Bedsharing ?

danjou21

After almost 5 months of trying and trying to get DS to sleep at night, we are finally putting him in bed with us when he really struggles.  He is sleeping much better this way.  Since I never researched cosleeping/bed sharing before he was born, I have a few questions.  First, what sort of set up do you use?  Right now we are putting his head between our pillows.  Last night I put him in the pack n play right next to me (kind of like a cosleeper) and he still woke up a million times - I think he likes to be able to feel us.  Also, he is still a very restless sleeper.  DH and I both get wacked in the face several times at night.  Is this normal?  TIA!

SWBs Wifey

You should probably read up on co-sleeping safety to minimize risks.  Here's what Dr Sears has to say:

DOS:

• Take precautions to prevent baby from rolling out of bed, even though it is unlikely when baby is sleeping next to mother. Like heat-seeking missiles, babies automatically gravitate toward a warm body. Yet, to be safe, place baby between mother and a guardrail or push the mattress flush against the wall and position baby between mother and the wall. Guardrails enclosed with plastic mesh are safer than those with slats, which can entrap baby's limbs or head. Be sure the guardrail is flush against the mattress so there is no crevice that baby could sink into.
• Place baby adjacent to mother, rather than between mother and father. Mothers we have interviewed on the subject of sharing sleep feel they are so physically and mentally aware of their baby's presence even while sleeping, that it's extremely unlikely they would roll over onto their baby. Some fathers, on the other hand, may not enjoy the same sensitivity of baby's presence while asleep; so it is possible they might roll over on or throw out an arm onto baby. After a few months of sleep-sharing, most dads seem to develop a keen awareness of their baby's presence.
• Place baby to sleep on his back.
• Use a large bed, preferably a queen-size or king-size. A king-size bed may wind up being your most useful piece of "baby furniture." If you only have a cozy double bed, use the money that you would ordinarily spend on a fancy crib and other less necessary baby furniture and treat yourselves to a safe and comfortable king-size bed.
• Some parents and babies sleep better if baby is still in touching and hearing distance, but not in the same bed. For them, a bedside co-sleeper is a safe option.

DON'TS:

• Do not sleep with your baby if:

  1. You are under the influence of any drug (such as alcohol or tranquilizing medications) that diminishes your sensitivity to your baby's presence. If you are drunk or drugged, these chemicals lessen your arousability from sleep.

  2. You are extremely obese. Obesity itself may cause sleep apnea in the mother, in addition to the smothering danger.

  3. You are exhausted from sleep deprivation. This lessens your awareness of your baby and your arousability from sleep.

  4. You are breastfeeding a baby on a cushiony surface, such as a waterbed or couch. An exhausted mother could fall asleep breastfeeding and roll over on the baby.

  5. You are the child's baby-sitter. A baby-sitter's awareness and arousability is unlikely to be as acute as a mother's.

• Don't allow older siblings to sleep with a baby under nine months. Sleeping children do not have the same awareness of tiny babies as do parents, and too small or too crowded a bed space is an unsafe sleeping arrangement for a tiny baby.
• Don't fall asleep with baby on a couch. Baby may get wedged between the back of the couch and the larger person's body, or baby's head may become buried in cushion crevices or soft cushions.
• Do not sleep with baby on a free-floating, wavy waterbed (those without internal baffles), as a sleeping infant's face can become trapped in the depression formed by the weight of the head and the body. A baby may also sink too far down in the crevice between the mattress and frame or alongside the parent. At the encouragement of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), manufacturers have agreed to label waterbeds "unsafe for infants." "Waveless" waterbeds (those with internal baffles), or waterbeds that are filled to become as firm as a regular mattress may be safer for sharing sleep. As an added safety measure, baby could sleep on a firm sleep mat rolled out on top of the firm waterbed. If you use a firm or "waveless" waterbed, be sure all the crevices between the mattress and frame are filled.
• Do not fall asleep with a baby on a beanbag or similar "sinky" surface in which baby could suffocate.
• Don't overheat or overbundle baby. Be particularly aware of overbundling if baby is sleeping with a parent. Other warm bodies are an added heat source.
• Don't wear lingerie with string ties longer than eight inches. Ditto for dangling jewelry. Baby may get caught in these entrapments.
• Avoid pungent hair sprays, deodorants, and perfumes. Not only will these camouflage the natural maternal smells that baby is used to and attracted to, but foreign odors may irritate and clog baby's tiny nasal passages. Reserve these enticements for sleeping alone with your spouse.

Use common sense when sharing sleep. Anything that could cause you to sleep more soundly than usual or that alters your sleep patterns can affect your baby's safety. Nearly all the highly suspected (but seldom proven) cases of fatal "overlying" I could find in the literature could have been avoided if parents had observed common sense sleeping practices.

Temp76535187505890

I keep DD next to me more down by my side because I allow her to nurse whenever she feels like it.  Much easier than moving her all over the bed in the middle of the night.  Plus, DS generally crawls in bed with us in the middle of the night too and he is ALL.OVER.THE.FREAKING.BED and he's the one who smacks us in the face, puts feet in our backs, etc.  Somehow I'm very good at catching those crazy feet and arms from ever smacking DD but not myself....weird. 

Anyway, I keep the blankets and such down around my waist and if I'm cold I have a separate very light blanket that I drape over my shoulders from behind and away from DD. 

Edited because I apparently am into using homophones today.  

mrs.a.butler

Same as ArmyQM really.

I bedshared with C, not so much with L, but it's because L sleeps better in his own space.  So he sleeps in the cosleeper, wakes to nurse, sleeps with me until he starts squirming around, then I move him back to his bed.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  lol

 

With C, I had the co-sleeper attached to my side of the bed, in hopes that he would use it.  lol.  He slept between me and the co-sleeper (I slept more in the middle of the bed so he had more room).  That way if he happened to roll off, he would be in his bed...it was ~4" drop maybe, so it's not a like he would have really fallen.  
When he was able to pull up on the side of the co-sleeper, I moved it out of the room, and pushed my bed all the way against the wall.  So he then slept between me and the wall, I still slept in the middle to give him more room on that side.  
I wanted to get a side rail but never did, and really never needed it (I did push my bed every night before we got in to make sure it was still snug against the wall).  

DH is a heavy sleeper and didn't want to chance him rolling, which is a problem with a lot of dad's I think.   

ETA:  Oh, and yes, C used to hit me all the time. :P 

SWBs Wifey

ArmyQM:

I keep DD next to me more down by my side because I allow her to nurse whenever she feels like it.  Much easier than moving her all over the bed in the middle of the night.  Plus, DS generally crawls in bed with us in the middle of the night too and he is ALL.OVER.THE.FREAKING.BED and he's the one who smacks us in the face, puts feet in our backs, etc.  Somehow I'm very good at catching those crazy feet and arms from ever smacking DD but not myself....weird. 

Anyway, I keep the blankets and such down around my waist and if I'm cold I have a separate very light blanket that I drape over my shoulders from behind and away from DD. 

Edited because I apparently am into using homophones today.  

I did the same things when C was co-sleeping with us. 

danjou21

Thanks ladies!  We don't nurse in bed (I have to use a nipple shield and cannot figure out how to nurse him side lying) but I still get to sleep more!