My sister just made me cry

cooker71

Gah.

She's 10 years younger than me and is still very angry and upset with me about the divorce and the choices I've made in my life recently.

So yesterday she calls me up and b*tches me out for talking to her boyfriend the night before, whom she's having problems with, telling me she doesn't want relationship advice from ME and there's a reason she hasn't talked to me about everything because of what happened with my marriage.

She told me not to talk to her boyfriend anymore and not to come to her work anymore either (she works part-time at a bar and invited me to stop by for a beer), that I'm not a role model for her anymore and that she needs time and space to come to terms with the person I've become.

It really hurt my feelings. I bawled for like an hour afterward. Ugh.

It just sucks when you can't rely on family for support. 

r9stedt

(((hugs)))

I would be devastated.   



Do you want my phone number so you can text or call me whenever?

 

And, just so we are clear, you are a role model for me-- even though I went through my divorce before you.  You have handled yours with grace, and made sure that you exhausted every measure first before going this route.  That is remarkable to me.   I know that I made the right decision, but at times I know that I can't tell L the truth that we tried everything before calling it quits.   You, my friend, can do that.  You are a true role model to me, and many other women here, for more reasons than my tired fingers care to type right now. 

cooker71

r9stedt:

(((hugs)))

I would be devastated.   



Do you want my phone number so you can text or call me whenever?

 

And, just so we are clear, you are a role model for me-- even though I went through my divorce before you.  You have handled yours with grace, and made sure that you exhausted every measure first before going this route.  That is remarkable to me.   I know that I made the right decision, but at times I know that I can't tell L the truth that we tried everything before calling it quits.   You, my friend, can do that.  You are a true role model to me, and many other women here, for more reasons than my tired fingers care to type right now. 

Thank you. I would like that. 

r9stedt

FB message.  

 ETA:  I am getting off of the nest for now.   My phone will be one, but I need to go clean some more... if you saw my FB status.

lsufan

Wow, that's harsh.  I'm sorry she hurt you like that.  Someday she'll grow up a bit and wish she hadn't said that to you.

Ciarrai

Ok, I haven't been through a divorce so maybe I can't talk, but WTF?!?!?!  Everything I know of you and about you is that you are one of the best moms and people I know.  You have handled this rollercoaster of a year (or two) with such amazing strength and grace.  How anyone can think differently totally blows my mind.  We're all just doing the best we can with what we have in life.  You have always been one that I've looked to because I knew you could take on the world and still see the best in it and in life. 

ans1999

Wow! I am sorry that she said those things. Are you more like a mother to her? I am sure she doesn't realize how difficult marriage is and how divorce is the last thing a parent would want!  

HAFranklin

I don't post here a lot, but I just had to offer you a big (((HUG))).

Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat. If only we all could have ALL the answers at, what? 21? She is going to be thrown for a loop the first time life doesn't go her way.

And, I'm sorry, but her moral compass is so high that she is willing to throw away her relationship with her sister over a divorce...yet working in a bar is fine, huh? (For the record, I have no objections to either, but she obviously has a "holier than thou" attitude)

From what I've read, you seem like a great mom, and role model. I admire your strength during the tough time you've been through.

sweetie645

I'm just a lurker but my heart goes out to you so I had to say something.  I'm so sorry your sister is making you feel like this.  It's so nice of her never-been-married self to judge you and your life.  She obviously has no idea how hard marriage really is.  And she hasn't yet learned what I learned a long time ago...to not judge other people's relationships because an outsider can never truly know all that has happened between two other people.

Don't let her make you feel bad.  Give her the space she wants and she will be the one missing out. 

summerbrideDC

I'm so sorry; that's rotten.  (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

Temp374386125003286

Hugs!  She will regret that later.  we all thought we knew everything at that age.  She has no idea what it is like to be in a marriage.  Don't let it get to you too much.  I am so sorry she hurt you like that. 

Jodi&Joe

"....the person you've become"????

A divorced mom of two?  or what specifically is she upset about that you have "become?!"  That's just bizarre.

Why were you talking to her boyfriend?  I think that might be what's really bothering her!?

Either way, that's REALLY sad!  I'm sorry she said all of that to you!  (((HUGS)))

 

eclaires

Dude.  DUDE.  WTF!

I know she's your sister, but seriously f*ck that bunch of total BS.  She sounds like a judgmental wench.  I'd tell her I wouldn't want to talk to her until she got over herself and removed the stick from her uptight ass.

You are doing the best for you and your kids, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for that.

beanzer

I am sooooo very sorry. ?For what it's worth, I think you are an amazing woman/mom. ?Your strength/class amazes me!

Mrs.JDD

Wow.  I'm sorry, coker.  Honestly, it's like when 21 year old (non-mother) girls try to offer parenting advice...they've never lived through it, they need to just keep their mouths shut.  She has NO idea what it is like to be married, have children, and go through a divorce, so who is she to judge??  I can't imagine how hurt you are by what she said. 

CTFandme

ouch. sometimes it's easy to say rotten things to siblings because of the unconditional love... but some day she'll realize life is harder as a mom and wife than it is a girlfriend.  Even harder to be a single mom! She doesn't deserve your tears. 

EdithBouvierBeale

it sounds to me like she has a very immature view of relationships, and that maybe she wants more than her boyfriend wants and anyone who sides with him ( or rather anyone who doesn't agree with her and what she wants/ deserves...must be KEPT AWAY!

I am so sorry she's treating you this way- I hope she looks back on how ridiculous she was and it makes HER cry.

expectingnothing

I'm sorry she hurt you.  She has a TON of growing up to do.  Life doesn't always go how you plan, even if you follow all the 'rules'.  I can attest to that myself.  You are doing a great job.  I'm always around and in the same boat as you, so I'm happy to offer my cell also if you find yourself in a situation like that again and need to talk to someone who can relate.

belle204

Ooh, that would hurt and infuriate me. Would you like me to come kick her in the teeth? You know I'd do it for you. What a t.wat.waffle.

4Speedy

I am so sorry your sister hurt you.  It sounds like maybe you hit on her own insecurities and she is lashing out at you.  I would be willing to bet your sister wants to get married to this boyfriend and he is dragging his feet.  I bet she thinks if he talks to you, surely you will spread your bitter old bad marriage germs to him and then he'll never want to marry her.

As hurtful as her words were, I bet they actually have less to do with you than her unhappiness at her own marital staus (or lack thereof).

femmegem

Ugh. I'm so, so sorry she did that. You're definitely a strong person and a role model to many on here, so try to keep that in mind.

DandelionMom

EdithBouvierBeale:

it sounds to me like she has a very immature view of relationships, and that maybe she wants more than her boyfriend wants and anyone who sides with him ( or rather anyone who doesn't agree with her and what she wants/ deserves...must be KEPT AWAY!

I am so sorry she's treating you this way- I hope she looks back on how ridiculous she was and it makes HER cry.

This exactly.  Give her a few years and she'll think differently. 

(((hugs)))  You don't deserve to be treated like that. 

tammy79

UGH, I'm so sorry. You are an amazing strong woman and an even more amazing mom, you did what was best for you and your children, and sadly your sister just doesn't understand that, and don't for a second feel bad about your decisions. That was very mean of her, and she's not in your shoes. 

 

BubblyToes

I'm so sorry girl. xoxo

cooker71

I am more like a mother to her than a sister in many ways, but that had been changing in recent years after I moved back to the Midwest and as she got older.

However, she's still very immature and very young. And yes, thinks she knows everything and how everything should be. Just like I did at that age.

She and her boyfriend have been having problems on and off again. Last night, I pulled him aside to tell him what a standup guy I think he is and how I'm pulling for them to stay together.

He told her at the end of the night he'd rather she stay at her place and she assumed I said something to him to upset him and f*ck things up between them.

I feel better after talking to my mom. She's more used to bearing the brunt of my sister's volatility and temper, so she understands and can at least listen and relate though she's not taking sides.

I'm giving my sister the space she wants. She'll have to make the first move when she wants a relationship again. 

camrude

Oh wow. I'm really sorry she pulled that crap. I would be so hurt. :-(

FWIW my brother, who is also 10 years younger than me that is hot headed and very judgemental....for someone who does not have kids, his parenting advice is top notch.

((((hugs))))

MelandJeff

Your sister is pissing me off. She has been a shithead through all of this and that is just not ok. I do not give a sh!t that she does not like the fact that you got divorced. The fact is that she is your sister, and you have been through hell. She needs to be there for you and support you regardless of her insignificant opinions on the matter.

I am thisclose to kicking her a$$.

cooker71

MelandJeff:

Your sister is pissing me off. She has been a shithead through all of this and that is just not ok. I do not give a sh!t that she does not like the fact that you got divorced. The fact is that she is your sister, and you have been through hell. She needs to be there for you and support you regardless of her insignificant opinions on the matter.

I am thisclose to kicking her a$$.

Yeah. I need some time away from her as well for sure. Can't have people like that in my life anymore right now.