Unnecesarean...

Paul&Mel

So...my friend liked this link on her fb: https://www.theunnecesarean.com/ She is fairly green, had an all natural birth, is against epidurals, etc...

I had a c-section. Maybe I shouldn't be offended, but I feel like her liking this link publicly on fb, is like saying that my c-section was unnecessary. It was not the birth I had planned for. It was something I really didn't want. You know what, sh!t happens. You don't always get what you want. I feel like any sane person who pushed for two hours with absolutely no progress would have opted for the c-section too. I don't think that I should have to justify my reasons for agreeing to a c-section, the same way I don't expect her to justify her reasons for a natural birth.

Any thoughts?

kat81

I can't watch the video right now, but I will comment with my thoughts for now. I feel like the c-section thing is like the breastfeeding thing.... Basically, there are a LOT of unnecessary c-sections out there. Doctors in this country are, on average, trigger happy with them, and certain hospitals are really bad about it. Sometimes there are steps you can take as a patient to try to push back against that and sometimes there are not. That being said, all of the talk about "unnecessarians" (I like that "word" btw!) makes people feel guilty when they do get one, which is so messed up! You should never feel guilty or weird for having one. You should never feel like you failed or didn't do enough to try to avoid one, even if you did nothing or even pushed for one. Every birth is personal! C-sections are often life-saving, convenient, or just downright BETTER than vaginal births! I say it's like breastfeeding because yes, we should encourage mothers to BF because of the benefits, but not everyone can do it or wants to do it. So it's really messed up that those who don't BF end up feeling guilty about it. There's nothing wrong with FF or with c-sections!!

As for your friend she might have posted it as an awareness thing...women should know how to try to avoid c-sections if they want to avoid them. But I see how it can feel like judging if you had one, even if she didn't mean it that way (and maybe she did mean it that way, which is really wrong!) 

ETA: I guess related to the "awareness" thing is just any pushback against unnecessary medical procedures. Often procedures are risky and they are always costly. So if they are completely unnecessary that's no good. But yeah, the way it gets talked about with c-sections is almost too much in the other direction because people who did need them, or elected to have them given particular circumstances, are made to feel guilty for absolutely no reason. 

canthardlywait426

flgirl79:

As long as you are content with how your labor and delivery process went, then that is all that matters, really.

That being said, I would have been annoyed at her post too.

I agree with this. I had to have a c section because of how big he was and how small I am. Because my dr had done a reproductive surgery on me a year ago she knew exactly how small my pelvic bone and hips etc were. She pushes vaginal deliveries but was adamant that she didn't think I'd be able to push him out and that he would be in distress. THEN we found out I had virtually no amniotic fluid and he needed to come out right then. Was it the birth I wanted? No. Was it easy? No. Was it what was necessary to keep my son safe, alive, and healthy? Yes. In the end that wins every time.

Paul&Mel

Thinking a little bit more about it, I'm sure she is just trying to be informative. Still annoys me a little bit because every situation/birth is different. Oh well. Even with the c-section, I am happy with my labor/delivery/and healthy baby. That's all that really matters.

Jb&Jb

i follow her on facebook as well and am active with ICAN.

i'm somebody who feels like my c/s was unnecessary (and my suspicions were validated by my new OB that I VBAC'ed with).  she is not saying all cesareans are unnecessary but there is a trend in obstetrics to push women to cesarean when some time, or less intervention would have lead way to vaginal birth.  cesareans are an important procedure that can be life saving for mom and baby, but they are with risks and shouldn't be used as commonly as they are today (1 in 3 women have a cesarean).

 it's easy to see where someone might be offended, but the purpose of The Unnecesarean is not to make women feel crappy about their c/s, especially if the woman herself was satisfied by her experience and/or the c/s was medically necessary.

 

edit: how does her liking a page on facebook mean you need to justify your experience?  i think you're totally missing the boat on the commentary that The Unnecesarean provides.

TheDreamingTree

I couldn't get the story to come up, but I get the jist of it from your post, and I would be annoyed too.

She is lucky she didn't have to endure pushing for as long as you did and then end up having to take care of a newborn AND recover from surgery. I would probably write something like that on her FB page....seriously, not everyone gets the birth experience they want/plan for.

 

beansie23

I was planning on a vaginal birth, but ended up with a c section. A week before my due date everything looked great and complication free. Once in labor we found out DD was sunny side up and was not coming down. Her heart rate went into distress. Though she came out of it I was only 4 cm so doc ordered the ceasarean. Turns out the cord was tangled with her head and her hand, and that is why she didn't cone down. Although my c section was medically necessary, I am happy that I didn't give birth vaginally. My recovery was very easy and I would much rather have stitches above my hair line than through my lady bits. Flame away, but I am not even considering a VBAC for any future LO's. Cut me open!!

Paul&Mel

beansie23:

I was planning on a vaginal birth, but ended up with a c section. A week before my due date everything looked great and complication free. Once in labor we found out DD was sunny side up and was not coming down. Her heart rate went into distress. Though she came out of it I was only 4 cm so doc ordered the ceasarean. Turns out the cord was tangled with her head and her hand, and that is why she didn't cone down. Although my c section was medically necessary, I am happy that I didn't give birth vaginally. My recovery was very easy and I would much rather have stitches above my hair line than through my lady bits. Flame away, but I am not even considering a VBAC for any future LO's. Cut me open!!

I feel the exact same way now. No flames from this girl!

rainydayluck

Paul&Mel:

beansie23:

I was planning on a vaginal birth, but ended up with a c section. A week before my due date everything looked great and complication free. Once in labor we found out DD was sunny side up and was not coming down. Her heart rate went into distress. Though she came out of it I was only 4 cm so doc ordered the ceasarean. Turns out the cord was tangled with her head and her hand, and that is why she didn't cone down. Although my c section was medically necessary, I am happy that I didn't give birth vaginally. My recovery was very easy and I would much rather have stitches above my hair line than through my lady bits. Flame away, but I am not even considering a VBAC for any future LO's. Cut me open!!

I feel the exact same way now. No flames from this girl!

Me third! I love love love my c-section experience. I trust that mine was necessary. My baby was breech, IUGR and I had very low AFI. Even if she was just breech, I personally think that choosing a vag birth for that is kind of selfish. It is proven to be more dangerous for the baby and I totally wouldn't put my baby at risk just for my desire (which I don't have) for a natural birth. I won't try for a vbac because I loved my c-section so much. 

I get annoyed with people who post "holier than thou" things about bfing and natural birth on facebook all. the. time. so I just block their updates.  

Paul&Mel

Jb&Jb:

i follow her on facebook as well and am active with ICAN.

i'm somebody who feels like my c/s was unnecessary (and my suspicions were validated by my new OB that I VBAC'ed with).  she is not saying all cesareans are unnecessary but there is a trend in obstetrics to push women to cesarean when some time, or less intervention would have lead way to vaginal birth.  cesareans are an important procedure that can be life saving for mom and baby, but they are with risks and shouldn't be used as commonly as they are today (1 in 3 women have a cesarean).

 it's easy to see where someone might be offended, but the purpose of The Unnecesarean is not to make women feel crappy about their c/s, especially if the woman herself was satisfied by her experience and/or the c/s was medically necessary.

 

edit: how does her liking a page on facebook mean you need to justify your experience?  i think you're totally missing the boat on the commentary that The Unnecesarean provides.

She is one of my best friends. I was a little bit offended because by liking this page it feels a bit like she isn't being supportive of me and something that I went through. I feel like her liking that page means I have to explain to her why my c/s was or wasn't medically necessary. Clearly, I don't really need to do this, but that's just how I felt at the time.

Like I said, I'm sure she was just trying to be informative. I am happy with the way my birth experience went. That's all that really matters

babyonthebrain2010

honestly when I hear people talk about that and people who say they're going to go all natural blah blah blah I kinda wish they have a situation like mine where the c-section is the best choice for you and the baby (stuck breech baby).  people think it's taking the easy way out and that totally pisses me off.

that said, I loved my c-section experience and am super happy that all of my future pregnancies will result in c-sections (my doctor doesn't even attempt VBACs and I love my doctor)

MrsRonBurgundy

I have a close friend who works in healthcare industry and is super informed on medical blah blah blah etc. She once made a comment about there being so many unnecessary c-sections in the world and how doctors push it on you.

In the moment it kind of offended me, but I didn't say anything. She knows I had a C and she knew my whole story. A few weeks later when something came up about childbirth (we were pregnant at the same time so always talking about this stuff) I asked her point blank, "Do you think my c-section was medically unnecessary?" and she said "Absolutely not." 

I was relieved to hear that she thought that and I don't think she was blowing sunshine up my azz. She's the type who would say.  

So, let me submit, that your friend, like my friend is probably not thinking about you or meaning to reference you in any way with that link. And while I had a c, and mine was medically necessary in my opinion and while I do not like people criticizing other peoples' choices etc, I do agree that there are tons of gratuitous Cs out there.

 In my case I labored for nearly 25 hrs with almost no dilation/progress and the baby was starting to crash. I even pushed back when my doctor told me I probably needed a C-section; I asked for more time. So even knowing all that, I was still thinking someone was judging me. It's hard not to assume someone means you, even when they don't.