beating myself up (FF related)

ip432389

anyone else try to breastfeed and wind up switching and feeling awful?  i was so looking forward to breastfeeding, but ds has severe tongue tie and dh doesn't want to get it cut.  we have consulted 3 different LC's and we couldn't get him to latch without a shield and even with shield my nipples had some pretty icky compression lines.  my nipples were so sore and blistered.  i tried pumping exclusively but i was so consumed by it, I wasn't ever getting to spend time with LO.  my supply was low because my nipples weren't getting enough stimulation.  anyway, I was a mess emotionally and definitely headed for depression.  Then I just stopped pumping.  I just needed to focus on being with my baby, but now I feel like I've failed him. 

 Sorry for the "woe is me" post.  just needed to say that to someone who might get what I'm going trough.  DH is not the best with empathy or showing support.

 

sbuxsweetie

I felt pretty awful about giving up on BFing, too. I even blogged about it: https://sbuxsweetie.blogspot.com/2011/02/on-breastfeeding.html

The most important thing is that your baby is eating and gaining weight. You are a good momma for making sure his nutritional needs are being met.

Kevswife05

I also tried BF and due to supply issues and latch problem I was unable to continue. C wasn't gaining weight and I felt awful. I was beating myslef  up bc I couldn;t produce enough for him and then again when I started FF.But you know what 4 weeks later I am so happy my DH and pedi convinced me BF isn;t for everyone and if the supply isn't there it isn't there.They said my lo will be just fine and you know what he is! He is gaining weight and happy and healthy! I truly believe a happy mama= happy baby. I was depressed for a few weeks and if you feel you have ppd don't beat yourself up for that either, get helpo if you need it. Your doing great mama, your lo will do just fine!

vahokiegirl

I totally know how you feel. Ive been pumping only since we left the hospital due to some reasons myself. Im actually wanting to quit so bad. I hate being tied to the pump. I cant spend the time I want with K. I feel like Im obsessing over the pump, time and how much I pump all day.

Im giving myself til he 12 weeks and then Im done. Im going to talk to his pedi about how to go about this on Tuesday. 

Im really sad that Im going to do this but I feel I need to for my sanity!

blossomtg85

Don't beat yourself up! I had to go on some medications for RA that are not safe for breastmilk. It was tough - but my doctor assured me that it was OK. Supposedly there are very few immunological benefits to breastmilk after two weeks. Obviously it has many other benefits - but by this point you have given your LO the best of your milk. You have nothing to feel guilty about!!! 

auburn76chic

Totally know how you feel. I BF for about three weeks and had to quit. I had low supply and it would take forever for my milk to come down. I tried to pump but was having to do it round the clock to have enough. I was a mess and crying all the time. I talked to the Pedi who told me that my health and well being was more important than BF. She said if I was so stressed about BF the baby could tell it. After I quit I felt much better physically. Like you I'm still sad I could not BF longer but I know at least I gave him those few weeks I could. You didn't fail him you made the right decison for you.

ip432389

Thanks mamas! 

Annierose1

Is there a reason why your DH does not want to get it cut? My son was severely tongue tie as well and we had it cut within 24hrs after he was born. Within an hour he was fine and latching successfully. The whole procedure took less than 5 minutes. My husband was able to be there with him the whole time.

But about switching, don't feel bad. A lot of women do it. BFing isn't easy. As long as he is getting fed that is all that matters. Just enjoy your LO and stop beating yourself up!!

Stephie157

I am totally with you!  I was hoping I wasn't the only one!  I have to go back to work in two weeks and have been obsessing over this very thing. 

I have had to supplement DD since 3 weeks.  Originally when my milk came in I never was engorged nor have I ever leaked (except when nursing on one side and it's the first feed of the day) which made me think from the very beginning that I would encounter a supply issue.  So while I'm still at home we nurse on demand on both sides and then follow up with a bottle at every feeding (except the one overnight feed, most of the time).

However, when I return to work that will all change.  My goal is to get to at least 4 months by nursing on demand while at home and pumping every 4 hours while at work and sending that pumped milk to the babysitter the next day.  But I hate that freaking pump, it seems degrading to me and sucks out what little joy I do get from nursing. 

It is the strangest feeling of guilt having to give her formula after every nursing session.  It's so hard to put into words, but I guess I just put so much faith in my body when I had such a great pregnancy, I really thought this would fall right in line too.  I also attribute part of my guilt to the LC at our hospital that told me "everyone can nurse, people in third world countries don't have formula, they have no choice and they all do it".  Again, I absolutely hate pumping, so we'll see how long it lasts.  I guess only mommies in our position really know how we feel.  SO GLAD I'm not alone!

azgrlbride

I too was extremely depressed about this very thing. DS also has a tongue tie and I switched to exclusively pumping after 2 weeks. Now, at six weeks I am only pumping once a day and doing formula because I despise the pump and was causing me serious depression. I am much happier but yes the guilt SUCKS. I am getting over it more and more everyday now. I will be glad that I am not pumping 8 x's a day when I go back to work!