How did you get past the fear?

pinkmoonlight

With TTC number 2 just months away, I am finding myself fearful of having to go through it all again, labor that is. I mean I am so scared that sometimes I find myself thinking maybe we should just not have anymore kids, even though deep down in my heart I know I want more.

I have posted on here before the reason for my c-section being arrest of descend at station 0 to +1 with non reassuring fetal heart tones. I was unable to push my baby out, now I am not a medical professional but after reading up on it, I think maybe it was because I was instructed to bear down and push at 10 cm, I had pressure but my body was not pushing at that point, it wasn't until I was in the OR and my daughters heart rate recovered that I had the involuntary pushing.

I am fearful of the pain. I am afraid that if I attempt a VBAC that it will end in an emergency c again which would result in having to be put out. Which would result in the gasping for air for four hours straight thinking I am going to die without my family in a cold brightly light recovery room. I am afraid that I wont know what I had until 4 hours after I had my baby and everyone else has held him or her. 

In fact I don't know that I will get over it until I've given birth again. I have tried reading positive birth stories, reading up on things I can do to help make things better next time around. Like laboring at home for a while, having a VBAC friendly doctor (I am making a consult appointment with 2 different doctors in May to see who I like) , Chiro care during pregnancy etc.

Those of you that had horrible experiences how did you get past it?

MyLittleSweetPea

I didn't have anything near as traumatic as that, and haven't had #2 yet, but already have had some of the fears you mentioned.  My LO was breech and I wasn't able to get into the optimum position for my spinal so my anesthesiologist hit a nerve, I jumped, he nicked himself, started shouting at me and the nurses, and then had to do it all over again.  I had nightmares every night for months (and still do occasionally).  If you are certain you want more kiddos, I would suggest looking into counseling and maybe even hiring a doula or birth assistant who will be able to support you through whatever birth experience you wind up having.  Good luck!

Brownie_222

It takes time. Sounds like you had a traumatic experience. Sorry you had to go through that. I went to counseling for a while and it did help quite a bit. Knowing I wasn't alone was also huge for me. Stick around, a lot of us are healing from less than optimal births. Be kind to yourself.

Brownie_222

P.S. your daughter is adorable.

margeincharge2

I also had an emergency c/s under general anesthesia. I had HELLP and had a traumatic birth experience. I have been talking to a therapist to work out my feelings. It's helped a lot. I highly recommend seeing a professional.

lorryfach

For me, the c/s itself was fine and the recovery was ok. The labor was the worst experience of my life, by far. The thought of doing it again petrified me.

Going over the specifics of my labor experience, and realizing how much of it was extremely unlikely to happen again, and realizing how much of it could have a different outcome based on my decisions, was the only way I could handle it. I talked to a midwife and an OB at my hospital and we came up with a plan. Essentially, if we had any reason to think it would be a repeat of last time, we'd just stop early in labor and do an RCS.

Perhaps going over your records with your new doctor would help, as he can assess your individual situation and you don't have to make guesses. I never had involuntary pushing with my VBAC baby, but I did with my c/s baby (even though she could not come out and I knew that at the time) so I'm not sure of that being a reason for arrest of descent. Hopefully a doctor can give you some more insight.

That said, yes, I was still scared right up until I gave birth. But I did feel more and more confident about my decision the more I learned, and I knew if I did not try, I'd always think "what if??"

Good luck! 

pinkmoonlight

Thank you so much. I am glad I am not the only one. I am hoping that by finding a new OB and making an appointment for May that by going in and discussing before I become pregnant will help me get past the fear.

giselleacttwo

Time, therapy, and (for a while) drugs.

 It took over five and a half years for the desire to have another one to weigh heavier on my mind than the fear of doing it all over again.

 That said, this time around I've been doing hypnotherapy exercises and have found they have been very helpful in helping me deal with my anxiety issues. I highly recommend it.