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Multiples
Comments re: twins
I feel like a lot lately I have been getting rude/annoying comments regarding twins. I know this is normal but what are your responses usually?
Yesterday I was checking out at the doctors and a new lady in training was there. All the ladies there know me and know we are having twin boys but she was scheduling an ultrasound so I let her know we are having twins, since the appointments are usually two time slots. She asked what we were having and I said two boys. She said with a frown "Oh, too bad you aren't having one of each.That would have been a lot better". I waited a moment and said "we are delighted to be having two boys". Who are you to say what would be better for our family?
I've had people make comments about what a blessing it is to be having twins.."two and you are done". I usually respond, no, we will probably have more. Why do people assume that once you have twins, you'll be done having kids?
I'm sure I should just get use to it because I know once they are born, the comments will continue. I'll just have to learn from witty comebacks!
IVF Twins...two boys!
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Re: Comments re: twins
Im just starting out with this twin stuff and everyone keeps saying "Wow your going to have your hands full"
Yep thanks for pointing that out...Took me 16 months to get here so I will take whatever comes my way
Yeah, I get that one a lot. If someone is a twin or has twins, I love to hear what they have to say, but otherwise it's like okay, that's random information that I did not need to know.
If you were having a boy and a girl, people would say "oh, one of each, now you're done!" If it were two girls, people would make comments about having two teenage girls. People always have to say SOMETHING.
Boys are awesome. I was so apprehensive about having a baby boy, because I am such a girly girl, but he is so loving and sweet. His sister is so much more high maintenance.
I've gotten two negative comments about twin boys as well. The first one wasn't to my face thankfully. The second was a complete stranger. She said, "too bad they weren't a boy and a girl." I think I said, "Ummm no quite happy they're boys." and rolled my eyes. Now that it's happened once I can guarantee I'll be a LOT snarkier at the next person. WTF kind of comment is that??
As for the other less offensive, but still annoying comments. It all depends on who says it. When I'm out, I've learned (thanks to this board) to just keep moving. Don't make eye contact and don't stop pushing that stroller when a stranger comes up to you! Just nod and move along: Uh huh yup twins, yup two boys, uh huh thanks yup have a good day!
Thank you for this piece of advice!! I'll drill it into my brain now LOL
I've got one boy already, so everyone is saying I MUST have twin girls. Ok one, I don't have any control over this and two, if I had to choose and they were the same sex, I'd ask for two boys. But that's just me....and obviously it's already decided. I'll be thrilled no matter what they are - they are God's gift to our family and I will cherish them always!
I am the same way - I think every day about how I need to get over this before they get there. A lot of the time I don't even tell strangers I am carrying twins, because the conversation either goes straight to a horror story, or I get a long winded explanation about how their aunt's sister-in-law has twins, and as a result, they are convinced they will have twins too. I think my tolerance is just really low because right now I'm tired and my back is starting to hurt ;-)
I get the same thing as PPs carrying a boy and a girl - "Oh, you're done!" Like, thank you stranger, my family planning is totally your business. And beforehand people would say "Are you going to be so disappointed if it's bb/gg?" We've never thought this would be our only pregnancy/avenue in which we'd have a child, so we're pretty sure we AREN'T done, so I honestly didn't care going into it what the sexes were.
Anyway, I need to toughen up because I know that the twin comments have only just begun. A lot of the time I don't even tell people it's twins, because then I get the "How did you get pregnant?" comment, and I don't even want to get started.
We get riled up because we can....We hear the same thing over and over and over again and it gets annoying. The bump is somewhere we can go to vent about it a little bit with other women who understand. If your not bothered by it, good for you. People just say stupid stuff sometimes that isn't called for, and we have the right to complain to each other about it if we want..
Yeah, I had quite a few people in my family say things along the lines of "Too bad it's not one of each". Umm, no, I am perfectly happy with my two girls. Makes it much easier, actually.
As far as going out in public, when we had them in their stroller, we coudln't walk 10 feet without having the typical twin questions. As soon as we split them up and put one in my DH's cart and one in mine, the stupid conversations stopped. It made it much easier to shop and I didn't have to worry about germy people trying to touch all over them.
I guess I don't get the fascination with twins because before the girls, if I saw a set, I would just go about my day. I'd think they were cute, sure, but no way did I stop the parents.
It really doesn't bother me when strangers comment on my pregnancy. I'm having 2 boys and have had no negative comments or "jee wouldn't it be nice if it were one of each". As far as the "one (pregnancy) & done" line which I've heard a million times by only strangers (and not friends or family). I used to get annoyed and think "How do they know I won't have more kids?" but the more I hear that comment the more I realize it is coming from strangers and not people who know me so who cares.
What really weirds me out about any stranger's comment about my pregnancy is that I would never have the nerve to walk up to a pregnant mother and say anything to her. But I've never had children before so I don't know if once you become a mother you all of a sudden want to share your advice/opinion with another pregnant woman.
Yeah this just happened to me the other day! We're not announcing the sexes until the baby shower. So someone I know (but haven't seen all winter) asked me what we were having and I explained we weren't telling yet. And he's like "well hopefully it's a boy and a girl and then you can be done. That would be perfect"
Well A) we think 2 girls are pretty perfect and
We're STILL done even though we're having 2 girls!
Lordy!
After 2 years, Injects, PCOS diagnosis and 2 IUI's, we were blessed with our beautiful twin girls!
Baby Girl #3!
My most shocking comment to date was - "oh, that's going to be really hard on your marriage and do you know how huge you are going to get....this in one breath from the same woman in my office who I barely talk to.
The thing thats really annoying to me is when you are in a hurry and trying to get your shopping done, and people step in front of or stand in front of your cart or stroller trying to talk to you. I really don't mind talking to people unless they expect me to stop what I am doing to talk to them.
Then there are the people who don't take a hint, and follow you around the store until you talk to them. This happend to us last weekend at costco. We were followed around the store by a family (that DH thought smelled like stinky cheese) who just kept talking about us, not to us, as they followed us around the store.
WHAT!?! holy idiot batman!
I had my first interesting comment (or conversation rather) yesterday while on the phone with a CSR. We were waiting for some information to load so, being nice, she asked if we had plans for the weekend, and I said yup, buying a van for our twins on the way. She went on to explain how she wanted twins so badly and since they didn't run in her family that it was a "must" that the man she married be a twin, have twin siblings or twins in the family, etc so she'd have higher chances of having twins (doesn't it run on the female's side anyway, not the male?! I still don't know as much as I should about twin things!) ...I have NO clue if she was making up something to be polite and try to fit in with the conversation or if she was really a quack but I couldn't wait to get off the phone with her!
Also, DH's cousins have twin boys. She told me about how some lady followed her out of Walmart one day, all the way to her car, and when she stopped all the lady did was look at her and ask "What kind of fertility medicine did you use?" uhh... rude, and way to assume! Thankfully people who have been curious with us so far (and I understand the natural curiosity) have just phrased it as "do twins run in your family", which I feel is not prying at all, thankfully, because I get it a lot. We just laugh and tell them no, that's why we were just as shocked as anyone else!
Just wait until those babies get here and you can't go anywhere without being stopped, then you may have a change of heart. Not that many of these people mean any harm, but it can be quite annoying.
I had a woman the other day in Toys R Us say to me, "Oh you have twins, you must get lots of help with them". When I told her no, she asked if our family lived far away. I again said no and let her know that I take care of them all day by myself which does not seem like a big deal to me. She then went on to say, "well you would think that your family would be there to help you. As if my family has nothing better to do than be at my house everyday helping with my babies.
This. Mine are not here yet and I feel like I don't get any privacy. People ask our family members whether we used fertility treatments. Do people ask the family members of women pregnant with singletons whether they used fertility treatments? In fact, a lot of pregnant women have used varieties of treatments -- about 9 out of 10 Clomid users get pregnant with one baby. But for the most part, if they choose not to tell, no one will ask. (Almost every new nurse who comes through my room asks ... drrr. If you really want to know, it is in my chart.) Okay. Vent over.
Preemie ID DDs; then DS; then natural M/C; now due 10/17
High risk for pre-term: weekly Makena injections
I hate the comments as well, yesterday we were out to eat and there was a guy with twin girls that were 9 months. We laughed and said they were putting the twins together and then I had to ask "are they twins" with a smile on my face. He got the joke and laughed then as he was putting them to sleep, a complete stranger walks up, leans down under the hood of the stroller and he finally just said, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm trying to get them to sleep so go away. It was like we were in our own little club because no one else gets it, we both had to roll our eyes.
I will say that the comments get fewer as they get older, we can actually go into a store and come out with no comments. I've learned that it is the stroller that attracts the comments I shop with DH and we each take a kid and separate because its the only way. I smile, yep, and keep walking, I don't stop. If I am by myself, you can bet that it is a quick trip and I have no time to stop and talk while another stranger ask the same questions. Who cares? They won't remember us 5 minutes later so why does it matter that they have to know who is the oldest, etc.
UGH, I hate that one! We're military and I constantly get asked if we're going to try for orders near our family so they can help. Um, I am sufficient enough to raise a child, manage a house, and be everything else while he's deployed, but all of a sudden I can't do it anymore?? Really?
I've been pretty laid back overall, but the comments about being "done" with 2 kids bother me. We originally were only planning to have one kid and then maybe consider a second later on, and it's almost like they meant anyone with just one kid wasn't truly a family.
I've brushed off the digging to see if we had assistance. I've even laughed to myself about the people who ask if I have a boy and a girl as they were both dressed in pink and couldn't possibly look more girly if they tried. What bothers me is the stares. The first and only time we went to a mall, we were bombarded the very minute we walked in the door. We used to go to the mall and blend in. We no longer blend and I hate it. I don't like feeling like an attraction every time we go out. Unfortunately that DSNG just screams for attention.
I've had many (including family) say to me how much help I'm going to need.. Umm no, I'm completely competent & have never been so excited to stay home with my three kiddos, no matter how hard it will be! Yes, I realize it comes with challenges, but we aren't given more than we can handle. I do not need a full time nanny to raise my children.
I have responded to the comment, "boy will you have your hands full!" with "I'd rather have them full than empty!" People usually then agree with me of course. I'd heard that comeback on the Bump & it felt good to be prepared with a good one!
I realize people aren't going out of their way to be rude, they just don't know how their responses come across to some. I try to give grace, especially knowing it's not going to end any time soon, plus we are all so blessed to have the opportunity to raise twins. Not everyone is so lucky!
Those who don't think it's annoying must a) be saints or b) must not get comments all the time.
I think the next time someone says something along the lines of "oh, too bad you didn't have a boy and girl," I will probably look at them and say really? Look at my two boys and tell me which one shouldn't be here.
6 IUIs,IVF #1 w/ICSI = BFP!
Betas, 332 & 856 = twins!
Our baby girl is here!