HUSBANDS!!! (Vent & Question)

chynadiva

Ok, I seriously want to know...If anyone's elses husband doesn't want to go shopping for baby things with them? I mean, I understand men hate shopping, but it's they're child too! My DH is thrilled to b a father, but doesn't want to go and see anything things with me! I thought this was supposed to be a time of unity!! It's like planning our wedding all over again! I'm very upset about this. He rather just drop me off along with my mother. UGGGGHH soooooo Frustrated!

Anyone else with on this!!??

 

dairygirl19

I know it bothers you, but try not to let it.

Most guys aren't excited about baby stuff. It all looks and works the same to them. A stroller is a stroller to them and a onesie with a flower or a onesie with a star, they're all cute and do the job.

I love to shop for baby gear, sort through the handmedowns. My H couldn't careless. He puts the big stuff together for me and that's fine by me.

I go shopping with a girflfriend or my sister instead. We have much more fun and can awwww in cuteness all we want.

It never crossed my mind that we weren't unified as a result. There's a 100 other ways we are. Don't read too much into it and take it FWIW, your guy hates to shop.

desmerelda317

DH was willing to go shopping with me when we were pregnant the first time, but he didn't have oodles of opinions on anything.  He pretty much let me decide what we wanted/needed.  Which was fine by me.  I think some guys just aren't into the clothes and accessories and gear the same way we are.  I've heard that a mom becomes a mother when she gets a positive pregnancy test, and a man becomes a father when the baby is born - I think there's a lot of truth in that for a lot of men.  I know you want him to go shopping with you, but try not to let it get you too upset.

chelwig89

I spent a lot of time shopping with my girlfriends and mom... Let's face it, guys can only "ohh" and "ahh" over slightly differently patterned or colored clothing so much. Our toddler was 15 months before I got an actual opinion about her clothing or something else of her's from him, when he picked out her bedding for her new toddler bed (other than Christmas).

chelwig89

I completely agree with the mom's become mom's when they get the test...

It took a really long time for my fiance to feel like a dad... he started feeling like it when he could feel her move, but then when she was born... wow! He was daddy central

noeleanne

This is too funny because my husband is the exact same way!! We went to the mall last night and it was like pulling teeth to have him stand there while I shop. I even thought that he would be more into it because we're having a boy!! So I definitely feel your pain, trust me you're not alone!

Matt Dvorak

I expect that my DH might have an opinion on some of the big ticket items, but that all other choices will be mine. He keeps up our cars and repairs things in the house, I take care of things like baby shopping - it works!

JaninneAlvarado

I agree with the other moms. It's way better for you and your happiness to have a girls day out. Get a girls opinion on things, I tend to fight more with my husband as his taste is way different anyways. It's frustrating but he'll come along eventually. It may be after the baby is born. Just relax. I had to do everything for my oldest son alone. I mean alone. I lived far away from family and my DH who was just my boyfriend at the time had no interest and was pretty bummed since we were so young. He is the best dad now and loves to look at things for our boys now. It just takes some time hun. Cheer up!!

PrincessLinLin

The only way DH would go shopping with me is if I threatened to buy girlie shiz he wouldn't like. 

Corts

Mine comes with me but usually has his face stuck in his blackberry the whole time. I tried to show him the floor model of the highchair that we bought....and he put the tray on backwards and broke it while "pretending to be interested" LOL.

I figure once the baby is here or very close he will get more excited and hopefully not break anything else

Nellebelle1

My husband could care less about shopping for a baby and gear.  He also hated registering for wedding stuff.  I get it and I'm taking my mom instead.  I rather leave him home then he be miserable and rushing me out of the store.  I'm not upset since I know that he is super excited for the baby in every other area.

Lilrdmandy

DH came with me once to shop for our son and acted like I dragged him there.  Have you registered yet?  Maybe you could make a deal where your DH could go with just one time to register, and let him hold the scanner gun.   Maybe plan on going out to dinner after, food bribes sometimes work!

If he isn't even up for that and you want his opinion on things, have him check out your registry online and add things or narrow down things you can't decide on.  Guys tend to be more into shopping online than going into stores.  

I think guys look at shopping for baby as a girly thing, especially since showers are often just for girls.  Add that to a guy who already hates shopping and its not pretty.

msm1379

Sounds like you are describing my DH! We went to BRU on a whim to start our registry, since he agreed I thought he was into it. About 4 minutes in, the registry woman had to intervene. Kinda embarassing...but she was really nice about it. DH was interested in the "hardware"- PnP, stroller, carseat, etc. then he wanted to put on some ridiculous items that we won't need for years. I humored him, then edited the list when I got home. I ended up going back with my mom and finishing. Long story short- take a friend or your mom. It'll be more fun & less stress. It's not that he isn't taking an interest in your child....men really don't care about the differences between bottles or what breast pump you want. Like my husband told me- "just let me know what our system is and we'll take care of it" In exchange for not helping with the registy...put him in charge of all the assembly! Not nearly as much fun as shopping for the stuff

Good luck!

macdidlyicious

My husband is the biggest whiner when we go into any store. I'd rather leave him at home and go alone so I can look for as long as I want and not be rushed through the store because I'm with him.

SMJ1106

DH is the same way.  I usually just like to shop alone when I plan on browsing and taking my time.  But, about every other week I drag him out with me for a quick stroll through some baby store.  I know he hates it... but I make it up to him . He keeps saying that when we know if we're having a boy or girl then we can really go shopping... but when we were TTC he used to say "when you're pregnant we can go shopping". 

For the registry I plan on doing most of it myself.  The only things I really want him part of for that (unless he wants more say) are the large ticket items like a stroller, car seat, etc.

lmjt

DH hates shopping, but registering he came for. He became the safety police, he would stand in the store with his copy of Baby Bargains and his phone on the Consumer Reports website. It was helpful in the long run, but supremely annoying as it was happening. He kept pestering me that everything I bought for DS had animals on it. He got over it, and now he only comes for major purchases.

chynadiva

LOL  I dont't think (hoping) that he's not going to have a problem with the assembly of the nursery since he enjoys that type of thing.

chynadiva

Well, it feels much better to know I'm not the only one. And I guess it IS a GUY THING! Oh well! I went to Burlington's Baby Depot today that just openned here where I live in Puerto RIco & took pictures of everything I wanted. Thinking of torturing him with the pics tonight when he comes home from work,LOL.   & it's like some of the mom on here said: A MOM becomes a MOTHER when she gets a positive test back...but a DAD becomes a FATHER when the baby is born. (Best quote EVER,hehe) I must admit he does get excited and the U/S and a little p.o. if he has to miss one. THANX BUMPIES!

ETABOADA

I don't even ask my husband to come shopping with me anymore. I let him know when I'm gonna go and that's about it. At times he even offers to come with but I never make him go because I can just expect him to stay glued to the Iphone the entire time LOL. Like one of those posts above earlier said, you probably have 100 other ways to be unified besides shopping for baby gear! It'd be nice to have the husband be just as in to it as us women are, but I think they're more in to putting all the stuff together! and probably will be even more into it when the baby is born!

Treasa

If he doesn't want to go shopping why be mad or try to force him?  I would take it as an opportunity to go out & have some retail fun with a good friend/family member who might be helpful to have around & who will actually enjoy the experience!  Its your DH's loss really!

My DH hates shopping too & over the years I have discovered it is much easier to just leave him at home.  Otherwise he puts a time limit on it, starts foot tapping, eye rolling & sighing & it usually ends up in a big fight.  Not worth the hassle IMO! 

 

colorschemer

I don't mean to be all contrary, but I don't see this as a guy thing at all. When I registered, I wrote out a checklist of everything we needed, did a little research on the big ticket items, and then went and registered.

I'm super excited to be pregnant. This is something that we've been planning for a long time and it is so incredible to know that we'll have our own little family in just a couple of months. That said, I've never been into babies. I've never loved shopping for baby showers or thought it was cute when kids smeared their faces with spaghetti. I love the imagination, personality and individualism that children develop and am eager to see how my own's little life takes shape, but I just don't see how the perfect set of sheets for the crib have much to do with that.

 

I'm not trying to put down all the excitement of preparing for the little one. I'm just saying that people have different interests and it is not very nice to make someone feel bad because they're not able to make themselves care about what they don't - especially since what they don't doesn't include you, your health, your happiness or your child.

 

My mom has actually gotten frustrated at me for not being into the accoutrements of babies more. I feel like the husband getting berated for not loving to coo over onsies. At least the husbands can write it off as part of the stereotype though.

kristennd

DH dislikes shopping in general but I dislike it even more. And shopping for baby stuff is not the exception. I'm not getting any fun out of it either. I think we spent 30 minutes on the registry.

He's very excited about the baby. But not about baby paraphernalia. Most of which is unnecessary. I don't see a conflict there at all. 

ETABOADA

kristennd:

DH dislikes shopping in general but I dislike it even more. And shopping for baby stuff is not the exception. I'm not getting any fun out of it either. I think we spent 30 minutes on the registry.

He's very excited about the baby. But not about baby paraphernalia. Most of which is unnecessary. I don't see a conflict there at all. 

This is me! ha!

mom2alex17

I love shopping for anything. lol

My husband, not so much. He is really into shopping for the baby though! Sorry your so/dh are not into it.

sassy1

Oh yeah, I'm with ya.  The saying about men becoming fathers after the baby arrives is not the case with my DH; he talks to my belly every day.  It does feel real to him already.  However.  The man hated shopping before we were pg, & he hates it now.  We went out for brunch yesterday & were passing a baby shop on the way home; I said "Let's go in!" & he looked like I was threatening his life.  He went in, but pretty much was just waiting for me to be done. 

I hoped he'd have some interest but it's not all that realistic.  After all, I nearly killed him while we were at Crate & Barrel registering for our wedding.  Why would it suddenly change? 

But...there's SO much baby gear out there, it's just overwhelming.  I have to say, I do wish I had some help with picking things out.

ak1234

chynadiva:

Ok, I seriously want to know...If anyone's elses husband doesn't want to go shopping for baby things with them? I mean, I understand men hate shopping, but it's they're child too! My DH is thrilled to b a father, but doesn't want to go and see anything things with me! I thought this was supposed to be a time of unity!! It's like planning our wedding all over again! I'm very upset about this. He rather just drop me off along with my mother. UGGGGHH soooooo Frustrated!

Anyone else with on this!!??

 

 

OMG...be thankful!  The grass is NOT greener on the other side.  My DH is allllll into everything and we have different taste, so I end up just throwing up my hands and telling him to buy whatever he wants.

ajmasl

my DH has only really given his strict opinion on the nursery colors and bedding set. Probably bc it's part of our house and he wants it a certain way. He's even being picky about the rug we put in her room, who knows!! but when it came for little items like bottles, lotions, outfitts, etc. he does not care much, in fact i went to register with my mom and now that her and I picked out everything and spent almost a whole day at BRU he agreed to go with me to just show him quickly what we registered for. He also has helped pick out the crib, stroller, etc. I think there's a theme here with husbands, if they give an opinion it's usually on the 'expensive' items. Don't sweat it, you're not the only one!

itsmevkb

My husband would go with me if I asked and we did go look at things when I was pregnant with our first but all the actual buying and choosing was done by me.  I really just don't have an issue with that.  I'd rather go by myself and get what I want then have him tagging along either bored out of his mind or giving his opinion on everything when I already know what I want.

Trust me, in the grand scheme of things, I'll take a husband willing to change every dirty diaper over one who wants to go shopping with me any day.

krissywags

I feel that pain except that DH helped pick out the crib/furniture set and stroller and travel system.  I sneak into the baby section when we are at Target or WalMart and DH manages to steak away to the electronics section... not sure if he is just fantasizing over what we aren't going to be able to buy or what but that is always where I can find him. 

I have given up on the fact that he will ever want to do baby shopping with me.  I have made a shopping date with BFF to help with our registry once we find out what we are having in two weeks.  

kim1989

We havent actually been shopping for anything yet but my fiance is nothing like this, he loves everything baby. he came looking for baby books and stuff with me and he even gives bump a kiss goodbye before he goes to work too :-)

moose1178

Mine wants to have an opinion in everything we buy for the baby.  Now I do like that he wants to be involved but then he needs to be involved in the whole process.  Like I will research strollers online before I register/pick one.  He will just go and say he doesn't like the color of that one or something.  I don't care so much about the color as I do the functionality.  Also, he will not think we need as many things as I will want to register for.  I know there are a lot of items you don't need but a registry looks long because every little item takes up a line.  So if you have bottles, pacifiers, wipes, diapers, etc. it just looks like a lot of pages.  Also I will have quite a few people at my Shower so I can't just put a few items on there.  Besides that just means we will eventually have to buy the things that weren't given to us.  I think women for the most part do more research, read blogs, read reviews, etc. and if he wants to be involved in picking out the item he needs to be involved in the selection process as well.  I plan on taking him to pick out the bigger items, stroller, car seat, crib, etc. and then going back with my sister to pick out the smaller items.  She has two kids and will be valuable in telling me what is actually necessary and what I shouldn't bothering getting.

Either way it is a lot of decisions to make, best of luck to all in choosing your new items.  I can't wait until we can all take our healthy babies home and start using these items.