Just told my mom the (girl) name and....

daniella2727

My mom has been relentless with asking us if we have a name.  Early on before knowing boy or girl, I told her if boy we were going to name him Bennett.  She said really mean things about the name and since then I have avoided sharing any name ideas with her and have deflected the conversation.

Well I am in NY, where she lives, for a baby shower this weekend. She has been asking us relentlessly so we decided to tell her the name we are pretty sure we will use - Penelope Rae.

She looked at me and said "you have to be kidding me right?".  Then she said, "so she will be named after our dog?" (bc we had a dog named Penny growing up).  I said, "No, and her nick name will NOT be Penny".  She responded, "I am the Grandmother I can call her what I want!".  I told her "No you can't and you are incredibly rude".

It is so sad that she couldn't even show some FAKE class when I shared with her the name we will probably use. It is also so hurtful.

Just wanted to share as I am stuck here in NY and any excitement about my shower is gone bc I can't move past her rude and mean, mean response.

asibilrud

What is the name?

joanithegreat

asibilrud:

What is the name?

Penelope Rae. She says it in her second paragraph I think.

Ceridwen21

You didn't learn your lesson after you shared your boy name with her? 

Nanna

I'm sorry your mom was so hurtful, but really, did you expect any less from her after how she bashed your boy name?  FWIW, I think Penelope Rae is beyond darling - Penelope is actually on our own short list of name contenders (with nn possibilities of either Penn or Poppy) and Rae is my own mn and I think it goes great with Penelope.  Try to just let this go and if your mom brings up the topic any more, just be firm and tell her "The name we choose for our baby is no longer up for discussion."

CocoBrynne

I know just how you feel my FIL insists he will call our baby Kiwi regardless of how mad it makes me.  He started it bc for a brief moment we considered naming a daughter Keely.  Even tho we are far past considering that as a name he still says he is calling her Kiwi GRR.

tomatoseed

Penelope Rae is darling. Don't listen to her.

Annie984

I'm sorry your mom was so rude. You should completely ignore her because that name is freaking adorable. I love Rae as a middle name.

HannahO28

I'm sorry she was so rude. Don't let her get you down. Penelope Rae is absolutely adorable. In the future, do NOT share any more names with her. Don't worry about her begging, just tell her that she reacted so poorly with your first child's name that you are absolutely not sharing any other name with her. 

shellybird101

After we had our DD, we took her to see my crabby 80+ yr old grandma and she said so her name is Molly Jean, Molly Jean what....Grandma her FN is Molly and MN Jean.Really your going to call her that, you got to be kidding me, I don't like that name by its self at all. Well grandma that what her name is.  Taking in consideration that I was still hormonal and overly sleepy, I was ready to cry and shoot her all at once. 

So I wouldn't worry about it, enjoy your shower and tell your mother well we were thinking about Rainbow Sunshine for a name instead, so which one would you rather have Rainbow or Penelope.  HEHE 

ames71

Ugh. First of all, Penelope Rae is a great name (as is Bennett). Your mother needs a filter, some class, and maybe a drink. Sorry she's acting like a child.

Try to enjoy your shower... you're celebrating the arrival of your LO (which has zippo to do with your mother), and you should enjoy every minute of it.

BrideBuddies

Announce at the shower that, if it's a girl, she'll be named Appolonia Jezebel.   And try to keep a straight face.

And every time she bugs you about a name, make up something completely ridiculous.

 

Pookie's_Girl

I know exactly how you feel. Before we found out we were having a boy, I had decided on the name Olive if LO was a girl. My mom was never a fan of that name, which didn't really bother me because she never really voiced it much, until she announced that she was going to refer to her granddaughter as "Ollie." I kept trying to talk her down from it, but she insisted saying that "she was the grandmother, and she could call her grandchild whatever she wanted." Now that we have decided on the name Dexter for the LO, (which she said she liked) she's saying that she's going to call him "Dexturd." I knew she was joking, so I let it slide, but she posted it on Facebook where the rest of her family seen it. Now, they all picked it up and it looks like my son may be known as "Dexturd" over there until I decide to flip out on them for it. I just told her if I hear one person call him that, he will spend the rest of his life referring to her as "Grandma Hag."

TheWop

BrideBuddies:

Announce at the shower that, if it's a girl, she'll be named Appolonia Jezebel.   And try to keep a straight face.

And every time she bugs you about a name, make up something completely ridiculous.

I would probably do something like this.

Also if you're mother is brutally honest with you, you should be brutally honest with her.  Tell her to quit being a b*tch about the name and get over it (well maybe not exactly like that). 

echan07

This reminded me of how my grandmother acted when my cousin was born.  My aunt and uncle named him Andrew James with the intention of calling him A.J.  My grandmother was appalled and said she would NEVER call him by two letters.  Well, he was born, melted her heart, and she has never once called him Andrew - only A.J.

Things may change once your little one is here...

zaramarie81

shellybird101:

After we had our DD, we took her to see my crabby 80+ yr old grandma and she said so her name is Molly Jean, Molly Jean what....Grandma her FN is Molly and MN Jean.Really your going to call her that, you got to be kidding me, I don't like that name by its self at all. Well grandma that what her name is.  Taking in consideration that I was still hormonal and overly sleepy, I was ready to cry and shoot her all at once. 

So I wouldn't worry about it, enjoy your shower and tell your mother well we were thinking about Rainbow Sunshine for a name instead, so which one would you rather have Rainbow or Penelope.  HEHE 

 

This made me lol. Honestly, family can get crazy when it comes to stuff like this. I don't know why. But rest assured, Penelope Rae is a lovely name. And don't share with her again.

Jermysgirl

My mother is kind of the same way.  Originally, my daughter's middle name was supposed to be my mother's first name (which is a man's name).  Until she threw a fit about how much she hated her name and how cruel it would be to give my daughter that name as a middle name.

So I asked my MIL if she would mind if we gave DD her name as a middle name and I Xed my mother out of the equation.  When you're a d!ck about things, you get left out.  And when my mother has asked if we would name a boy after her, I tell her no and why not. 

When your mother says she's going to call your daughter whatever she wants, you say "Oh, we're going to make up names for each other!  How fun!  Yours is now Bitchface!" and walk away.

quezzo

I've already told people if they don't call the baby by the name we pick they can kiss the baby goodbye until they are ready to act like adults and respect our wishes. 

I'm also planning on telling them we are naming the baby Shaniqueka Taylor and Lebron Don Wan - spelled exactly like this.  

Pookie's_Girl

feffy11:

Pookie's_Girl:

I know exactly how you feel. Before we found out we were having a boy, I had decided on the name Olive if LO was a girl. My mom was never a fan of that name, which didn't really bother me because she never really voiced it much, until she announced that she was going to refer to her granddaughter as "Ollie." I kept trying to talk her down from it, but she insisted saying that "she was the grandmother, and she could call her grandchild whatever she wanted." Now that we have decided on the name Dexter for the LO, (which she said she liked) she's saying that she's going to call him "Dexturd." I knew she was joking, so I let it slide, but she posted it on Facebook where the rest of her family seen it. Now, they all picked it up and it looks like my son may be known as "Dexturd" over there until I decide to flip out on them for it. I just told her if I hear one person call him that, he will spend the rest of his life referring to her as "Grandma Hag."

Wow, that is SO childish! I LOVE the idea of "Grandma Hag." I might use that when these situations come up where the grandparent thinks they can call the child whatever they want. Thanks! And sorry your mom is acting like a 3rd grader!

Honestly, I'm used to it at this point. My mom has been like this my whole life so something tells me she isn't going to change anytime soon. Also, Hyperbole and a Half rocks!!

Tigger9662

It sounds like your mom has no filter. (Just like mine). You can't let it get to you. Obviously she is opinionated and doesn't care about your feelings. In that case I would just tell her that the name is going to be a surprise, and that you aren't telling anyone. And I am sure that the day your little girl is born she will be so happy and overjoyed that she won't care what you name her. She'll just be happy to be a grandma. At least that is what my friend experienced. Her mom was the same way. Every name she chose, her mom shot it down. Her mom would say that it was the name of someone she once knew growing up and disliked, or it was the name of an annoying co-worker, blah blah blah.....she used the "surprise name" and it worked...good luck

carmel.elkin

First off, I want to thank you for posting this because (selfishly) it makes me feel like there are women out there dealing with insensitive, overbearing mothers just like I am!

Secondly, I want to tell you that Penelope Rae is wonderful name.  It's sophisticated and pretty, and personally, I think the nicknames Penn, Penny, Elle and Poppy are all game, and are all super cute.

Third of all, keep your head up.  I'm in a similar situation and have been trying to remind myself that I disapprove of TONS of things my mom says or does all the time - so why should I be so worried about her approval on something as personal naming MY child!  (But - it's difficult to practice what I preach!)

Good luck!

JuneMagnolia

When we told dh's grandmother what our first daughter's name was going to be, she promptly announced she was going to call her by her middle name. I smiled sweetly and said "You can call her whatever you like. Doesn't mean she'll answer to it."

daniella2727

Thank you all for the responses - it makes me feel better that others are dealing with rude, insensitive mother's. And your responses were quite funny and put the first smile on my face today so Thank You!

ohfour

Sorry about the issues with your mother. I have a Penelope Jane and I love her name. We call her Penelope most of the time, sometimes Penny, Penn or P. It really fits her and I'm sure once your mom sees your beautiful baby girl she won't care what her name is 

Fergie+1

The name is very pretty... ignore her. As for the awful comments she made, just be b!tchy back. We made a point of not telling anyone the name we chose until 1- it was set in stone and 2- we were about 2 weeks from due. We came at it with "This is the name." MIL tried e-mailing me and asked if his nn would be Lucy (Name is Lucian; pronounced lou-shan, not Loosee-n) and I replied with "No, he won't have any nicknames- maybe one or two for in the house, but none related to his name. " She got the point.

ArcadianDreams

I think Penelope Rae is very classy. However, I also think your mom DOES have a valid point - if you don't want anyone ever calling her Penny you are going to have a tough fight. It's like saying a Robert will never be called Rob or Bob or that an Elizabeth will never be a Lizzie or Beth. Your kids will evolve their own nicknames and you can't always force it.

sweetface83

BrideBuddies:

Announce at the shower that, if it's a girl, she'll be named Appolonia Jezebel.   And try to keep a straight face.

And every time she bugs you about a name, make up something completely ridiculous.

 

We did this with my grandmom.  I heard through the grapevine that she hated our girl name choice (Maya).  She said it was "too black".  ?????  So then when she finally asked me directly I told her the most ridiculous names I could think of.  She went nuts and then I calmly told her "You've had 4 children.  You got to name them what you wanted.  It's my turn now and MH and I will name our children as we please.  I'm sorry you don't like it but frankly your thoughts on the matter don't count."  Then, she had nothing else to say. 

kacelle

Nanna:

I'm sorry your mom was so hurtful, but really, did you expect any less from her after how she bashed your boy name?  FWIW, I think Penelope Rae is beyond darling - Penelope is actually on our own short list of name contenders (with nn possibilities of either Penn or Poppy) and Rae is my own mn and I think it goes great with Penelope.  Try to just let this go and if your mom brings up the topic any more, just be firm and tell her "The name we choose for our baby is no longer up for discussion."

LOVE the nickname Poppy for Penelope.  I also have a soft spot for Nelly, but it seems a little frumpier IMO.  I was trying to convince DH to consider Poppy for a future daughter, but I think it'd be a bit much to have a Violet and a Poppy.    

LuJackCity

Fwiw Penelope was 1 of the 2 names we had picked out if DS had been a girl. It a great name and you mom will get over it.