Family is being super rude about our name choice.

NothingLikeBarbie

The other day we were at a family get together, and some of my aunts asked what we were naming the baby. We replied Silas, and they just gave us the most disgusted look. Then they kind of giggled and asked what the other choices were.

They then proceeded to tell me Silas wasn't really a name. Uh, WHAT? I am a name-nerd and would NEVER name my child something made up, so this struck a huge nerve. I just didn't even know what to say to them about it.

 Anyone else deal with something similar? What did you say back to them?

I'mAcrossThePond

No real "come back" advise, but I found keeping the name a secret until the baby was born was a much better way to go.

KristinaIsAGeek

Agreed. It's harder to have bad feelings over a name already attached to a baby. For instance, my nephew was just born and my SIL named him Nykyrian (Nigh-kee-ree-an). She kept it a secret right up until delivery.

FWIW, I love the name SIlas. It's edgy and versatile.

breezy79

exactly why we're keeping our names top secret information.

you'll never get those comments out of your head

melody921

I'mAcrossThePond:

No real "come back" advise, but I found keeping the name a secret until the baby was born was a much better way to go.

This is precisely why we didn't reveal DS's name until he was born. We figured people would have to be super rude to say anything once he was here with the name. FWIW, Silas is a real name, so just ignore people.

ames71

1. Silas is a fantastic name.

2. Your aunts made themselves look uneducated by stating that Silas is not a name. Not to mention they seem rude and childish by giggling at your choice. 

3. Take the pp's advice and just keep your choice to yourself. 

PhilsWife07

No offense, OP, but Silas, albeit a real name, is not exactly mainstream (yet). I'd work on building a thicker skin as theirs won't be the first weird looks you're likely to get when you tell people his name.

Notwifezilla7

I would send your aunt a copy of Silas Marner.

MissMommyMac

I like Silas but family is always going to have something to say about name choices. Just ignore them and tell them that if you wanted them to name your child than you would have asked.

starlight8323

Hello! I see that you are new to the Bump! I'm glad to see a fellow self-proclaimed name nerd hanging around. Too bad you didn't make it over to the Baby Names Board a few days ago (before your family get together). We talk about this subject frequently. I would say most of us agree on keeping the name a secret until birth.

Sometimes sharing names ahead of time leads to unfortunate instances of "name claiming". Just in case this happens to you, here unofficial BNB Cardinal Rules of Baby Naming.

1. No one owns a name; therefore, nobody can steal "your" name.

2. She who has a baby first, gets to name a baby first.

3. It's your baby, therefore you get to pick the name you like.

I know this doesn't apply to your situation with your aunts, but they are good to keep on hand, just in case. And I thought since you are presumably going to be joining in our discussions (frequently, I hope), you might want to know something about the board. For more tips on how to succeed here, read the Unofficial Guide to the Baby Names Board using this link:

https://tb-babynames.blogspot.com/p/helpful-hints.html

Good luck with your aunts, and have a great day!

EastCoastBride

PhilsWife07:

I'd work on building a thicker skin as theirs won't be the first weird looks you're likely to get when you tell people his name.

This.  We went w/ the name Declan.  Definitely not mainstream.  And we KNEW we'd raise a few eyebrows.  Even so, we told people ahead of time.

MIL was the worst.  When we read our top 5 names w/ Declan being the front runner, seh was like "Oh, any of those except Declan".  I just said "Well, get used to the idea. It's the front runner.".

She never said anything to us about it again. HOwever, I do know she was kind of nasty about it w/ my parents while at the hospital as I gave birth....  but my mom put her in her place, kind of, over it. 

But really - you have to have a thicker skin about it.  And if you can't handle the feedback, stop telling people.  Once the baby is here adn that's their name, it tends to silence people.

mommyofboys86

Estwd2:

I'm actually the opposite of PPs. I'm no good at keeping secrets, so we went ahead and told everyone who knows I'm pregnant our name choices. However, we preface it by saying "We already chose a boy and a girl name. They are non-negotiable. If you don't like it, that's great, but they are not changing." We have yet to get any negative reactions that way.

This. I get negative feedback all the time...blah blah blah. It went through one ear and out the other. I really don't care what my family thinks at all. I make fun of their names if they piiss me off too bad. Don't get upset it is normal. Just ignore.

rubber_chicken

Honestly, Silas is a little out-there, yes it's a real name but it's not particularly common, so it's unrealistic to expect everyone to jump for joy and scream "I love this name!"

The reality is, it doesn't matter what name you chose, someone's going to have something negative to say about it.  The only solution is to not tell anyone.  Then when the baby's born, they'll still think it's a crappy name but at least they'll keep that opinion to themselves.

jiffy-pop

I would have said, "Haven't you ever read the Bible? It's one of the oldest books in history and guess what, Silas is one of the names in that book!" Don't listen to those idiots.

On another note, are you planning on calling him Si for short? I think Si is super cute!

kle0113

I did get this when naming my daughter and all I said to them was...that's great you don't have to like her name, we do and we happen to love her name, but thank you anyway. 

People are going to make comments no matter what.  You just have to deal with it. 

Honestly you and your husband are really the only two people that have to like/love the name. 

TanyaKM

This is exactly why we're keeping it secret until the birth. Frankly, I know it sounds horrible, but I don't really care what extended family thinks about it! 

alliejo725

My advice: know your limits.

Frankly, I agree that it's tacky for family members to make fun of your name choice to your face, but people rarely act out of character. If I knew we had a name that my family would sneer at, I wouldn't share it with them.

The other side of the question is, is there a chance they're joking/messing with you? They probably know you're a name nerd, and might just be trying to rile you up (which is immature and stupid, but still something families do).

Depending on your family, the best thing you can do is either ask them politely to stop, or don't act like it bothers you (that depends entirely on your family dynamic).

joanithegreat

Notwifezilla7:

I would send your aunt a copy of Silas Marner.

I was just about to suggest this.

spedi

Silas Marner! I was thinking that too. I've actually thought about it for this child. DH would poop though.

AsOctoberFalls

jiffy-pop:

I would have said, "Haven't you ever read the Bible? It's one of the oldest books in history and guess what, Silas is one of the names in that book!"

or the Silas Marner suggestion.  (Great book btw!)  I LOVE the name Silas... I just don't like how popular it is getting.  And, this is why we're not sharing until our son is born. 

forensicmama

Wow. What idiots! That's probably what my come-back would be lol. You could also send them a link of the name online via behindthename.com! BTW, I love Silas!

forensicmama

Notwifezilla7:

I would send your aunt a copy of Silas Marner.

 

onelittlemonkey

Well, this advice is too late, but my rule is not to share until the baby is born- having the baby actually there and already named has a way of deterring people from saying such things...

onelittlemonkey

EastCoastBride:

PhilsWife07:

I'd work on building a thicker skin as theirs won't be the first weird looks you're likely to get when you tell people his name.

This.  We went w/ the name Declan.  Definitely not mainstream.  And we KNEW we'd raise a few eyebrows.  Even so, we told people ahead of time.

MIL was the worst.  When we read our top 5 names w/ Declan being the front runner, seh was like "Oh, any of those except Declan".  I just said "Well, get used to the idea. It's the front runner.".

She never said anything to us about it again. HOwever, I do know she was kind of nasty about it w/ my parents while at the hospital as I gave birth....  but my mom put her in her place, kind of, over it. 

But really - you have to have a thicker skin about it.  And if you can't handle the feedback, stop telling people.  Once the baby is here adn that's their name, it tends to silence people.

 

Declan's very common around here, but I don't think "older" people have heard the name much.   

EastCoastBride

onelittlemonkey:

Declan's very common around here, but I don't think "older" people have heard the name much.   

It actually seems to be coming quite a bit more popular.  When we picked it, I had never heard of it, but I very soon found out an old coworker named her DS Declan, and then I met at least 2 other women w/ sons the same name! 

zaramarie81

I am sorry you got such a rude reaction. Even though I am a fan of keeping the name a secret, I do not believe this will totally eradicate such negative reactions. I have nieces and nephews who have received wrinkled-nosed responses even after their births! (And their names were no more "strange" than Silas.. in fact, more common!). FWIW... I am a teacher who once taught a Si... so it's not a rare name for me. It's a good, solid name, and I would just focus on being happy about having a great name for your child.

shandars

Personally, I love Silas, and I would say I do think it is pretty mainstream. I have heard it a lot recently.

babyxmas

First, my advice is to not announce the name before the baby is born.

Secondly, here are some 'come backs' a few bumpies discussed years ago

Good thing he?s not your son.

Shhh, don?t let BABYS NAME hear you say that. He may not like you.

I won?t tell BABY?S NAME you said that.

Oh, we have a rule. You can?t hold him till you learn to love his name.

Maybe we should rename him since you don?t like it. (Followed by a huge eye roll).

Well, since we are being honest, I don?t like your drapes/shirt (whatever you can think of).

Good thing your opinion is low on the totem pole.

I don?t believe I was ASKING, I was TELLING.

I?m sorry, let me turn around. That?s something you should say BEHIND my back.

ETA: spelling/pasting

trebmal

I'm sorry they're being rude. I personally like the name.

keyourtnee

I think it is an Awesome name!!! Si is a really cute nn too.

NothingLikeBarbie

Eaglefoot23:

Hello! I see that you are new to the Bump! I'm glad to see a fellow self-proclaimed name nerd hanging around. Too bad you didn't make it over to the Baby Names Board a few days ago (before your family get together). We talk about this subject frequently. I would say most of us agree on keeping the name a secret until birth.

Sometimes sharing names ahead of time leads to unfortunate instances of "name claiming". Just in case this happens to you, here unofficial BNB Cardinal Rules of Baby Naming.

1. No one owns a name; therefore, nobody can steal "your" name.

2. She who has a baby first, gets to name a baby first.

3. It's your baby, therefore you get to pick the name you like.

I know this doesn't apply to your situation with your aunts, but they are good to keep on hand, just in case. And I thought since you are presumably going to be joining in our discussions (frequently, I hope), you might want to know something about the board. For more tips on how to succeed here, read the Unofficial Guide to the Baby Names Board using this link:

https://tb-babynames.blogspot.com/p/helpful-hints.html

Good luck with your aunts, and have a great day!

Thanks for the welcome! That little list is cute Everyone should go by those rules.

I really wish we would of kept his name a secret now. I will definitely be taking everyone's advice and not telling people the name until s/he is born with my next child!

NothingLikeBarbie

EastCoastBride:

PhilsWife07:

I'd work on building a thicker skin as theirs won't be the first weird looks you're likely to get when you tell people his name.

This.  We went w/ the name Declan.  Definitely not mainstream.  And we KNEW we'd raise a few eyebrows.  Even so, we told people ahead of time.

MIL was the worst.  When we read our top 5 names w/ Declan being the front runner, seh was like "Oh, any of those except Declan".  I just said "Well, get used to the idea. It's the front runner.".

She never said anything to us about it again. HOwever, I do know she was kind of nasty about it w/ my parents while at the hospital as I gave birth....  but my mom put her in her place, kind of, over it. 

But really - you have to have a thicker skin about it.  And if you can't handle the feedback, stop telling people.  Once the baby is here adn that's their name, it tends to silence people.

 

 Oh we knew from the moment we picked Silas, that people would have weird reactions to it since it is not a commonly heard name at all. I was just shocked that family would be so bluntly rude about a name, and I just have no idea on how to react to them about it. I guess I just really need to stop caring what they think.

Btw, LOVE Declan. Wish I could have used it!

NothingLikeBarbie

babyxmas:

First, my advice is to not announce the name before the baby is born.

Secondly, here are some 'come backs' a few bumpies discussed years ago

Good thing he?s not your son.

Shhh, don?t let BABYS NAME hear you say that. He may not like you.

I won?t tell BABY?S NAME you said that.

Oh, we have a rule. You can?t hold him till you learn to love his name.

Maybe we should rename him since you don?t like it. (Followed by a huge eye roll).

Well, since we are being honest, I don?t like your drapes/shirt (whatever you can think of).

Good thing your opinion is low on the totem pole.

I don?t believe I was ASKING, I was TELLING.

I?m sorry, let me turn around. That?s something you should say BEHIND my back.

ETA: spelling/pasting

LOL I love these!

ohfour

They are weird, Silas is a Biblical name, it's been around for a lonnnnnnnng time. Geez.

Kml9876

We kept our name choices a secret with our first child and plan to do the same with this one for that exact reason.