disappointed in myself

monkey_pants

I'm trying hard not to get down on myself, but I'm upset that I continue to need so much help.  DD is 4.5 wks old and I feel as though I should be able to manage her on my own during the day but it's SO hard.  We hired a baby nurse last week and she was fantastic -- I pretty much followed her around to understand what she was doing with DD because I have no idea what I'm doing.  I thought a week of training would be enough for me to start to brave it alone but DD was really hard to manage for a while yesterday and today.  The baby nurse is coming back tonight because DH is away for the night for work and after last night (DD super fussy from 6pm-11:30pm), DH thinks we should have her come in nights for us for the next few weeks.  He works a lot and while he has been trying to come home at a reasonable hour (like 6 or 7 instead of 9 or 10), he still has to get some work done in the evenings and needs to be able to sleep decently.  On the weekends and when he can on weeknights (before bed), DH helps out a lot - he's very hands-on -- but during the day it's just me and her. He's always telling me what a great job I'm doing but I feel like it's not enough. 

It doesn't help that every time I nurse DD, I then give her 1oz by bottle and then pump if she'll let me put her down.  I know I could handle the feeding if it was just that but add on random fussiness here and there and I feel like I'm failing.  I know I'm so fortunate that DH and I make enough money to afford a baby nurse and all the LC appts I've been having, but I still wish I was able to handle this on my own.  There are so many people out there who are doing it by themselves 24-7 -- single parents and military wives, etc.  And then there are tons of people with more than one kid.  I just really want to feel self-sufficient and instead I feel frustrated and like I'm letting myself and DD down.  DH told me to get the baby nurse here as much as I feel like I need her but I don't really know what to do

daniellepanda

If you feel like you really need the help and can afford it then go for it. My mother and MIL were here the first couple of weeks but after they left its just me during the days until I go back to work in May while DH is at work. The first few days after our moms left I was slightly scared to be alone with him, mostly in case something happened like he choked or something and I wouldnt know what to do. Honestly though you may want to force yourself to just be alone with the baby, you will probably get most comfortable in the end, by being slightly uncomfortable for a short while. It may sound silly but you have natural mothering instincts that will kick in and you will just know what to do. That is only my experience though so you should just do what feels right for you.

cuadrakaren

you aren't the only one. i stay home with dd everyday but feel totally lost. my mom stops by just about every other day to give me a break from dd. i even called her at 10 last night cause dd wouldn't stop crying and had been crying since 4 in the afternoon. i haven't even bathed dd by myself yet! i think/hope it gets better with time. just know you're not alone.

Mrs.EmmaLouise

There is nothing wrong with needing help from time to time.  I'm glad you are able to get some help in the evenings.  ((HUGS))

monkey_pants

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement.  I'm a really independent person so it's hard for me to constantly need help.  And I also hate the feeling that I don't know what's going on and, well, it turns out that's pretty much how parenthood feels all the time.  I agree with PP who said I need to force myself to try it on my own -- that's why I didn't have the baby nurse yesterday and today (she arrived tonight).  And I'm going to try it again on Thursday or Friday but for right now it's baby steps (no pun intended).  I think part of the problem when I'm home by myself with DD is that I'm not relaxed and she's sensing that, which doesn't help the fussiness. 

daniellepanda

Its true, when you relax she will be more relaxed. Good luck, im sure you will do great on your own as soon as you feel more comfortable

thatsmary

In previous generations women in your family would come live with you for a month or so to help out and friends would bring you meals.  Now that our families are so spread out that doesn't happen very much.  Don't feel bad about needing help. 

Sometimes I wish I had a wet nurse to help out.  DD eats constantly!  And last night when I was exhausted and DD fought going to sleep for 3 hours until DH (who has to work) got out of bed and rocked her to sleep, I really wished I had an extra me around.  But I don't, so I do the best I can.

Like you and PPs said, your DD is going to benefit most of all from you relaxing.  I know for me I get stressed packing up everything and leaving the house and I hate to hear DD cry in the car, but I get all tense if I spend too long at home.  I really enjoy visiting friends and family (who live an hour drive away), but even Target with a baby carrier can bring back my sanity for a little bit.