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3rd Trimester
From me to all of you...this funny toilet story
Ok, so this happened several weeks ago, but since we are all pissed off and ready to get these babies out of us, I thought I would share this funny story that happened to me. WARNING: MAJOR TMI!!!
So here's the background information: DH and I bought our first house in December and the owners did not want to fix any of the plumbing issues (they were all very minor issues) so our toilet downstairs had a bad pump. Because DH and I are very lazy, we went a couple of months without fixing it because it still worked if you banged on the back of the lid to let it fill with water. Yes, I am aware of the ghetto-ness of this situation. It would take a minute to fill so to be polite, we asked guests to "charge it up" for the next person before leaving the bathroom and give it a good bang. 
The only problem is that because the pump is bad and poorly adjusted, the suction in the toilet is mediocre at best, so you have to be careful how much...substance you put into it if you know what I mean.
One day, I come home from work, and in typical pregnant fashion, my bowels, who have been totally unpredictable, decide they want to be extra-efficient and I completely fill up the toilet. I think I lost about 5 lbs that day. This was completely unexpected, otherwise, I would have used the upstairs toilet that works properly. So I flush and the toilet is like "No." and while some of the smaller...uh..."items" go down, there is one big daddy log that refuses to even think about going down the hole. So I try again. And again. And nothing happens. Luckily, DH and I had bought a new pump, but he had not yet installed it and I have no idea how to fix a toilet but at this point, I cannot let DH come home and see this (I mean we're comfortable but that's a little much) so I think, "How hard can it be?".
Well apparently you are supposed to drain all the water before replacing this pump, because I untwist the old one and immediately the back of the tank begins to drain ALL OVER THE FLOOR! So I'm trying to screw it back in and I'm calling DH over and over and he isn't answering and the bathroom is flooding, all the while there is still a giant poo in the toilet. So finally I cut off the water, all the other water is drained into the floor, and the tank is empty, so I put in the new pump. I turn the water back on and the toilet flushes normally without being blugeoned so problem solved, right? Wrong. Apparently you have to adjust the pump to adjust the suction and make the toilet more efficient at sucking down the water.
So now here I am, there is poo still in the toilet, a flooded bathroom, and although you no longer have to hit it to make it work, I am back at square one. So I did the only thing I could think of...I went outside and found a stick, brought it inside and stabbed the poo log to break it down into smaller pieces that the toilet could handle. And voila! No more poo in the toilet!
Of course DH was upset because I threw the stick back in the yard and he says he picks up sticks out there all the time and will never know which one was the poo stick. Mwahahaha!
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Re: From me to all of you...this funny toilet story
OMG I needed that laugh today---- and believe it or not, I've been there. It sucks. I'm dying at the poo stick though--LOL.
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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Notes:
Caitlin 4.17.11 Madeline 10.20.13
Now THAT is never a good thing, lol. I'm thinking of the movie Dumb and Dumber...haha.
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Preeeeety much lol. I won't go into details but I was extremely intoxicated and when I told DH (then he was just my bf and STILL decided to marry me...god bless him) about what happened he started laughing and asked why I didn't just throw it out the window. The thing is, I probably would have but there were people sitting down below haha. Never drank that much again I can tell you that.
this is seriously hilarious!!!!! you just made my day!! lol
Oh no, not drunken poo! That's even worse! Haha. I thought about using some kitchen tongs to remove mine and throw it away, but then I thought I'd never be able to use them again even if I sterilized them and I didn't want to waste my only set of tongs...lol.
The poo stick.
Love it.