Another Clicky: Do you know how much $ SO makes?

shoeboxx · March 2011

H was telling me some guys on his job were saying they never tell their spouse/SO how much $ they make. I thought that was odd, but I was wondering if others feel the same way. H knows how much I make, I know how much he makes, no secrets.

Do you and SO reveal your salary amounts?

[Poll]

memali26 · March 2011

I'm a SAHM, and we do our budget together. I have to know how much he makes so I can work our budget. And, personally, I feel that finances are a joint venture once your married, so no secrets.

4realyo · March 2011

i know what dh makes (i write the paychecks since i keep the books for his company). i do not think he knows what I make. i take care of all finances and make about 3x what he does.

Baby0322 · March 2011

That is crazy. My thought is that their spending money on things and doing things their not supposed to be doing. Why else would you feel the need to do that?

slmcronelaw · March 2011

Yes, we have no secrets about finances.

shoeboxx · March 2011

Baby0322:
That is crazy. My thought is that their spending money on things and doing things their not supposed to be doing. Why else would you feel the need to do that?

That's what I was thinking.

lifesadance · March 2011

I've taken care of both of our finances since well before we were married (for probably 9-10 years now) so, yes, I know exactly what he makes and even though he doesn't handle the bills, he knows exactly what I make. We also have a joint account only so there are no secrets on how much $ is coming in or going out.

emiliemadison · March 2011

I think it is BEYOND irresponsible (of both people) to not discuss financial info. What are they hiding? And why would the other person feel ok with being in the dark about such an important factor? One of the main reasons for divorce is finances. I can only imagine that hiding/not asking for that info would only put you there faster.

shoeboxx · March 2011

emiliemadison:
I think it is BEYOND irresponsible (of both people) to not discuss financial info. What are they hiding? And why would the other person feel ok with being in the dark about such an important factor? One of the main reasons for divorce is finances. I can only imagine that hiding/not asking for that info would only put you there faster.

I agree. They also told the job not to send any pay stubs or anything to their house. WTF...that sounds sneaky as h3ll to me!

slmcronelaw · March 2011

shoeboxx:

emiliemadison:
I think it is BEYOND irresponsible (of both people) to not discuss financial info. What are they hiding? And why would the other person feel ok with being in the dark about such an important factor? One of the main reasons for divorce is finances. I can only imagine that hiding/not asking for that info would only put you there faster.

I agree. They also told the job not to send any pay stubs or anything to their house. WTF...that sounds sneaky as h3ll to me!

Super shady!!!

juliane2004 · March 2011

memali26:
I'm a SAHM, and we do our budget together. I have to know how much he makes so I can work our budget. And, personally, I feel that finances are a joint venture once your married, so no secrets.

This exactly. I do not understand couples that are married but say "we have our own accounts, and if I'm short one month, I borrow from my hubby then return it when I can. (etc)" or like "I pay for my bills and he pays for his bills" or "I bought dinner tonight, so hubby buys it tomorrow".

I just think that it's all communal money:
- it's not "I paid" or "he paid", I think it's we paid.
- it's not "my bills" or "his bills", it's our bills.

etc

(Of course it would be annoying about the possible secrets, but it bugs me more that the wife says she has to borrow from her hubby. Um, no. It's all your money together. That bugs me the most.)

DEBBIE33CASEY · March 2011

DH and I both decided when we were going to get married that we would do our finances together. We decided that one of us would busily pursue a career and one of us would have a job so that we could support each other. If the one with the job later decided they wanted a career that we would be fair in whatever it took to support each other. DH and I sort of compromised when I told him I wanted to move back to the city my parents lived in. Since that wasn't exactly his "dream city" I agreed to take the job while he took the career. And since I wanted to eventually be a part time Mom I was happy to make that sacrafice. I pulled a lot of extra weight around the house and with DD when DH wanted to go to graduate school and I did that support while he studied. So while it's technically his paycheck, my income also helps pay his school loans. We do a budget that works for us between both our paychecks. So long story short, with how we have our budget worked out, I think it would be sneaky and underhanded of him if he were keeping certain things a secret; including income.

MarMat · March 2011

**sigh**

this is a hard topic for us. I do not know how much my DH makes, and honestly, I don't think he knows either.

He has his own business and pays the bills. I pay for insurance (health, cars) and almost everything else goes into our joint savings account.

It has been hard when his business isn't doing well, because he still wants to have the same lifestyle. And is so frustrating for me, as I'm a control freak.

kcisthebombdotcom · March 2011

juliane2004:

memali26:
I'm a SAHM, and we do our budget together. I have to know how much he makes so I can work our budget. And, personally, I feel that finances are a joint venture once your married, so no secrets.

This exactly. I do not understand couples that are married but say "we have our own accounts, and if I'm short one month, I borrow from my hubby then return it when I can. (etc)" or like "I pay for my bills and he pays for his bills" or "I bought dinner tonight, so hubby buys it tomorrow".

I just think that it's all communal money:
- it's not "I paid" or "he paid", I think it's we paid.
- it's not "my bills" or "his bills", it's our bills.

etc

(Of course it would be annoying about the possible secrets, but it bugs me more that the wife says she has to borrow from her hubby. Um, no. It's all your money together. That bugs me the most.)

ITA.

soontobe05 · March 2011

People really do that? That's the weirdest things I've heard in awhile! I feel like it would be a lot harder to figure out bills and such if we didn't know these things. Plus, it sounds like from what you're describing that they are totally hiding something. How shady.

shoeboxx · March 2011

MarMat:

**sigh**

this is a hard topic for us. I do not know how much my DH makes, and honestly, I don't think he knows either.

He has his own business and pays the bills. I pay for insurance (health, cars) and almost everything else goes into our joint savings account.

It has been hard when his business isn't doing well, because he still wants to have the same lifestyle. And is so frustrating for me, as I'm a control freak.

I think this is a different situation because he isn't getting a paycheck ever so often. I mean people who work and receive a paycheck from their employer.

shoeboxx · March 2011

soontobe05:
People really do that? That's the weirdest things I've heard in awhile! I feel like it would be a lot harder to figure out bills and such if we didn't know these things. Plus, it sounds like from what you're describing that they are totally hiding something. How shady.

This is what I told H. A lady I used to work with had her car repo because her husband would tell her he only had $xxxx for bills, so she worked 2 jobs to try to keep the bills up, but fell behind on her car note. Lesson learned, now she splits the bills down the middle.

etude de la vie · March 2011

I know a ball park figure. His bonus every year is variable but I pretty much know his base.

Singingmama · March 2011

DH and I have been sharing finances since before we got married. We were together for 8 years before we got married and there were points in time, while we were dating, that one of us was supporting the other one. When DH was in the fire academy, he didn't have time for a part time job and so, I found a part time job and we lived off of my income and what was left over of his student loans. Fortunately, we were both living in dorms at the time, so we had very limited monthly costs.

When I was student teaching, DH was in a job that paid extremely well. He paid all of my monthly expenses while I was student teaching, so that I didn't have to work a part time job, on top of, student teaching.

Now, I handle all of the finances (because I'm a control freak) and all of our money goes into a joint account. I don't know exactly what DH makes in a year, but that's only because his job is paid by the hour, not salary. DH knows exactly what I make, but then again, my salary is public knowledge, lol! We always pay for things together. It's been a long time since we've had our own money and I like it that way.

lilwildthing · March 2011

My husband and I keep all of our money separate and always have. There is nothing sneaky or shady about it. We both brought credit card and school loan debt to the marriage and just thought it would be easier. Here we are almost 11 years later, it works for us. I have an idea what he makes and if I asked he would tell me. (I know what he makes yearly, but it is different each paycheck due to expense accounts.) I have access to all of his accounts though so I could find out easy enough. (He wouldn't mind if I looked.) He also has access to my accounts. He makes way more money than I do so he pays most of the bills. I take care of the things little man needs. I know a lot of people think it is bizarre but again, it works for us. I have wished he would let me handle his money though, since I am better with money in general! Smile

memali26 · March 2011

MarMat:
**sigh**

this is a hard topic for us. I do not know how much my DH makes, and honestly, I don't think he knows either.

He has his own business and pays the bills. I pay for insurance (health, cars) and almost everything else goes into our joint savings account.

It has been hard when his business isn't doing well, because he still wants to have the same lifestyle. And is so frustrating for me, as I'm a control freak.

I think your situation is different than what the OP is describing. It doesn't sound like your DH is hiding it from you, or you from him - you just have a greater variance in what comes in each week/month/whatever.

I just can't understand keeping secrets like the OP describes in marriage, period. About finances or anything else. A marriage is a partnership, and how can you be partners if you are hiding things from each other?

shopgirl78 · March 2011

It's complicated and differs month-to-month. He has his own small business. So, if you asked me how much he made last month. I couldn't tell you at this point, I am not sure if he could either : ) But I can tell you what's on paper from last year.

We have one HOME account and he just contributes money as I ask for it (it's fair). The rest he keeps for his business and pay off a business loan. He does his business account. We have savings but its under the business's name. ETA: the business is in both of our names so I am not getting screwed.

12bailey18 · March 2011

I know round about how much DH makes but not exact numbers. I'm, honestly, not too concerned about it. We each have our own accounts but have access to both. If I needed to look at his (which I do on occasion since our savings account is on the same page online) or had concerns I'd look into it. But we've got a good system down so it's not a big deal to me.

FutureMrsBB · March 2011

Whenever I was dating someone I always kept that information private. When H and I first moved in together and bought a house shortly thereafter it was very important to both of us to discuss everything jointly. I can't imagine living in a marriage that my spouse didn't discuss his salary with me. That feels like a lack of trust.

Torani · March 2011

Being that I do our taxes and I write the checks for bills each month, I know exactly how much he makes! He does do some tutoring on the side, and I have no idea how much he gets from that, but that's his "fun money."

rubyshoes7 · March 2011

I dont think I could be married to someone, let alone raise a child, and not know. There's no reason to hide that information.

PiRSquared330 · March 2011

I do not think I could stay married to someone who PURPOSEFULLY lied to me about our financial situation.

That is horrendeous.

That being said: I probably won't know on a regular basis in the near future. H is starting his own business this august. I'll know the basics and I know we will discuss it a lot, but how much he makes will be complicated, especially in the begining. We are budgeting on my salary alone until his becomes more predictable.

NewMrs52106 · March 2011

How would one not share if they were married? I mean, house payments, bills, LO's expenses have to come from somewhere--do they just split it down the middle? Seems odd to me. Even if accounts are kept separate, why would you not tell your spouse how much you make and vice versa? Seems shady/secretive.

rebus82 · March 2011

I don't know how much DH makes simply because he does all the financial stuff. He also gets a lot of overtime, awards, bonuses, etc. so the amount can vary drastically from paycheck to paycheck. I know the range, just not the exact dollar amount.

shellybell15 · March 2011

juliane2004:

memali26:
I'm a SAHM, and we do our budget together. I have to know how much he makes so I can work our budget. And, personally, I feel that finances are a joint venture once your married, so no secrets.

This exactly. I do not understand couples that are married but say "we have our own accounts, and if I'm short one month, I borrow from my hubby then return it when I can. (etc)" or like "I pay for my bills and he pays for his bills" or "I bought dinner tonight, so hubby buys it tomorrow".

I just think that it's all communal money:
- it's not "I paid" or "he paid", I think it's we paid.
- it's not "my bills" or "his bills", it's our bills.

etc

(Of course it would be annoying about the possible secrets, but it bugs me more that the wife says she has to borrow from her hubby. Um, no. It's all your money together. That bugs me the most.)

I disagree, I think couples should do whatever works for THEM (not you). But keeping it a secret is totally different. My parents got seperate bank accounts as soon as my mom went back to work when I was like 5. It works for them. My mom has certain bills she pays and my dad has his. Then the rest of their money is spent however each sees fit. Each knows how much the other makes, and for big purchases it is "their" money. No borrowing. But it helped stop the arguing about the small day to day purchases.

PiRSquared330 · March 2011

Julian: here is an example of it making sense. My mom and step dad got married two years ago, after dating for 21 years. They've both been married before and have had very sucessful careers. After 60+ years of doing things their way, it would have been crazy (IMO) to combine all of their finances. Plus, it would have been a financial planning night mare (and that is my moms industry).

It might not make sense to YOU but it does to some people. They are both well aware of what the other makes (my mom especially because she does their taxes, haha) but they do have seperate accounts.

penguingrrl · March 2011

I completely understand having separate finances in a marriage and know many couples for whom a joint account is not desireable (for various non-shady reasons). I respect that and fully understand that different things work for different couples. But, it sounds completely shady to not know what your SO earns.

Plus, I'm pretty sure that if you're legally married and your spouse defaults on debt you can be held responsible, even if you were unaware of the debt. So it would be foolish to be unaware of whether your SO can afford that new car or even that bag of groceries they just bought.