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Parenting
Best case scenario help with older parents....
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Re: Best case scenario help with older parents....
I feel for you. We're in a similar position caring for my MIL and I can't even begin to imagine what the hell we'd do if there was also a FIL and a BIL with a significant developmental disability.
As for your BIL, if he hasn't already, he MUST get on a Medicaid Waiver waiting list. I don't know about CT, but here in my state the waiting list is over 10 years long and recent budget cuts have made it even worse. That being said, in certain severe cases you can get an emergency waiver without having to spend years on the waiting list. Death or severe impairment of the parent/primary caregiver is one of the typical reasons for which emergency waivers can be granted.
Has your BIL's caseworker mentioned anything to you yet about waiver services?
https://www.ct.gov/longtermcare/cwp/view.asp?a=1398&q=299542
First, that is a lot to deal with. Regarding Timmy, they definitely need to get him into assisted living/group home. If a parent dies for a child like Timmy to have the double wammy of both losing a parent and having to move to a completely different situation is just too big of an adjustment. It is much better to move them while the parent is still able to help with that adjustment. I also don't think it would be fair to your children to have him in your home. My friend has a similar brother who is 50+ and he is in a group setting and it is working well for him. She feels very strongly that it is a much better situation than it was for her growing up in a home with him.
Also, can your FIL get an insulin pump? This might be a good option for him. My Father, FIL, and brother have diabetes. My FIL does very well with his pump, since he travels a lot and found it hard to find time to regularly keep up. The pump does a lot of the work for him.
For your MIL, I am just sad. I can't imagine what that is like.
You guys are faced with a lot. Hugs.
Just an FYI -- Pumps aren't always the best options for older, newly-diagnosed, people. Diabetes is a hard thing to come to terms with, and having something permanently attached to you is very hard for some people.
I have no real advice, but just wanted to commend you and your DH for really looking into this now before something catastrophic happens.
(((hugs))) You have a lot on your plate.
Look into their local Elder Care services. They should be able to help with your MIL and FIL. Meals on Wheels can be a life saver...I have been on both sides. As a volunteer, and as a family member of a recipient. When I volunteered, it was two balanced meals a day (one hot, one cold), and I am not sure if it is the same now, but look into it.
You may have to do some things that get your FIL upset if it means that YOUR family is in a better position when he dies. I agree that your BIL needs to move into a group home sooner than later. Elder Care services may be able to help with this too...sometimes it is easier for people to listen to "outsiders" rather than their own families.