caught DD in a lie

Nancy6306

OK. I'm really frustrated and disappointed in DD#1 today. 

I started the Nutrisystem diet last month (it's great, I've lost 10lbs). If you know Nutrisystem, you get 28 breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and desserts. Well, I just received my shipment for this month on Tuesday. I was organizing my food and checking it off on a list. I noticed that one of my desserts was missing. I had ordered two of this particular dessert and ate one. I noticed the missing one last night after the kids were in bed.

Well, this morning I ask my 9 yr old if she ate it. I would have been disappointed if she would have confessed but then I would have let it go and explained why she should not have done this. I asked her a second time and she said no but I wasn't completely convince BUT I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I had her bring my Nutrisystem receipt and I placed a call to customer service to let them know I was missing an item. No big deal, NS agreed to mail one to me. DD#1 was holding the baby and within earshot of this conversation as we were all in the same room.

We all go down to our finished basement so I could clean and vacuum. And don't you know, I find a wrapper to the dessert I was missing. I could see her breathing hard through her clothes. I asked her why she would do this and THEN lie about it. She shrugged her shoulders unable to come up with an answer. I'm obviously upset about the lie and not so much about the missing dessert at this point. I told her that I will find out when she lies...and even when I don't, God knows all of those things we do in secret. I sent her up to her room and said she will not be allowed to watch TV all day. In addition, I told her I want her to think about what she did, why it was wrong, and why we should not lie and put it down on paper for me to see. Did I handle this OK? What would you do?

DandelionMom

Do you think maybe you allowed this situation to blow up into something bigger than it should have been?

Instead of putting her on the spot with the questioning -- when you noticed it missing, just assume one of the kids was hungry/curious so ate it.  So you should have explained that this is special and expensive food that is meant for adults only.  And that it wasn't a big deal if she ate it but you needed to know before you called the company.  And that would have been the end of it. 

She lied because she didn't want to get in trouble.  So don't put her in a position where she feels like she needs to lie and every now and then remind her that the punishment for lying is much bigger than any other punishment. 

 

MrsSR

Mmmmm...I'm doing nutrisystem as well.  What dessert was it?  LOL...

She lied because she didn't want to get into trouble.  I don't think I would have punished her that way.  Especially with writing.  I think I would have just told her "if you ate it, it's okay.  I just want to make sure they didn't forget to send it to me."

Then after she said she ate it, I would just ask her to not do it again.  It's not like it's going to hurt her by eating it, it's regular food, but that isn't the point. 

SarieP

-auntie-:

I would have a concern about body image and the message mommy's special food sends. I get that Nutrisystem is easy, but I don't get having food that's off limits to some in my house.

THIS is the very first thing I thought.  I agree 100%. 

vanessa11411

I catch DD in lies all the time but all I can do is remind her that it's not good to tell those lies and that she wouldn't like it if people would lie to her.

I think you went a little overboard.

Jmollo28

is it just me or does anyone see this as a sign of stealing?  It is not ok to take something that isn't yours.  What if you robbed her piggy bank? would that be ok since you were the one that put the money in the bank?

 My SD 8 has been lying a lot also.  She got in trouble at school the other day for cheating.  We had her write apology letters to her teachers and the kids -- and her apology letter said.. LOL (which, she did NOT turn in.. we made her write it again .. explaining importance of not lying) --

I am sorry I cheated and changed our papers.  I could do it again, but I won't because I'll get in school suspension.

We had to explain that this letter is actually a very threatening letter!

 

It is important to start teaching kids that it is not ok to take something that isn't theirs.  Give her examples.. like, -- what if I took the money I put in your bank.. or what if you brought home ice cream.. sat it down to go to the restroom and i came by and ate it?  You know.. so that they can realize .. OH.. it IS important to my mom!!!

 

 

DandelionMom

Jmollo28:

is it just me or does anyone see this as a sign of stealing?  It is not ok to take something that isn't yours.  What if you robbed her piggy bank? would that be ok since you were the one that put the money in the bank?

I suppose this depends on how your household works.  The food in our house has always been for everyone. 

mami2011

I agree with you. I am just now pregnant with my first. But when I was growing up, I was taught discipline. If it isn't ours, or mom didn't say we could have it. Then we have to ask first. I still ask to this day. I don't just take, cause what if they were saving it for something. Like a bag of chips or hamburgers for a big BBQ. I wouldn't want that guilt on me for stealing something that wasn't mine.... Like what if you bought snacks for your childs school the next day or maybe for your party at work, and your child eats it....you'd be pretty mad.. I agree on punishing how she did. She didn't spank her or anything. And, she's 9, she should ask before she eats something.

Lilyzmom

I think that the discipline matched the crime very well. She needs to understand that fear of recrimination is not an excuse for lying. What if it had been something very important she had lied about, like someone being hurt for example. For all the ppl making comments about nutrisystem being an easy out or their being food in the house that isn't for everyone being somehow selfish, I think you are a) missing the point of the post and b) being unreasonable. You have never bought wine, or a special treat just for you? And I say good for you that you are doing something for your health, some people have a harder time with weight loss than others!