us past this.

 

SusieQ1982

1SwtWld:

jwthoms1:

Some times serious teething can cause diarrhea and diaper rash. I think I would let that go unless it happens again.  The standing by the wall crying would bother me because I think your ticker said your kid in 14 months.  I don't think a TO is appropriate for a 14month old.

The daycare should be monitoring better and keeping your daughter away from kids when she has potential to bite like in high crowded play areas and snack time. 

A time out is definitely appropriate for a 14 month old.  1 minute per year.  You keep it simple and say No Biting or something they can understand.  Perhaps the daycare didn't do it appropriately. 

In whose opinion? I have a degree in Early Childhood Education and Psychology and it is definitely not taught as appropriate. At this age you say no, explain what is wrong in a positive way (teeth are for eating) and then redirect. 

1SwtWld

SusieQ1982:

1SwtWld:

jwthoms1:

Some times serious teething can cause diarrhea and diaper rash. I think I would let that go unless it happens again.  The standing by the wall crying would bother me because I think your ticker said your kid in 14 months.  I don't think a TO is appropriate for a 14month old.

The daycare should be monitoring better and keeping your daughter away from kids when she has potential to bite like in high crowded play areas and snack time. 

A time out is definitely appropriate for a 14 month old.  1 minute per year.  You keep it simple and say No Biting or something they can understand.  Perhaps the daycare didn't do it appropriately. 

In whose opinion? I have a degree in Early Childhood Education and Psychology and it is definitely not taught as appropriate. At this age you say no, explain what is wrong in a positive way (teeth are for eating) and then redirect. 

Um, everyone has their own opinion on appropriate dicipline techniques, including you apparently.  A lot of professionals with more education than you say that time out is appropriate starting at 12 months.  It's an individual decision on what method of dicipline a person decides to use.    

Krisann79

jennylove1084:

DS is a biter too.  It seriously sucks.  Funny thing is he has never bitten at home or in the church nursery.  I have gotten 3 incident reports in one day.  I almost wish they would keep a closer eye on him, but the biting doesn't seem to phase DC at all.  They just comment that they will keep working with him.  Some days, they will tell me they caught him twice and stopped him before it happened.

I hope your DC is equally patient and understanding and she doesn't get kicked out. 

The worst part is DH's coworker's daughter is in the same class at school and DS bites her!!!  Ugh!

Oh no!  LMAO!  That's awful but the awkward situation is what I'm laughing at.  I bet work is awkward the next day.  I can see it now:  Hey man........ sorry