What would you want most from your friends?
Rinny22
member
One of my girlfriend's had her second baby a week before I had my first, and in the last two months has developed Postpartum Psychosis...She had PPD after her first child, but was hoping she wouldn't struggle with it this time around.
As her friend, I feel so unsure of what to do for her...I've offered to help any way I can, but she hasn't asked for anything (I'm sure enlisting your own support group is not on her priority list right now, and totally understand) I talked to her husband and am bringing over a meal tomorrow, but I am kinda nervous about what to say to her...what was the most helpful to you in the first months? Is there anything you would have wanted a friend to do/ask you? Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated...I just want to help, and not be a nusiance!
TIA
Re: What would you want most from your friends?
take a look at postpartum progress blog... it gives good advice.
bringing over a meal is a great start, i would not ask 'how are you?' or 'how are you feeling' and if you're visiting, try to talk about things other than the baby. You know she's not feeling or doing well. So, just start talking... about adult things! But don't be offended if she's not up for talking/visiting.
Another thing you can do is instead of waiting to be asked for help, just offer it. Tell her you're coming over at such and such a time, and wash her dishes or vaccum or fold laundry. Or offer to go on walks with her.
~~ married 8.11.07
~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
~~ BFP4 10.27.16 MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
DS born 8/2010 - preliminary stages of SN int'l adoption - fur mama to 2 shelter dogs; cloth diapering, babywearing, EBFing mama
I've got PPD right now. DS is just over 5 weeks. I just want to be left the h*ll alone and it really irritates me when people continuously ask me how I'm doing. I'm at the point where I answer with, "I'm losing my GD mind..........and you?"
But that's just me. Different people need/want different things and you'll never know until you take the plunge and ask.
I agree with everyone...just get a feel for her and how she reacts and just go for offering different things. Some want to be left alone, some want someone to talk to, and some just want a hug. You know your friend better than any of us, and I think it will speak volumes that you are wanting to simply offer a meal.
As someone who has suffered from depression for a while now, and is back on meds because I'm developing PRE post-partum (not exactly sure what you call that, haha), I can offer my outlook and maybe it will help? The most meaningful thing for me is when someone invites me to get out of the house (even if you are toting around a baby...this is my first, but I'm sure I won't mind being around my LO). Maybe invite her out to get ice cream, go for a walk at a park, take the kids to the zoo, go shopping, go out for lunch...because then she's forced to get out of her enviroment that might be stressing her out and it will give you two a chance to talk. Just be very willing to listen and offer sympathy. Do NOT say anything about, "Just think positive thoughts and then you can't be depressed." My mother told me that last week and I was like, you just don't get it. Be very careful about offering advice, because for a depressed person, nothing works or sounds doable or it can come across that you just don't understand. You feel very "stuck" and hopeless when you're depressed.
Just be a friend and offer what you can. And keep checking in on her periodically. For me, I know it's not feasible to get together with someone everyday. And I don't want to be a burden. I also know how much work it is to help a friend dealing with something like this. Just drop her a little note, text, FB message, etc. just to say you're thinking of her and hoping she has a great day.
She's very lucky to have someone like you in her life that's willing to try and help!