I am so nervous about baby #2 - a long whine
Like way more nervous than I was with Cecelia. I feel like this time I know what I am getting myself into and that is scary! Everything is so easy now with a toddler who can walk and talk (minus the temper tantrums!) and who can sleep through the night and who can feed herself and play independently...
Plus I feel like this pregnancy has been much different. I've had some type of cold 18 out of the 19 weeks - well that's probably exagurating, I wasn't sick the first 4 weeks, thankfully. Strep twice, a stomach virus, pink eye, and lots of congestionsince then. And I always get it on the weekends, which fortunately has kept me from missing work (until this morning), but hasn't really given me time to relax. And with Cecelia, I used to teach all day and then come home and sit on the couch and now I am chasing a bunch of kiddos all day and then chasing my own toddler at night.
I just feel a lot grumpier and more tired this time around. And I am really scared that all this sickness is going to affect the baby. Cecelia was so easy-going (minus our breastfeeding issues) and I was so happy while I was pregnant with her. I am so afraid that how I feel is going to be an indication of how this baby's tempermant is going to be.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way. I haven't really felt the baby kick yet and we find out the sex friday so I am hoping those two things help me to feel more bonded to this baby. I am also hoping that warmer weather and sunnier days makes me feel a little happier. We just wanted this baby so badly and now I feel like such a horrible mommy for being in such a negative mood.
I'm going to keep rambling. I am worried about how the baby will affect Cecelia too. She is so used to being around other kids, but having her parents to herself evenings and weekends. And if I get a colicky baby then she will have to listen to crying all the time too. I feel like I can take it, but I don't want to put her through anything uncomfortable.
And then with the kiddos I am watching for childcare. They are all teacher's children so I'm going to have at least 3 weeks off (assuming the baby is here by his/her due date - hopefully!) And then I am planning to hire someone to come help me in the mornings for the first few weeks of school. But since I am sick again right now, I am listening to all the kids run around the house and eat breakfast and thinking that having someone to come help me isn't really going to help me get a lot of extra sleep or anything... But at least I guess I am getting to sit in bed and play on the bump.... And then what if this baby is crying all the time and waking them up from their naps? I have such a good group of kids, but it is still so scary to add another child into the mix.
Ugh. Someone calm me down or just remind me that the hard part only lasts like 3 months, right? Right? And all this worrying means that I am just going to have another easy-going child and I should just stop thinking about it!
If you've got this far, here's a drink
. I'm really missing wine a lot more this time around too! Oh no!
Re: I am so nervous about baby #2 - a long whine
For me, going from 1 to 2 was (and still is) a billion times harder than going from none to one, even before I started doing it on my own. Having an infant the 2nd time around was a lot less stressful since I knew what I was doing this time.
However, it's all worth it when I see how much they love each other. Not so much when they're fighting, which is 95% of the time lately, but you get the picture.
Well, I can't say you guys made me feel a whole lot better!
But, it is nice to hear that the infant part was less stressful. And I think watching them grow-up together and play together and laugh together (atleast some of the time!) is what is going to keep me going.
And surely, there is someone on this board who had a hard(ish) pregnancy and an easy baby! And just found it so easy to adjust to 2 kids! Please? Please? Someone? Anyone?
I think at some point in her pregnancy, every woman feels that way if she already has one (or more) kids. You get used to things being a certain way, and it's hard not imagine that adding another child isn't going to upset that balance somehow. When I was pregnant with my second son, I remember standing over my sleeping child in his crib and just sobbing my eyes out, worried to death how I was ruining his life.
I can also identify with having more, or at least different, stress during my second pregnancy. I hated my job, my husband was laid off when I was 5 months along, and Justin was having problems at daycare and ended up getting kicked out. My second pregnancy was no fun at all.
But now my sweet second baby is 18 months old, and he truly is the sweetest, most laid-back child ever. After all of the stress of my pregnancy, it never extended to his personality. None of us can imagine life without him. I can't tell you it will be easier, my point is not to tell you that it's all puppies and rainbows. My two boys fight quite often and I find myself wanting to just knock their heads together sometimes. But the fact is, your DD will never really remember what life was like with just her and not without her new sibling. Hopefully you can count on your DH to pitch in and help with her when your new little one comes along. My husband took over bath and bedtime duty for our older one when Tyler was born and it helped a whole lot.
It will all be OK. Crazy, but OK.
Tyler Anthony arrived on 9.21.09
The Chronicles of Justin and Tyler
((hugs)) I think all the concerns you have are completely valid-- obviously I just have Nicholas so I cant speak from personal experience but I would recommend breaking down each of your concerns one by one. Talk through each worry with DH, I've found often that when I have a lot going on and I feel overwhelmed even the smallest thing puts me over the edge. It's much easier to wrap my head around each thing and rationalize (not that youre being irrational but you KWIM) an appropriate reaction.
I will say try not to worry about your pregnancy affecting the baby. I had the most awful pregnancy, felt horrible 99% of the time, was in a high stress situation and I worried that Nicholas would come and be really picky and colicky and just an unhappy baby from all the in-utero stress but he was EXACTLY the opposite. He literally is the most happy natured and calm baby I've ever been around. People comment all the time asking "is he this happy all the time?" and he genuinely is.
As for things being harder for Cecelia-- yes, it will obviously be an adjustment for her but think of how many people have siblings, none of us are significantly scarred by having a younger sibling disrupt our routine, take some of our time with mom and dad, etc. She is young, she wont even remember these changes-- it will just always feel like she had a younger brother/sister around. I think the benefits of having a sibling for your children FAR outweigh any of the *TEMPORARY* disruptions. Remember everything is temporary-- things will be up in the air and wild for a bit but you will settle into a new "normal" just like you did when you first had Cecelia. You dont need to decide everything now, wait and see how things go. There is no use worrying about stuff like work, etc. now because there is nothing you can do about the situation. GL mama and feel free to vent! Pregnancy is hard and I cant imagine how much harder its going to be when you already have a little one running around!
I found the first three months very easy. And then it all got d@mn hard. There is absolutely no down or "me" time until after your kids are in bed. You need to be on alert all the time with two small ones. Going anywhere in the car without help is a major production and just freaking exhausting.
It's hard. But what are you going to do, put him up for adoption? Lots of people have multiple children and you just get through the craziness. For each new challenge I tell myself it's only temporary and then things change.
Both my kids are pretty laid back and self-entertaining and both pregnancies had their challenges. I think there is exactly zero correlation between pregnancy stressfulness/easiness and child's temperament. I can't make you any promises about what your second baby's temperament is going to be. But whatever it is you'll survive it and you'll learn your family's new dynamic.
As far as the effect on #1. We all give thought to that but DD won't have any memory of her life before the arrival of #2. Everyone adjusts eventually. DD might love having a sibling - I know my DD does. She's had no transition issues at all. Your situation might be similar.
Good luck. It's not easy but it's rewarding.
I had similar experiences while pregnant the second time around and can laugh at them now since I see how thrilled Nora is about being a big sis. The newborn through early infant phase this time around was a cake walk. Things are changing now that #2 is crawling and purposefully looks for things to get into. I can't walk out of the room for a second anymore so it's a little harder. The biggest difference has been that DD#1 loves to entertain her little sis. I can see that getting better and better as they can play with the same toys.
It's been better than I could have imagined.
I have no advice about going from 1 to 2 but I can tell you that you're not alone in worrying about how outside stress is going to affect the baby. It makes me feel crazy somedays that the million daily stresses are going to affect her and shape her temperment. Just remember to take a breath. You can do this.