MIL likes to pretend she's AP — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

MIL likes to pretend she's AP

She always talks about how much she loved breastfeeding and snuggling her children all day long.

However, at 4 months old, because DH didn't sleep through the night the pedi told her to shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep to teach him.  Which then leads to her reminding me every time she she's us that we need to do that with DS.

The pedi told her that she had to wean DH off the paci at 18 months, so on the way home she yanked it out of his mouth and tossed it out the car window and said "UH OH no more paci!"

She also beat DH with a wooden spoon, often, from the time he was 3 if he misbehaved, because thats the only discipline method that works.

Thank goodness we only see them every few months, I'm scared at what other stories she's going to reveal.

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Re: MIL likes to pretend she's AP

  • Well, I'm going to be a devil's advocate here.

    My mom let me CIO, because the doctor told her to.  It took weeks to work.  She stopped breastfeeding me because the doctor told her to.  She and my father both spanked us, and yep, they used a wooden spoon.

    She has since done a lot of research and a lot of thinking, and frankly a lot of changing, and is probably the most AP grandmother that ever walked the earth.  She wears DS constantly, and he sleeps with Grammy and Papa when he visits.  She understands my passion for breastfeeding and has read book after book about positive, peaceful discipline.  She talks all the time about how she wished she'd gone with her gut instincts when we were little, and about the power of the internet to give parents the support they need to make decisions.

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  • imageerinkate23:

    Well, I'm going to be a devil's advocate here.

    My mom let me CIO, because the doctor told her to.  It took weeks to work.  She stopped breastfeeding me because the doctor told her to.  She and my father both spanked us, and yep, they used a wooden spoon.

    She has since done a lot of research and a lot of thinking, and frankly a lot of changing, and is probably the most AP grandmother that ever walked the earth.  She wears DS constantly, and he sleeps with Grammy and Papa when he visits.  She understands my passion for breastfeeding and has read book after book about positive, peaceful discipline.  She talks all the time about how she wished she'd gone with her gut instincts when we were little, and about the power of the internet to give parents the support they need to make decisions.

    This is so awesome!  My mother is about as far from AP as is possible, and I don't expect that to change considering that she's the type of person to roll her eyes at research findings.  But I can see my MIL becoming more AP with exposure to it.  She's very traditional, but not in the stern and distant sense.  I'm hoping that my baby-wearing, BFing, CDing ways make an impact.  ;)

    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
    BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
    BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
    BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
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  • imageToastieSimons:

    She always talks about how much she loved breastfeeding and snuggling her children all day long.

    However, at 4 months old, because DH didn't sleep through the night the pedi told her to shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep to teach him.  Which then leads to her reminding me every time she she's us that we need to do that with DS.

    The pedi told her that she had to wean DH off the paci at 18 months, so on the way home she yanked it out of his mouth and tossed it out the car window and said "UH OH no more paci!"

    She also beat DH with a wooden spoon, often, from the time he was 3 if he misbehaved, because thats the only discipline method that works.

    Thank goodness we only see them every few months, I'm scared at what other stories she's going to reveal.

    I think she's just trying to be helpful.  People then, and even now still don't understand AP.  CIO used to be a popular method that worked.  Give her a little bit of a break.  She was doing what the expert told her to do.  I'm assuming your hubby turned out ok?  Your Lo will be fine. :o)

    FYI - I was spanked (not beat) with paddles, belts, sticks, spoons, hands and Lord knows what else.   I turned out fine. I don't think my parents were horrible people or abused me at all.    Keep an open mind about her parenting style.  It was just how they did things back then. 

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  • She threw the paci out the window?  That's just not cool.
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  • imagekacelle:
    imageerinkate23:

    Well, I'm going to be a devil's advocate here.

    My mom let me CIO, because the doctor told her to.  It took weeks to work.  She stopped breastfeeding me because the doctor told her to.  She and my father both spanked us, and yep, they used a wooden spoon.

    She has since done a lot of research and a lot of thinking, and frankly a lot of changing, and is probably the most AP grandmother that ever walked the earth.  She wears DS constantly, and he sleeps with Grammy and Papa when he visits.  She understands my passion for breastfeeding and has read book after book about positive, peaceful discipline.  She talks all the time about how she wished she'd gone with her gut instincts when we were little, and about the power of the internet to give parents the support they need to make decisions.

    This is so awesome!  My mother is about as far from AP as is possible, and I don't expect that to change considering that she's the type of person to roll her eyes at research findings.  But I can see my MIL becoming more AP with exposure to it.  She's very traditional, but not in the stern and distant sense.  I'm hoping that my baby-wearing, BFing, CDing ways make an impact.  ;)

    Yesss. Why do they roll their eyes at research?! My dad does this all the time and it drives me nuts. Like he knows better than pediatricians, psychologists and research scientists. Ugh.
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  • imageBFab11:
    She threw the paci out the window?  That's just not cool.

    Littering laws obviously were not a concern.

    Proud daddy since July 2010
    www.hangingwithdad.com
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  • I actually think she probably was a form of AP.  When it comes to our parents, I always try to remember that they did not have the internet or access to much research.  They lived kind of isolated parenting lives.  In our society, we don't have many generations under one roof to pass down parenting techniques so doctors were the major experts.  Your MIL probably felt that by doing what the doctor said was best, she was doing the best thing for her child.  In a lot of ways, I think that is a sign of love.  Going against your instincts is very difficult but when the one person who is your biggest expert tells you your baby needs something done (like no more paci), it takes a strong, loving person to do it.  Our parents and those before them were not raised to be free thinkers until a little later, they were raised to obey.

    In our day and age, it is all totally different.  We have so much information and support right at our fingertips that we have the ability to research things and decide what is best for our babies.  I would give your MIL her carrot to believe she was AP, I am sure she loved her babies to pieces and tried to do what she thought was the best thing for them.

    That being said, I would be sure she knows your rules before leaving your LO with her!

  • My MIL told me today that by responding to my sons cries damages him and i should allow him to scream *specially at night* so he can exercise his lungs.

    Surprise

  • imageStrawberryAlarmClock:
    imagekacelle:
    imageerinkate23:

    Well, I'm going to be a devil's advocate here.

    My mom let me CIO, because the doctor told her to.  It took weeks to work.  She stopped breastfeeding me because the doctor told her to.  She and my father both spanked us, and yep, they used a wooden spoon.

    She has since done a lot of research and a lot of thinking, and frankly a lot of changing, and is probably the most AP grandmother that ever walked the earth.  She wears DS constantly, and he sleeps with Grammy and Papa when he visits.  She understands my passion for breastfeeding and has read book after book about positive, peaceful discipline.  She talks all the time about how she wished she'd gone with her gut instincts when we were little, and about the power of the internet to give parents the support they need to make decisions.

    This is so awesome!  My mother is about as far from AP as is possible, and I don't expect that to change considering that she's the type of person to roll her eyes at research findings.  But I can see my MIL becoming more AP with exposure to it.  She's very traditional, but not in the stern and distant sense.  I'm hoping that my baby-wearing, BFing, CDing ways make an impact.  ;)

    Yesss. Why do they roll their eyes at research?! My dad does this all the time and it drives me nuts. Like he knows better than pediatricians, psychologists and research scientists. Ugh.

    It really bothers me.  I'm in the third year of my degree in Child Development, and my professors are intelligent, Ph.D.-holding researchers in the field.  My mom seems to think that research findings are made up by people too weak to parent with authority.  If I told her we weren't planning to spank based on well-supported research, she'd be horrified; I hear the "He who spares the rod hates his son" verse from her a lot.

    It isn't that I believe that every parent should adopt whatever the results of recent research suggest they should.  Families are different, and experts recognize this.  But just because a method sounds weak or novel to Generation X (my parents' generation) or prior generations doesn't make it a bad method.

    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
    BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
    BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
    BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
  • I think it was way more common for our mothers to listen to everything pedis said than it is for us. I go to the pedi for medical advice, not parenting. We never talk about CIO, weaning, purees vs. BLW, rear vs. forward facing in the car, etc. She'll ask us what we're doing re: most of those things, but leaves it at that as long as we're not doing anything harmful.

    I would have to switch doctors if we were getting advice that didn't jive with our parenting style.

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