Why does it even bother me?

AmandaJordan1985

....that X has stopped asking about DS as much as he used to? I knew it would happen that he would slowly become less involved but I guess I wasn't as prepared as I thought. It reminds me of the same thing he did to me - pretended to be interested and care at the beginning then when the novelty of having someone around wore off, it was like I didn't even exist. I always make the effort to call whenever DS does something new like trying rice cereal, his first giggle, I send pictures every 2 weeks to his parents (he doesn't have email) and yet not ONE thank you or excitement about his latest accomplishment. When I called him on Monday to tell him about his first spoon feeding I was so excited and all he said was "cool" then started talking to his cousin who was at his house and had to "let me go because he was busy". He's always been too busy to care. My heart breaks for DS thinking about how he won't know what a dad is.

I'm trying to be strong but I just want to cry. Please tell me that it gets easier with time...

DarthNBJenni

My ex never asks about the girls. He picks them off, and drops them off - and that's the extent of his parenting.

AmandaJordan1985

I should add that DS and I live about 4 hours from X so it's not that he gets to see him that often (not that he did when we were in the same city living 5 mins from each other).

kmartinez80

You need to adjust your expectations of your Ex.  He's shown you time and time again that he is not going to be an active parent, yet you are still hoping that the next time you call him to tell him about LO's latest accomplishment that he's going to be excited and interested.  I understand the desire to have your Ex active in LOs life, but until you adjust your expectations and accept the reality of the situation you're going to continue to be severly disappointed.  What does you CO state about alerting your Ex to LOs accomplishments?  If you aren't required to call him and tell him about LO eating cereal or babbling or whatever it is then you need to stop calling him...it's only hurting you (LO is too young to know what's going on and your Ex doesn't care).  Instead call your mom, dad, brother, sister, best friend, etc. who is going to be happy and share in your excitement about LO.  Good luck!

Mrs.Keith2B

It'll get easier and believe it or not, you'll reach a point where you won't even want to share your LO's "milestones" with your X. It'll be because you finally realize he doesn't want to be involved and you have accepted that.

My STBXH is actually pretty good about our DS. When we occasionally speak during the week, he'll ask about DS, or he'll thank me for sending him a video of DS doing something cute. He's a good dad when he's involved and I consider myself grateful that DS will have his father active in his life.

Like pp said, you need to work on adjusting your expectations of your X. Then, with time, these moments will get easier. Do you have family around that you could share times like this with? I know my mom loves hearing my DS stories and it's nice having someone to share them with.

katieisawesome

I know it's sad, but I would stop bothering to call if I were you.  If he wants to know, he will make an effort.  It sounds like he doesn't want to make that effort.

Love your child as much as you can and be a wonderful, supportive mother and your baby will be just fine.  I'd rather have a loving mom than a disinterested dad any day.

 

dimake

katieisawesome:

I know it's sad, but I would stop bothering to call if I were you.  If he wants to know, he will make an effort.  It sounds like he doesn't want to make that effort.

Love your child as much as you can and be a wonderful, supportive mother and your baby will be just fine.  I'd rather have a loving mom than a disinterested dad any day.

 

This!

AmandaJordan1985

Thanks ladies - I guess I needed to be brought back to reality. I am very lucky to have a lot of family around who are supportive and I don't know why I let him get to me...

achase123

Super Douche called yesterday because uhhhh, he heard that there was supposed to be a tsunami or some shiit (we live in a coastal town).  No word about "how's my son" or anything of the sort.  I was not surprised.

AmandaJordan1985

achase123:

Super Douche called yesterday because uhhhh, he heard that there was supposed to be a tsunami or some shiit (we live in a coastal town).  No word about "how's my son" or anything of the sort.  I was not surprised.

That's super odd he would call just to talk about the tsunami and not ask about P...but, like you said, no surprise.

 

PoundCake

My H rarely calls at all.  It used to bother me a lot.  But now I feel better off.  It's better than coming in and out.