Any tips about getting through the first few months?

cara-n-steve

I'm SO EXHAUSTED!!!!  We  have them on an every 4 hour feeding schedule.  Of course when I wake up to feed them at 4am, I can't fall back asleep, and when I do, those are the days they decide to wake up every 20 minutes.  I know everyone says it gets better, but I'm so tired I feel like I'm in a fog.  DH is such a deep sleeper, he sleeps through EVERYTHING!

NewMommy2BeFinally

Oh, i remember these days (the memories are somewhat foggy and delirious though) and i feel for you. My advice is that you REALLY need (to wake up) your dh to help. My dh was a  lifesaver. are you BF or EBF? what me & dh did was,  after you feed one he would take her and rock her back to sleep. then when i was done with the other, i did the same. I cant see any other way of doing it. I hope some other ladies have more advice than i do. Good luck, and yes, i know u hate to hear it right now... but it WILL get better! :-) 

mbjmaybebaby

Don't try to do it all by yourself.  Wake your DH up!  I tried to do it alone bc I felt bad that DH had to work the next day...I got over that real quick! You're in a hard stage right now.  Do you have any family/friends that can come over?  We had people come over and they would MAKE me go take a nap.  One night a month we had our parents come over and take the night shifts...even if someone can take the midnight you can get more sleep than if you were up every 4 hours.

It does get better but I know I didn't like hearing that when I was in that stage either...hang in there and accept help.

cara-n-steve

I normally just wake him up if I need him to change a sheet or something.  I guess I need to talk to him about helping out more during night feedings.  I've been trying to be superwoman and do everything myself but I feel myself starting to crash and burn.  The babies are on formula so DH would totally be able to feed them. He took off this week from work to "help" but I guess help means sleep to him!  he goes back to work next week but my mother is flying down, so I'm sure she'll be a lifesaver for the week.

Thank you for the advice.  I really do need to wake him up.  I tried caffeine but all it's doing is giving me a tummy ache!

sawyer918

Ours started STTN around 8 weeks, so that helped a lot.  Coffee is still my go to thing when I need a boost which is still everyday.  I am a SAHM though, so maybe you won't be as tired. 

MrsLnt

cara-n-steve:

I normally just wake him up if I need him to change a sheet or something.  I guess I need to talk to him about helping out more during night feedings.  I've been trying to be superwoman and do everything myself but I feel myself starting to crash and burn.  The babies are on formula so DH would totally be able to feed them. He took off this week from work to "help" but I guess help means sleep to him!  he goes back to work next week but my mother is flying down, so I'm sure she'll be a lifesaver for the week.

Thank you for the advice.  I really do need to wake him up.  I tried caffeine but all it's doing is giving me a tummy ache!

This was me.  I had DH home the week we were home from the hospital, my mom the next week, and then I was on my own.  People offered to help but I refused.  I was so worn out by week 6 that I had a breakdown.  Not too long after that, we hired someone to help a few hours a day, a few days a week, and I had family come in to help with feedings.  Even if you've just got an extra set of hands for one daytime feeding, and some company, it helps. 

DH and I did nighttime shifts - we both fed at 11pm, then I was on duty until the 2:30a feeding which I did solo, at which point he took over, and he did the 6a feeding solo.   He did, however, get up with me for the 2:30a feeding to start changing diapers so I could start feeding one baby first and then start the second baby when her diaper was changed.  It shaved about 20-30 min off the whole process for me (I tandem bottle fed in boppies on the couch).

I drank so much coffee in those days (and I still do) but as they get older, they will sleep better at night, and eventually drop that middle of the night feeding, which is heavenly.  We feed ours at 11pm and they are good until 6 or 6:30am. Usually all we have to do is paci replacements in the middle of the night which, once you're used to doing feedings, is no big deal at all.

GL and hang in there.  Everyone says "it gets better" because it does.  

babydontforget

Yeah, wake up your DH. I can count on one hand the number of times that I was up doing a night feeding without DH's help. In our house it was just a given that both of us were up when the babies were up. 

kafunder

babydontforget:

Yeah, wake up your DH. I can count on one hand the number of times that I was up doing a night feeding without DH's help. In our house it was just a given that both of us were up when the babies were up. 

This. DH and I did every night feeding together, except a few times when we let the other one sleep as a "treat" or when one of us was sick.

doz&koz

I'm right there with you!  One thing that has helped is that DH and I do shifts (I also EFF).  We do the 8 p.m. shift together now that we are on a 4 hour schedule.  Then I go to bed.  He does the midnight feeing by himself then comes to bed.  Then I get up when the babies wake to be fed next (here lately thats been 4:45).  This way we are each getting a block of sleep. 

During the day I am learning to survive myself.  Yesterday I posted because my babies had been screaming all day long.  Today is better.  All I know is that we will survive this - all the MoMs around here have!

LakeGenevaBride

Yes it is hard.  Sleep deprivation sucks.  You will survive and you will probably not even remember how you got through it.  We took shifts like pp said.  DH ended up sleeping in the nursery on the floor and I slept with ear plugs when I was "off duty" b/c otherwise I kept waking up and I literally was going crazy from lack of sleep.    Up until 11 weeks I still got up to pump, it was much better when I stopped pumping.  Do whatever you have to do to get by.  After the 4 or 5am feed I would put them in the swings and lay on the couch.   In other words, wherever they sleep best, let them.  And don't compare your babies to everyone elses.  I kept reading about other twins who were SSTN at like 8 weeks old.  I was disappointed when 8 weeks came and went and mine weren't SSTN.  But it will happen. 

Haven1

We do shifts rather than both getting up together, but yes, he needs to help in some way.  To this day, my DH takes the monitor from 11-3 in the living room, and I take it from 3-7.  Having a solid block was more important to me than being up for shorter periods of time each feeding.  Up to you though.

While I didn't sleep when they slept during the day, I absolutely took at least one nap a day.  Every day.  Screw the dishes, the laundry, a shower, anything.  So long as I had a clean bottle and diaper for the next feeding, nothing else needed to be done.

And yes, sttn at 8w isn't the case for everyone.  Mine were 14 and 17w, and it's still a little fragile with DS1.

bkjcwedding

Totally agree with PP about waking DH up. Also, if someone wants to make you dinner/do your laundry/vacuum/go the grocery or even just come over for a few hours to take care of the babies and let you take a nap/shower.. LET THEM!!!

You don't get any extra points for doing it all by yourself and if you do let someone take care of you or help take care of them you'll be a better, happier MoM in the long run.

 (((HUGS))) It does get easier!!!

kafunder

To follow up on what a few others have said, don't turn down any help (unless it will cause you more work). The first few weeks after DH went back to work, I thought I could do it all on my own during the day. I figured that I was these babies' mother--I should be able to take care of my babies all by myself. MIL, who I get along great with, offered to help, but I wanted to be superwoman. After a few weeks, I was going nuts, and realized that by having here come help, I was a better mom. It allowed me to spend time with my babies when they weren't feeding and let me have a chance to nap or exercise, which made me feel so much better about the world.

blondek8

Wake up DH to help with night feeds. Get people to come over and watch babies for a bit so you can nap. Go to bed early and often. Booze helps if you don't like coffee.

It gets better, promise. (I type this as Ryan is having an epic meltdown.) The boys are 5 months+ and they're pretty funny lately and super interactive. That alone helps sooo much. We still get up at least once a night to feed them still. DH and I are still sleep deprived but less so than in those early weeks and months. October, November, December and part of January are a bit of a blur ...  Seems like a really, really long time but it's not. You'll find a way to cope -- look at all of us that have! Good luck! You're doing a great job!