How do you grieve?

DEBBIE33CASEY

My Grandma sadly passed away on Thursday. The first day I was mostly in shock and stoic, even though we were expecting this to happen in the near future. I even thought I could try going to work on Friday morning but I couldn't muster up the strength to go in. So I've only left the house once since Wednesday until I went to church this morning. 

As we got ready for church this morning my DD was listing off the people she'd see at church; Grandma, Grandpa, and then she mentioned my Grandma who just passed. Ever since that point I was unable to keep tears out of my eyes for more than 2 minutes at a stretch. I had tears streaming on and off at church. My Dad stepped out of service for a few minutes to collect himself but other than that I was the only one showing any emotion.

Obviously everyone else is sad but it was very odd for me to be the only one shedding tears. I wish I had an off-switch to my emotions.  But since I don't have a tighter handle on them I'm curious as to hear how others grieve if they are not "insta-cryers" like myself.  I know it's not true, but part of me feels like I'm the only one grieving her loss. Please give me some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one feeling my Grandmother's death.

slukd79

I am sure you are not the only one. Grief is very individualized. Some people are very open about it and others prefer to be more discreet.

I am sorry for your loss.

DTNZ4Ever

The grieving process is unique for everyone and everyone processes it differently and at different times in the process. Allow yourself to feel what you feeling don't try and surpress your feelings it will just come up later. So if you want to cry for the nxt week do so it is healthy. I'm sorry for your loss.

MrandMrsAndrews

I am sure you aren't the only one.  Some people just grieve in different ways.

It is perfectly OK to cry.  In fact, I think that it helps our kids understand and accept that crying is OK too. 

My grandmother passed away in November and any time I think about her, I tend to tear up.  I happen to be an "insta-cryer" though,  

I would just try not to compare your grieving to the others around you.  Because we all handle things differently, the most important thing is that you let yourself grieve and heal.  If that means tears, let it out! 

T&P's headed your way.  

kaytie.s

First, I am so sorry for your loss. 

 

My FIL is in Hospice right now and has had his Last Rites read to him. He will most likely pass this week, and I cry at the drop of a hat right now. Any time LO mentions Papa, or I think about the relationship they could have had...

 As the previous posters have mentioned, grief is individual and you should never feel embarrassed. It is okay to feel what you are feeling.

 I remember when I was PG that my co-workers' 20 year old daughter passed away suddenly. I went to the wake and couldn't stop crying. I felt embarrassed too- I was not that close with the family, had only met the girl a handful of times. My hormones were just off the charts, and thinking about a parent burying their child was more than I could take.

 Good luck and I'm sorry again for your loss. 

zeptattoo

First of all, please accept my condolences.

Before going into my current profession, I was planning on becoming a funeral director or mortician.  Here is what I have noticed: people tend to show raw emotion mainly at two times: when the event happens (esp if it is sudden) or when all of the activity surrounding the death is over.  Like, the week after the funeral.  After everyone has left, the phone calls stop and suddenly there is nothing left but a void.  They are grieving this whole time, but are distracted enough not to deal with it at the time.  Totally normal.  Totally human.

Arcadia1114

I am so sorry for your loss.  As PP have stated, everyone grieves differently.  There's no right or wrong way to grieve.  Since losing my mom this past June, it seems my sister, father, and I are trying to be strong for each other, turning this into some sort of endurnace contest to see who can be "fine" in front of each other the longest.  That being said, I still cry alone at least once a week.  It comes on suddenly.  Today, I cried because DS is fighting another ear infection and I can't call my mom.  You will have your good and bad days.  Cherish the memories that you have and don't be afraid to rely on the people who love you, even months down the line.  Hugs!  Again, I am sorry for your loss. 

Hollywood214

I am so so sorry honey. Everyone deals with death different. When my daddy passed away I cried and prayed non-stop for what felt like weeks. Some people cry, some make jokes about it, some go into hiding, some act totally normal. I wouldn't let it get to you. Hugs!!!!

CourtneyS24

So sorry for your loss. I grieve very similar to you. When my gma passed away it was a shock; we knew it was coming in the near future but no one thought it would happen when it did. I remember thinking it will never get easier and had many sob sessions.

Everyone grieves differently; try not to compare with others or not allow yourself to grieve because you don't feel its "normal". Take care of yourself.

DEBBIE33CASEY

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It's really something I need to hear right now.  I want to start "acting like normal" like everyone else.  I kept it together after chuch was over and when we went out for lunch I kept the tears in.

I can't blame my two younger sisters because they are six years younger than me and didn't know my Grandma as well and they certainly don't have a lot of memories with her as children. I have one sister who is close in age to me but I'm not sure how open she will be to talk about all of this.

And how long is too long for some of our grieving rituals, like spending the day in bed, or half the day in bed. Laying there just thinking and pondering and crying. I can't do these things while caring for DD but sometimes she'll jump up in the bed with me and cuddle and make me feel better.

How normal is it to be able to burst into tears?  How long from a death is that still acceptable? The funeral is going to be in Arlington National Cemetery and they haven't even announced the date that they will do her funeral. (they do 100 a week right now!)  So I feel like it will take a month from now before her funeral.  That's a long time for me to be grieiving.  I just want to feel better already.

MegGary

So sorry for your loss. 

I believe we all grieve in our own way. Some of us are more emotional than others. When my aunt was recently passing my one cousin kept laughing at things. It wasn't that she wasn't sad or upset her mom was dieing, it's just how she dealt with things.  We all grieve differently. 

CourtneyS24

DEBBIE33CASEY:

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It's really something I need to hear right now.  I want to start "acting like normal" like everyone else.  I kept it together after chuch was over and when we went out for lunch I kept the tears in.

I can't blame my two younger sisters because they are six years younger than me and didn't know my Grandma as well and they certainly don't have a lot of memories with her as children. I have one sister who is close in age to me but I'm not sure how open she will be to talk about all of this.

And how long is too long for some of our grieving rituals, like spending the day in bed, or half the day in bed. Laying there just thinking and pondering and crying. I can't do these things while caring for DD but sometimes she'll jump up in the bed with me and cuddle and make me feel better.

How normal is it to be able to burst into tears?  How long from a death is that still acceptable? The funeral is going to be in Arlington National Cemetery and they haven't even announced the date that they will do her funeral. (they do 100 a week right now!)  So I feel like it will take a month from now before her funeral.  That's a long time for me to be grieiving.  I just want to feel better already.

Try not to worry about that kind of stuff. For some people it takes longer than others.  It will always be hard during certain times like holidays or hit you randomly sometimes but if you're still wanting to cry all of the time several months after the funeral it might be beneficial to talk to a professional. I am 99% sure you can get free services through Hospice even if your gma wasn't recieving Hospice care. They also have services for children.

In the mean time, try to remember what you're feeling is normal even though it may be different than how those around you grieve. If you can, maybe have someone care for your LO so you can have some alone time just to cry if you think that might help.

So sorry you're going through this!

MelodyMoonstone

I'm sorry for your loss.  When my grandfather passed away (LO's namesake - I loved this man more then I can express.  I'm welling up as I type...) I cried the entire funeral.  My Gram asked me to sing and I had to refuse since I knew I wasn't going to be able to control myself.  It's natural and normal.