HELP! Tantrums are overwhelming :(

4StarFamily

I need HELP!  I feel so completely rundown and helpless...

My DS is 17 months old and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant, exhausted, worn out and not catching a break from DS's tantrums.  He is a completely different child for my husband than when he is with me.  My husband works 2 out of 7 days a week so is basically the primary caretaker and has absolutely no problem with him during the day.  Once I walk in the door it seems that all hell breaks lose and the crying, screaming, throwing toys begins.  I read some online advice awhile back that I used which was to walk in the door from work and immediately give him 30 minutes of my direct, undistracted attention before changing clothes, starting dinner, etc.  It seemed to work really well as I was then able to go into another room for a moment after that time together and he would be fine.  However now, it is an everyday ordeal sometimes all day if we are home alone.  DS seems to spend most of his day throwing tantrums and crying and I simply don't know what to do.  We play outside, we play inside, we keep Yo Gabba Gabba (his obsession) on the TV almost all day.  If I sit on the couch for one moment with my attention elsewhere he loses it and I certainly don't take him in public anymore after a few meltdowns this past week. My emotions are taking a toll  any clue on why he lashes out with me and not for my husband?

Does anyone have any advice or going through something similar?  I think at this point even if no advice is offered I just need to know that I am not alone.  TIA

vmm0016

LOL, my DD did this too.  I would just let her cry on the floor.  After a few times, she realized I was not going to deal with her being a maniac.  If she is sick I give her the free pass though.  I read somewhere try not to reason with them because it will just make it worse. 

Linz29

Read 123 Magic.  You can start it at 18 months.  It made a huge difference in my LO and me!  I hope you find some answers.

musicamh

vmm0016:

LOL, my DD did this too.  I would just let her cry on the floor.  After a few times, she realized I was not going to deal with her being a maniac.  If she is sick I give her the free pass though.  I read somewhere try not to reason with them because it will just make it worse. 

This.  Somewhere along the line he is getting something from this.   To me it sounds like attention.  Take something away.  I tell my daughter if you do this you don't get that (i.e. your one episode  of dora or Diego tonight).  If that doesn't work she gets flat out ignored until she gets up and then we discuss her inappropriate behavior.  Good Luck Mom.  It will get better.

2-Step

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Kids are so tough sometimes and I'm sure being pregnant doesn't help at all. My DS has recently started some of the same behavior. The only thing that helps with him is if I give him LESS attention when he whines. I say - No whining, you need to tell mommy what you want. If he still throws a tantrum I leave the room. Once he has slightly camed down I go down to his level and calmly tell him that we don't act like that and it is not acceptable. Then I ask him if he understands and ask him to give me a hug. Usually this works, but he is back having another tantrum a few hours later. It's a process of repitition that is starting to add up though. Don't feel bad about this, he is trying to get your attention and as long as this works he'll continue to do it. Also try distracting him before you leave the room. I usually say - Daddy reall wants to play ball with you while mommy makes dinner! Or Mommy needs to talk on the phone for a minute - how big of a tower can you build while I'm on the phone? Somtimes that helps. Sometimes not. Hang in there!

4StarFamily

I really appreciate all the advice and understanding of my circumstance.  I honestly don't think I have thought up to this point he could actually understand what I'm saying to him but maybe he does!  For example, having a direct conversation with him and letting him know that I am serious about his behavior and/or will take something special away from him.  I did have a heart to heart with my husband this weekend after he allowed DS to follow me around the house screaming for my attention and just sat in the living room... I kind of jumped his tail in my fragile hormonal state and told him he needed to make a huge effort in helping distract DS while I got dressed for the day, did laundry or packed the car trying to head out for errands.  It seems he understood   Also, can't wait to check out the book.  Thanks again!! xoxo

tuxcat

I hate to say this, but this really did work here. disclaimer... I'm also not pregnant. that totally changes things, i remember that.

DH and I spent a day or two together with DS. every thing was together, every diaper change, meal prep, EVERYTHING. I saw how they interacted and how DS and I interacted. I didn't realize that DS and I tend to feed into each other a bit but we also have a solid routine for bath that DS and DH fall apart over!  I started modeling some of DH's responses (or lack thereof) and DH did the same with me.  DS was TOTALLY CONFUSED, but was consistent when we were the "unified front." Now we do it if one of us has beef with DS during a particular time and the other has success, just to see how the other does it. 

now, we basically treat DS the same for all parts of the day. he's as good as it gets for am, afternoon, pm, bath, bed, etc. no matter who has him (but it's mostly me, LOL!)  We also still have meltdowns and bad days, but I can see where I run the train off the tracks now, and DH too. good luck!!

 

D.Smith

when DD starts up I pay her no attention, then she gets it together