Wanting a VBAC, but not wanting to hope for it.

Leeghsy

So this is probably normal, but I know that for my next baby I will want to have a VBAC but I'm afraid that if I hope for it, and work for it, and it doesn't happen... I will feel even WORSE and more disappointed than after my first unexpected c-section. Does that make sense?  Any advice?

rdhmama79

I have no advice to offer, but I feel the same way.

MAprincess

I felt the same way- totally normal.  In fact, I can't even count the number of times my midwife had to talk me down and reassure me at appointments along the way.  Even the moment when she said the baby was "right there" and it was time to push her out, I looked at her in total shock and said, "Wait, are you serious?"  because I had my guard up so high just in case.  My best advice is to think positive thoughts and hope for the best.  The odds are with you.  I felt that as long as I knew that we had tried everything for a safe VBAC, even if it ended in a CS, I'd be at peace with that.  But I was lucky enough to experience the VBAC:-)

Brownie_222

MAprincess:

I felt that as long as I knew that we had tried everything for a safe VBAC, even if it ended in a CS, I'd be at peace with that.

This exactly for me, except replace felt with feel, since I haven't tried yet.

sweetgirl82

This is how I feel too.  Although, it would be nice to come back to the VBAC board with a sucess story :-)

rowanthefrog

I feel the same way.  That said, if my C-section taught me anything, its that births are going to go their own way.  I've done everything I can to set up the best possible situation for a successful VBAC.  Now we have to see what my body will do.

I pretty much keep telling myself that I want a VBAC but my heart isn't set on it, I just want the opportunity to see what my body will do this time, if it will cooperate, and if not and I have another C-section its not the end of the world.  After all, my last C-section brought my amazing son into this world safely and in the end, that is what matters.

A 

lorryfach

I didn't really want a VBAC; I wanted what's best for us. In most cases, that's a VBAC. It may seem like splitting hairs, but hanging all your hopes on specific details is what makes it hard to accept if it doesn't happen.

Leeghsy

lorryfach:

I didn't really want a VBAC; I wanted what's best for us. In most cases, that's a VBAC. It may seem like splitting hairs, but hanging all your hopes on specific details is what makes it hard to accept if it doesn't happen.

I definitely agree... I guess what makes me sad about my c/s is that I KNOW that my body would have done it but I was so tired and unsupported that I kind of got bullied/scared into it and I'm SO mad that I caved.  I just wish they'd have let me try, and now I'm afraid that I'm ruined and won't be able to every have a normal birth.  Silly I know, but I guess it takes a little getting over.

iris427

I will be trying for a VBAC in around two months and I have the same fears.  Unfortunately the risk you take when you decide to VBAC is that you might end up with another c/s.  For some people, that's too much for them emotionally and they feel better scheduling a repeat c/s right off the bat, which I can completely understand.  But personally, I just need to know that I tried to have a VBAC, even if it doesn't work out.

I worry I will be devastated if I have another c/s but I don't know if I will be.  I was really unprepared emotionally for my first c/s.  I had a healthy pregnancy--baby was head down, no high blood pressure or GD, etc.  My doctor was well known for doing natural births.  I dilated all the way and my nurse told me I was making good progress pushing, so at that point the thought of having a c/s was completely off my radar.  So when my OB came in and told me I needed a c/s after all that labor and pushing and 9 months of everything looking perfect, it was shocking.  This time, I don't think I'll be shocked.  There's a big part of me that is expecting another c/s since it's the only way I've experienced birth, and so maybe I'll handle it better because of that?  

I'm planning to write up a c/s birth plan.  I know birth plans aren't a guarantee and we may not be able to do everything in the plan.  But I'm hoping that way I will feel more prepared and more like I have a voice if I do end up with another c/s.  And I think knowing I've done everything I could to have a vaginal birth will help.

disbride061103

Six months ago I had all the same feelings that you ladies had. I spent far too much time wondering. What if my VBAC isn't successful, what if I have another c/s and don't bond with my baby (even though I had no bonding issues after my 1st c/s), what if an unsuccessful VBAC leads to PPD? I prepared like all you ladies are doing and although I didn't have an actual c/s birth plan, I knew exactly what I wanted/didn't want if I needed another c/s. After 20 hours of labor, a cord wrapped tightly around the baby's neck and 8 hours of being stuck at 7cm, and decels off and on for several hours my OB and I decided that a c/s was necessary. The second the decision was made, I was able to spout off exactly what I did and didn't want. Every single wish was followed. Was I disappointed, sure, but at the same time, I knew that everything was done by not only me, but also the medical staff to avoid a c/s. I definitely still feel some sadness that I will likely never experience vaginal delivery but I dont feel that sense of loss that I felt after my 1st c/s.

mrsbookworm

I can totally relate.  I don't want to get myself all psyched up, TOLAC, and end up having a c-section, only to feel devastated.  But on the other hand... I've already told myself that, so long as I have a healthy baby, no matter how it gets here, I will be celebrating!  Having a 2nd c-section will NOT be the end of the world for me, particularly given the other things that could go wrong in life.  Good luck to you!  Wishing all the VBAC-aspiring ladies the birth of your dreams!