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The Pregnant Woman Rules - you will enjoy this
Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm.If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'.
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it...
4) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight...ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'.
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.
7) There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren't invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won't be invited to be there when it comes out either.
8) Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents' home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm.If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'.
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it...
4) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight...ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'.
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.
7) There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren't invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won't be invited to be there when it comes out either.
8) Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents' home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World
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Re: The Pregnant Woman Rules - you will enjoy this
I passed this in an email a few months after my son was born. I sent it to my MIL as well as about 20 other ladies.... my MIL took such offense and was so sure that I sent it out for her. Huge scandal. I would trade my MIL for a new one in a heartbeat.
Love this letter!
This is absolutely wonderful! I wonder if I can print it out and just give it to people when they tell me how hot I'm going to be this summer, greet me by rubbing my stomach, or tell me that they are just positive that "there is more than 1 in there"!
Love it!!!!!!
*copy* *Paste*
Sent to everyone in my address book. Unfortunately, the ones who NEED it won't understand it, they'll think I'm talking about everyone else...
(ok - seriously, our receptionist didn't tell me my belly looked big, she commented on how big my BOOBS are! *blush* um, thanks?)
I absolutely love this!!! Thank you for posting it! It is amazing to me ...
#1: When we told my IL's about the newest arrival their response, "Well, that's surprising" Nice, right?
#4: This only happened to me once. The waitress actually touching my big belly of my first born. Ugh! I had no idea that happened! I was speechless! And of course, my IL's were there ... so even if I could find the words I would have to "keep my place" (that was in the beginning of the marriage ... )
Thanks for sharing this!!!
LOVE.
LOL!!! this is GREAT! I LOVE it!!!!
How funny that I posted last night that the ONLY thing to tell a pregnant woman was that she looked "fabulous!!!"....
As for weight/size comments.. 'nuff said.
Also..love the "helping" comment... my MIL wanted to come and "help" and said "I'm really good at holding babies..." trying to convince me that she would be helpful when she's had a housekeeper for the last 50 years.. and has no idea how to clean and isn't that good of a cook.
It just makes me feel better every time i read it. Funny how everyone wants to be at the birth too. I had quite a crowd outside the delivery suite and they all wanted to come in and see me in there straight after giving birth. This time it will be my partner ( who is samoan and says its not in his culture for a man to be present during the birth......) my parents and one close friend only waiting outside for me.
I stuck to my routine in the weeks that followed and all my friends and family were pretty good with texting to see if i was up for a visit.
Lol at the MIL who wanted to help but has a housekeeper herself and cant cook ---- ummm no thanks
Amen to #7! My mom actually suggested that I might prefer her to my husband and my doula during the birth.
If you weren't at the conception and/or you aren't a highly trained specialist in childbirth, you don't need to be in the freakin' delivery room!
LOL
My mother said to me "i'd really love to see a baby born, it would be such an awesome experience"... I said "weren't you there when me and my sister were born?"
"well it's not the same thing"
Sorry mom, still not going to let you in during the birth.
My (female) boss made the same comment about my boobs! Well, the actual words were "Dude! Your boobs are huge!" It didn't bug me, but the receptionist gave her a hard time about sexually harassing me (and her by association)