Do I have to convince everyone?

AmyLaurel89

I'm 15 weeks and planning to have a natural birth, ideally in the tub at a local birth center. When friends and coworkers ask about my pregnancy they often tell me that I better get that epi cause a friend of a friend of theirs had some terrible experience with birth, blah blah blah. I have scoliosis in the lumbar portion of my spine which means increased risk of paralysis or death from an epi or spinal. After lots of research, I have decided to just forego the meds all together and opted for water birth and relaxation techniques.  

This is the point in conversation where my "friends" say I'll change my mind. One male coworker even said "Oh sweetie, its your first and you think you are all Zena Princess Warrior but you'll come around and I bet you'll beg for that Epidural." 

So my question is: Do I need to explain my decision to everyone? I feel obligated to educate the ignorance out of them. (My standard response is that women have done this for hundreds of years before painkillers.)

Why is there such little support for the natural birth?  

Marsee

You'll go crazy trying to explain it to everyone. Pick your battles and remember that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I think there's a lot of ignorance (which is sometimes perpetuated by doctors) and a lot of women are terrified and see epi's as a good route. I once thought this way, but the more I educate myself the less scared I become and I know I can do this. Like you said women have been doing this med-free for for thousands of years. . . and so can I.

MilMom2B

I honestly believe this opinion is largely based in fear, propaganda, and lack of education on the subject. I, too, sometimes feel that I need to defend natural birth, just to try to get one more person to see the logic in it. However, we'd all end up crazy if we tried to convince everyone. Personally, I don't think it's anyone's else's business. It's one reason I don't bring it up, if someone else does, I don't lie or skirt the subject, I tell it like it is. I hope the people around you smarten up and realize that no matter what your choices are, they're not being helpful by trying to scare you.

hiltyn78

AmyLaurel89:

 I have scoliosis in the lumbar portion of my spine which means increased risk of paralysis or death from an epi or spinal. After lots of research, I have decided to just forego the meds all together and opted for water birth and relaxation techniques.  

 I have a friend with a rod in her back for scoliosis and she had TWO perfectly uneventful med-free births with two perfectly beautiful children.  You can do it!  And no, you don't needt o explain yourself but feel free to come back all smug and proud when you do see them afterwards; )

misssurly

I've had the exact same conversations (oh, it's your first, you'll be screaming for the epi!) and after a couple of those, stopped telling people my plans if/when they asked. I think there's little support because people think why feel pain if you don't have to... but there are many other reasons for natural med-free.

I started answering that I was looking into my options and being purposely vague ... I know what's best for me and my baby and I don't need to explain that to anyone! I also know I am aiming/preparing for a med-free birth but trying to stay flexible because there are things that are out of my control. I don't want to be disappointed if my birthing plans change (csection, long labour etc.) and possibly require a bit of medicinal help.

amanicen

hiltyn78:

AmyLaurel89:

 I have scoliosis in the lumbar portion of my spine which means increased risk of paralysis or death from an epi or spinal. After lots of research, I have decided to just forego the meds all together and opted for water birth and relaxation techniques.  

 I have a friend with a rod in her back for scoliosis and she had TWO perfectly uneventful med-free births with two perfectly beautiful children.  You can do it!  And no, you don't needt o explain yourself but feel free to come back all smug and proud when you do see them afterwards; )

This!! That was one of the most rewarding parts after LO was born. I got to prove my grandma wrong; she'd been telling me for 6 months that I'd give up and beg for an Epi since I wasn't strong enough to go med-free. Seeing her face when I was up & walking around & not in a drug haze just 4 hours after birth was totally worth dealing with negative comments in the months leading up to delivery.

kgunz11

Feeling the need to defend my decision is EXACTLY why we haven't told anyone about our plans.  No one in my circle of friends and family has even asked about our plans (mainly b/c I think they just assume we'll go the epi route like everyone else around here). 

My hope is that I get to wait until my 9th month to have the conversation with anyone and it'll go something like this, "After lots of research and careful consideration, we have decided on a med-free birth for our child.  As a result of this, I'll be laboring in multiple positions and focusing on breathing.  Therefore, we will not be accepting any visitors in the delivery room before LO is born.  We look forward to seeing you and having you meet LO once we've had an opportunity to bond as a family."

Heck, that sounds so good I might even print it on business cards to hand out!

monkeyqueen

You don't have to explain anything.  If you don't want to get into these conversations, then don't.    

MissAmber23

We are not planning to tell people what our plans are this time around. I'm hoping for a homebirth, or if that doesn't work out, then a birth center (I'm meeting with potential CNMs this month to decide who to go with). But I know that my MIL will be completely NOT supportive of us considering homebirth, and I don't want to hear her opinion on it.

stahlop

The most satisfying part of natural birth is rubbing it in people's faces after the fact.  No, not really, but after all the crap I got about it, I was so proud of myself for doing it naturally (and at home).  I can totally understand why women get epi's now, but I still wouldn't want one.

marriedfilingjointly

I agree with SouthSide and Monkey. 

I don't have this problem because I don't engage in conversation with people about it.  

wnk1029

Last time around, I tried to keep it real short and simple and just tell people that I had done a lot of research and felt this was the best decision for our family.  That usually ended the conversation pretty quickly. 

I think it'll be easier this time around because I have "been there done that" and KNOW I can handle it.

khrisitnagable

MilMom2B:

I honestly believe this opinion is largely based in fear, propaganda, and lack of education on the subject. I, too, sometimes feel that I need to defend natural birth, just to try to get one more person to see the logic in it. However, we'd all end up crazy if we tried to convince everyone. Personally, I don't think it's anyone's else's business. It's one reason I don't bring it up, if someone else does, I don't lie or skirt the subject, I tell it like it is. I hope the people around you smarten up and realize that no matter what your choices are, they're not being helpful by trying to scare you.

 

I don't bring it up either and I am very vague about my birth plans if it does come up. For me, it is very personal and not something I want to discuss with everyone. It's my body and my choice and I want a natural birth. I don't understand why people think they can ask you anything when your pregnant. It's like normal privacy rules go out the window and it's a question free for all. Excuse me but when it involves my uterus, vagina and breasts- probably not your business.

laurasuzanne2006

nope.  I have no problem sharing my opinions or plans for a homebirth, but if someone disagrees, just say screw em

blainethetrain

I live in a town that's a little crunchier than most I think, and I've found that you get flamed a lot faster if you aren't planning a natural birth. No worries for me since I am going the natural route, but I still think it's weird that people ask the question. I mean, my plans for my vagina never used to come up in casual conversation. I also think it's really crazy when men have anything to say on the subject.

BrideNamedMeg

I had a couple of people say things like that, but overall I think how I put my plan across (to the few I talked about it with) made it clear that I wasn't looking for their opinion

 Now after two completely med free births, one at the hospital and one at home, no one can EVER tell me I'll be begging for an epi.  My DS was 9lb 5oz and posterior and I made it through without once asking for an epi...even if I did think about it a couple of times!

Barring medical complications or one of those extremely rare circumstances, I think anyone who is really committed to going med free can do it.  Having a good support person during labor makes a huge difference though, I know I couldn't have done it without DH either time. 

 

erinms

I do not think you need to educate them.  

Just say (literally) "lalalalala- I can't hear you- I am in my magic world where birthing is pain-free".  It's kind of a joke, but the whole point is to shut the people up.  If you try to argue they will just keep talking.  Unless it is someone you really trust and want to discuss it with, you really just need to shut them the hell up.  And a joke (often at your own expense) is a good way to do that.

Honestly, your opinion on natural birth probably won't hold much water with anyone until you have actually had a natural birth.  And then you can tell them how great it was and how well you did.  But until then they will just think you don't know what you are talking about- and it isn't worth your precious energy to try to educate them. 

lalalaurenx0

erinms:

I do not think you need to educate them.  

Just say (literally) "lalalalala- I can't hear you- I am in my magic world where birthing is pain-free".  It's kind of a joke, but the whole point is to shut the people up.  If you try to argue they will just keep talking.  Unless it is someone you really trust and want to discuss it with, you really just need to shut them the hell up.  And a joke (often at your own expense) is a good way to do that.

This. My baby shower is this saturday and I knowwww for a fact my MIL will be telling everyone about my decision. When I get heat for it, all I plan to say is "Oh it will be great despite the pain, trust me. YOU don't have to worry about it." 

jhurst1986

Not at all...I don't see how people can seriously try to tell someone what they can and cannot handle. I am in the same position (having Scoliosis) and my doctor told me I would be fine having an epi, but I am still skeptical and worried so I am opting for natural childbirth. I have heard everything under the sun about how I will not be able to take the pain and how it is a crazy decision, but I feel like this is my pregnancy, my body, my child, and ultimatley MY DECISION. You do whatever you feel more comfortable doing and screw everyone's opinion. Your "friends" should support whatever decision you make even if they don't agree with it.

lily37

I also have scoliosis and have had a rod placed in the lumbar portion of my spine.  After doing research and talking with the L&D anesthesiologists I decided that it was just too risky to even try for an epi during my birthing time.  I usually just keep my decision to myself because I don't really feel like it is anyone's business what I plan on doing with my baby, my body, etc.  I get a lot of unsolicited comments from strangers and I just smile and say "thanks for the advice" when they talk about how it will be impossible for me to deliver without an epi.  In all honesty I was assured by the L&D crew that, based on the placement of my rod, they felt confident they could give me a lumbar epi and the biggest risk would be it not working.  But IMO why would I get something that more than likely won't even work and then I have an increased chance of infection, infection in the hardware in my spine (which obviously could cause paralysis and death), migraine headaches, fever, etc.?  So, like I said, I just keep my opinion to myself.  After attempting to educate others and have them be more open minded about options during birth I felt my attempts were futile and I was only stressing myself out more.  Now if I feel like I'm under a particularly vicious attack as to why I should choose the epi I know I can say "it's not an option for me" and they shut up very quick.  For your second question, I'm not sure why there seems to be such little support for natural birth.  But I do enjoy getting on this board and reading stories and talking with the women on here. 

HSSpeducator

Friends and family, I just said sure to the epi.  I didn't feel like explaining.  I ended up med free (besides the pit).  So it was way easier than explaining myself over and over again.  

AmyLaurel89

About 4 days after posting this my cousin heard I was PG and proceeded to tell me all about her C-section. She said she wasn't trying to scare me but wanted me to know that plans change and that she planned on a vaginal birth but ended up with an induction that led to an epi and eventually a C-section. I do appreciate her warning about being too set on one plan but I doubt I'll be having a 9lb baby--the main reason she had a change in her plans. She was meaning well but we just have different outlooks and she acts like I'm doomed to repeat her birth story.