Guilty.
I know this has been talked about before, but I'm up way earlier than I should be and I can't help but think about it. So I'm going to go here since I know someone on the board can relate.
From the past conversations, I know this is hit or miss with everyone, but as I get closer to LO's due date, I really am feeling guilty about having a VBAC. Like going natural and having a VBAC is going to give me this moment with this baby that I never had with DD. and I know DD will have absolutely no idea and it means nothing to her, but it bothers me. Like I'm cheating her somehow.
I was put under general with DD1, and don't remember much about the first 12 hours or so of her life. I was told I held her, fed her, but I have absolutely no memory of any of that. And this experience is going to be so much more than that. I hope to be BFing this LO within the first hour. And just, that moment when she's born and I can have her right away, I never had that with DD1.
IDK, in my mind I know it's silly. I know I love DD1 and I'm going to love DD2 just as much and their births will be different but my love for them is going to be equal. They're different kids with different lives and a ton of things will be different between the two of them. My love for DD1 isn't going to change just because I have a better birth experience with DD2. Realistically, I know this. But emotionally, I'm still worrying.
I'm going to try to go back to sleep and wake up more level headed. haha.
Thanks for listening!
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
Re: Guilty.
I look at it this way. Having your first child is amazingly special - even if it was by c-section. She is my first love, always will be. So, having an amazing birth for #2, gives that birth it's own special memory. Evening the odds.
It's impossible to create the exact same life experiences for your children. I'm sure you spent tons of cuddle time with #1. With #2, you won't be able to do that, because #1 will still need to be cared for. But, it's those individual experiences that make us into the interesting and diverse people that we become.
You'll be fine - no guilt - enjoy this time!
Like PP said, that was really great advice and well written. I never even thought of it like that. I really appreciate you giving me a totally different perspective to look at it from!
Thanks!!!
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
I've said this before but it still holds true- what is the alternative? To put you under g/a again so you miss the first 12 hours, so things will be "even"? 2 experiences you aren't happy with? That's silly, you know that. I understand the guilty feeling though =(
Since you were under g/a I'm guessing the situation was quite an emergency- in that case you did exactly what you had to do to get her out in the safest way possible- just like you are doing this time. Different babies, different situations, same outcome- a sweet baby girl that you love.
It WILL give you a moment with DD2 that you didn't have with DD1, no question about it. Snuggling with your baby seconds after birth will be a priceless, beautiful memory for you that you only share with DD2. But the first memory you have of DD1 is just as precious, right? Very different, but still precious. That's nothing to feel guilty about!
FWIW, my mom had a c/s with me and hated it. We can talk about how much she hated it and I don't feel like it has anything to do with me or her love for me. I think by the time your daughter is old enough to understand the differences between her birth and her sister's, she will understand your feeling.
Hugs momma! You have nothing to feel guilty about. Good luck!
I agree with all of this exactly!