Old photos with BM...
twinkl5379
member
At my H's brother's house they have a collage of photos with various family members hanging on the wall. Neither H nor I are in any of them, but there is one with BM and my 2 Skids. It was put up AFTER H and I were married.
I know this for certain b/c it's with one of their kids when he was a baby, and he was born since I've been married to my H. This seems odd to me, but whatever. I just let it go, don't hold it against them but know that if my brother put a photo up of my X-husband rather than me I'd def. say something to him. But H doesn't have that kind of relationship with his family, so I don't suggest that he say anything.
Incident #2...
Today H's dad and I were going through old photos b/c I asked him for photos of my H as a child. He collected a bunch for me to take, which I'm grateful for. But there's one old tribute book that was put together for his parents (H's grandparent's) and it includes a wedding photo of BM and H.
I, of course, didn't say anything, but almost wanted to leave that one behind (though I won't; I'll just suck it up and take it with the others)!
Anyone else run into old photos w/BM that give you a bad feeling in the stomach?
Re: Old photos with BM...
DH has several pictures of he, BM and the kids. He doesn't display them or have them on our bookshelf or anything, they are in albums and boxes in a storage tote in the garage though.
As far as family having pictures, his Grandmother had a family photo up on her wall of DH, BM and their kids. And it used to bother me, but 'lo and behold when we had our family photo taken this year (DD was born so we did an updated one and it's DH, Me, Skids, and DD) she replaced the old photo.
Maybe your DH's family just doesn't have a more updated photo to dsiplay and wants to display a photo of the kids? Also, as far as the 'tribute book" with ONE photo of your DH and BM together....i think you need to just not be bothered by that....I mean, seriously, it's one photo, and they WERE married...it's a part of the family's history.
My SD has a few pics of her Mom on a bulletin board in her room, it is her Mom and as far as I am concerned she could hang up pics of whoever she wanted and if she was too young to do it herself I would have been totally fine with putting a pic of her Mom in her room b/c if it were me as the kid I would want my Mom with me when I was not with her.
Well, I don't think anyone expected them to make you smile, they just suggested accepting it b/c it was a tribute book.
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This. We have a decent relationship with BM anyway, so it doesn't really bother me to have her pic in SD's room. I asked BM if she could send some updated pictures (she and SD's SF had a baby in November) so that SD could have a picture of all of them in her room. We have SD for the summer and having pictures of them all together helps with her homesickness.
Also, I might be strange, but I've tried to make sure we keep all of BM & DH's dating/engagement/wedding pictures where SD can get to them (in a closet in a marked storage box). She was 8 months old when they divorced and asks A LOT of questions about if they loved each other, why they "broke up," etc. I always loved seeing my parent's pictures that showed they loved each other at one point, so I want SD to be able to see that if she wants to. We don't have their wedding pictures out and around the house, but they are available if SD wants them.
Well, I don't think anyone expected them to make you smile, they just suggested accepting it b/c it was a tribute book. Yeah, and that is exactly what I said I did, accepted it along with the other photos of my H.
This post wasn't about putting pics of BM up for the kids; this was pics still in his BROTHER's house - it is not there for my s-kids. If the Skids brought a pic of their mom, that would be fine. I would understand b/c it IS their mom.
But my brother-n-law doesn't have the same connection with BM, so it's not the same as an old family photo. This was a pic of BM put up since my H has been divorced.
Neither of these scenarios are the same as what you all are saying is ok. I agree with those 2 scenarios as being acceptable (ie, old family photos or photos for the kid's sake).
And I'm not upset about any of it. My H and I have beautiful wedding photos. I'm just saying there's a different feeling when I come across old photos of my H with his x. And curious to see if any others have that same feeling.
1. The BIL and his family may not have a "connection" with BM but they probably have a connection w/ the the kids and you said the photo included the BIL's child and your Stepkids...the fact that the BM is in the photo is irrelevant.
2. You don't get to control how other people decorate their houses and choose which photos have special meaning to them.
3. You'll need to get over the fact that your H had a wedding photo to someone else other than you. It's part of his history and makes him part of who he is today...which you claim to love...so this is part of it. No one asked you to display it. Just put it away for the the children or send it to them...since you nearly never see them since they are 3 hours away and all.
We've got pictures of BM in SS's room. DH doesn't like looking at them but he'd never say anything to SS. DH didn't keep any of their wedding which I think is sad for SS but hopefully BM still has them to show him if he asks. DH said he never thought about keeping them to show SS. If you're not upset, I'm not going to tell you not to be upset.
I will say that I don't get a jealous feeling when I see pics of DH, BM and SS but more of a curious feeling about how two people who were once so happy and in love enough to make a commitment to each other in front of family and friends got to where they are today. DH thinks it's weird that I ask him and my sis in law (his bro's wife who I am very good friends with) about what they were like as a couple but it is a big part of his past and I'm so curious.
I dealt with something similar before (altho my DH never married the BSC woman thank god). Yes it annoyed me, it's practically human nature to be esp if you don't have a good relationship with the ex. I doubt your in laws meant to offend you tho, you said the wedding photo was in an album right? They probably didn't realize it was in there. The important thing is that she is his Ex for a reason and that he is with you, and married to YOU, not her.
When DH and I were dating, I met my current BFF through him. She was part of his circle of friends, and had pictures of his first wedding up at her house. I don't think she took them down until our wedding (when I intentionally duplicated the shot that she loved from Wedding No. 1.).
It drove me up the wall. I never said anything to her (or anyone but DH).
DSS is pretty oblivious about sentimental things like photos, but we are OK with him having pictures of his mom up in his room. No biggies.
Just don't show me pictures of the wedding! I think it's the difference in looking at BM as DSS's mom vs. DH's wife.
Actually, the photos I have up are not for SD's benifit. SD does not visit our home (she lives several hours away and we always go there to see her). There are pictures of BM at my SIL's house taken since DH and BM broke up 24 years ago. There are photos of DH up at BM's parent's home... there's even pictures of ME up at BM's parent's home. This does not strike me as strange or bad. We are of the mindset that we are all family and we treat eachother as an extended family. I recently found an old photo of DH, BM, and SD and I didn't feel "odd" at all. I think I actually verbally said "Awww, so cute!".
My grandma said this to me once: you don't just stop liking people once a divorce in the family happens. The divorce happens between two people, not the whole family.
BM was SO's high school sweetheart and they've known each other since they were kids so if you want to look at younger pictures of SO you pretty much have to accept that BM might appear in them. Since he and BM no longer have the best relationship he doesn't have any photos of her displayed in the house, but I did come across a scrapbook once that we were having a great time through until we realized it was one she had made for him shortly after their wedding. It was definitely a buzz kill but kinda part of the package. I've been married before too and he's looked at my wedding photos too. If I had my choice though I definitely wouldn't go seeking out old photos of SO and BM!