suggestions for how to do a cash registry

globalwife

All my family and most of my friends live in the states. My husband is Colombian and I teach down here so that is why we live here but he even has lots of family and friends in the states, too. We both have US bank accounts and US credit cards. Here in Colombia the stores don't make registries, so there is no way for me to register here. I guess people just buy what they think the people need. I know my family and friends in the US do want to help us out though. Shipping cost from the US to here is very expensive so I was thinking the best solution is to request cash. I know under normal circumstances I would never ask for cash but this is different. So I need recommendations on how to do it. Anyone know of a good, safe site with low fees to handle this? Or should I just set up paypal and have deposits made there or directly into our bank accounts? I have seen some sample sites that let you list what you plan to buy and how much items cost so the people can feel like they are paying for that particular expense. I really like that feature. Any recommendations would be appreciated. 

Amanda&EricB

It is never ok to request cash. The only thing I can suggest is to tell your parents/close friends what your preference is, and hope they spread the word, if people ask. Otherwise, it's really really really not cool to ask people for cash. Even when you know they want to give you a gift, you cannot ask for money. I know, kind of a bummer but it would be really rude of you to do so.

globalwife

Amanda&EricB:

It is never ok to request cash. The only thing I can suggest is to tell your parents/close friends what your preference is, and hope they spread the word, if people ask. Otherwise, it's really really really not cool to ask people for cash. Even when you know they want to give you a gift, you cannot ask for money. I know, kind of a bummer but it would be really rude of you to do so.

What do you recommend then?  Tell people just not to worry about giving us anything? 

Amanda&EricB

If they ask you directly, you might address your concerns about shipping. But ultimately the decision is up to them. Even if you tell them you want no gifts, people will still send gifts. I'm still a little sleepy so forgive me if you addressed this in your OP, but is it impossible for them to send you checks or cash directly, if this is what they want to do? Or gift cards? Unfortunately you cannot dictate what is gifted to you, or how it's gifted to you.

StephCHK63

IMO, asking for cash is always in bad taste.  If people want to send you a gift for the baby, they can decide whether they want to pay the expensive shipping costs, or they can decide to send you cash or a gift card on their own.  Directing them to send cash is rude.  I would be really put off by that.  And I think a Paypal account makes it even worse - more like a fundraiser than a gift.  Just my opinion though.

Have you considered an online registry? 

 

globalwife

Amanda&EricB:

If they ask you directly, you might address your concerns about shipping. But ultimately the decision is up to them. Even if you tell them you want no gifts, people will still send gifts. I'm still a little sleepy so forgive me if you addressed this in your OP, but is it impossible for them to send you checks or cash directly, if this is what they want to do? Or gift cards? Unfortunately you cannot dictate what is gifted to you, or how it's gifted to you.

Yes, it impossible for them to send me cash or checks directly. I can't do anything here with a US check and sending cash internationally would be a huge mistake.  Any gifts that are sent are subject to me paying a 30% tax on the declared insurance value at time of delivery. 

Lilrdmandy

I think if you could set up a site with what you want to get, people might realize how incredibly expensive shipping is and would prefer to give you the cash.  How about pass along to your parents and other people that ask that you would prefer gift cards?  That isnt as bad as asking for cash.  I totally get where you're coming from so I don't thin its totally unreasonable.  I've seen wedding sites where you could give money to pay for parts of a honeymoon.  To me those always seemed unique and not greedy.  Maybe you could find something similar.  Good Luck!

raulsbabe18

If your parents or any close relatives plan on visiting you around the time the baby is due maybe you could register online at stores in the States and see if the gifts can be brought with?  It would probably be less expensive than shipping.  Just a thought, and I agree that it would be inappropriate to ask for cash even under the circumstances.

marriedfilingjointly

Amanda&EricB:

If they ask you directly, you might address your concerns about shipping. But ultimately the decision is up to them. Even if you tell them you want no gifts, people will still send gifts. I'm still a little sleepy so forgive me if you addressed this in your OP, but is it impossible for them to send you checks or cash directly, if this is what they want to do? Or gift cards? Unfortunately you cannot dictate what is gifted to you, or how it's gifted to you.

This.  You should just be thankful for anything you get.  If people do want to give you gifts, they will probably ask what you want and the logistics of getting their gifts to you, and at that point it's ok to address it, but otherwise, you need to just leave it alone.  

womancake

Amanda&EricB:

If they ask you directly, you might address your concerns about shipping. But ultimately the decision is up to them. Even if you tell them you want no gifts, people will still send gifts. I'm still a little sleepy so forgive me if you addressed this in your OP, but is it impossible for them to send you checks or cash directly, if this is what they want to do? Or gift cards? Unfortunately you cannot dictate what is gifted to you, or how it's gifted to you.

I know it sucks, but I think she's right.  I know it's culturally expected now to receive the exact gifts you want, but unfortunately, no one is obligated to buy us anything at all.  A gift is just that--something someone chose to give you.  I would communicate with close family that cash would be easier, and they can spread the word if others ask.  But setting up a paypal account or something like that for the sole purpose of expecting people to give you money for your baby would come across as tacky and/or rude, I'm afraid.

globalwife

StephCHK63:

Have you considered an online registry? 

 

 

Do you know of one that ships to Colombia?  Not even Amazon will, well, they will ship books here but nothing else.  

mrsmikey

I understand your predicament, and can see why cash would be easier, but I'd try to find some kind of online registry like the HM registries where people can give cash towards gfits, like you mentioned.  Otherwise it just seems tacky, even though I understand why that seems like the only option.  If you can't find a registry like that, maybe just do Amazon or something and let people decide if they want to pay the shipping or not.  They'll probably decide on their own to just give you cash and can ask you or a family member how to go about doing that.  It's a tough situation to be in.

Amanda&EricB

globalwife:

Amanda&EricB:

If they ask you directly, you might address your concerns about shipping. But ultimately the decision is up to them. Even if you tell them you want no gifts, people will still send gifts. I'm still a little sleepy so forgive me if you addressed this in your OP, but is it impossible for them to send you checks or cash directly, if this is what they want to do? Or gift cards? Unfortunately you cannot dictate what is gifted to you, or how it's gifted to you.

Yes, it impossible for them to send me cash or checks directly. I can't do anything here with a US check and sending cash internationally would be a huge mistake.  Any gifts that are sent are subject to me paying a 30% tax on the declared insurance value at time of delivery. 

Here's another thought. How long will you and DH be in Colombia? If you will be back in the states anytime, say, in the first year of the baby's life, maybe you could wait and do an after-baby shower. Like a "Meet the Baby!" party. Also, someone else asked about any family coming to visit, and bringing gifts with them. Is that a possibility?

globalwife

Okay well, I guess I left out two main details. 

#1- Companies do not ship to Colombia (Target, Babier R Us, Amazon, etc.). Or if you know of one that does, please let me know. It makes registering impossible unless it is a cash registry. 

#2- Once a gift is sent, I will have to pay 30% on the claimed insurance value of each gift to claim it from the national post office here.  

So, I guess according to what everyone says, it is best to not register at all due to my circumstances? 

megd06

globalwife:

Amanda&EricB:

It is never ok to request cash. The only thing I can suggest is to tell your parents/close friends what your preference is, and hope they spread the word, if people ask. Otherwise, it's really really really not cool to ask people for cash. Even when you know they want to give you a gift, you cannot ask for money. I know, kind of a bummer but it would be really rude of you to do so.

What do you recommend then?  Tell people just not to worry about giving us anything? 

gift cards. MUCH less tacky.

ETA: For smaller items, is there a family member who will be flying down to help you out, who could bring the smaller gifts with them? Obviously they can't fly down with a travel set, but they could bring gifts of bottles, clothes, pacis, etc.

globalwife

jmg1029:

I googled "cash baby registry" and found this site:

 https://www.gogift.com/about/

Might work for you, or at least something like it!

Exactly! This is the type of site I am thinking. I was just looking for recommendations for a particular one that maybe someone has used before.  

globalwife

Amanda&EricB:

globalwife:

Amanda&EricB:

If they ask you directly, you might address your concerns about shipping. But ultimately the decision is up to them. Even if you tell them you want no gifts, people will still send gifts. I'm still a little sleepy so forgive me if you addressed this in your OP, but is it impossible for them to send you checks or cash directly, if this is what they want to do? Or gift cards? Unfortunately you cannot dictate what is gifted to you, or how it's gifted to you.

Yes, it impossible for them to send me cash or checks directly. I can't do anything here with a US check and sending cash internationally would be a huge mistake.  Any gifts that are sent are subject to me paying a 30% tax on the declared insurance value at time of delivery. 

Here's another thought. How long will you and DH be in Colombia? If you will be back in the states anytime, say, in the first year of the baby's life, maybe you could wait and do an after-baby shower. Like a "Meet the Baby!" party. Also, someone else asked about any family coming to visit, and bringing gifts with them. Is that a possibility?

Thanks! Good idea about the after party. Actually two of DH's sisters are here now visiting and they did bring a lot but it was too early to ask them to bring much for us. I wish I could say my family is coming to visit soon but I've been here almost four years and they still haven't come.  Luggage requirements continue to get so strict with the airlines, it makes it difficult but not impossible. I do like the "Meet the baby" idea but my family and friends are so spread out and I don't have plans at the moment to be back in the states.

globalwife

I agree but gift cards won't do me much good down here. No way to spend it from here.

solsburyhill

globalwife:

Okay well, I guess I left out two main details. 

#1- Companies do not ship to Colombia (Target, Babier R Us, Amazon, etc.). Or if you know of one that does, please let me know. It makes registering impossible unless it is a cash registry. 

#2- Once a gift is sent, I will have to pay 30% on the claimed insurance value of each gift to claim it from the national post office here.  

So, I guess according to what everyone says, it is best to not register at all due to my circumstances? 

Given this and the fact that people can't mail you checks, honestly, I wouldn't register.  It sucks, but it seems like the best option.

MsCrispy

Where do people buy baby stuff down there? Can you register at one of the local stores?

If not, then I would vote for no registry and let your parents spread the news that cash is best given your situation.

backinpgh

I understand there's no good way around the shipping/international issue, but I think the solution here is to say "thanks but no thanks." I would feel awful telling my family to give me money knowing that they would be charged a service fee to do so...that's ridiculous. (GoGift charges 7.75% to the gift giver. So if someone wants to give you $100, it's going to cost them $107.75)

I think this is one of those situation where you just have to buy your own baby stuff.

justrachet

I know where you're coming from. We have friends and family here in the states that always want to send gifts, school supplies, clothes, etc, to DH's friends and family in Kenya. The shipping costs are usually more than the value of the gifts. We just tell people that, considering shipping costs, it's really better to send money. Since we don't live there (yet), they aren't sending it to us, so it's not really so tacky for us to tell them that.

I think it would go over better if you put your mom, a sister, or a close friend "in charge" of the state side of this. I like idea of a list with what you plan to buy and how much it costs. I think people like knowing what you can get with the money they are giving you. I would give this list/chart to the person in charge in the states, then if people asked me about gifts/registry/etc, tell them that person is organizing everything. Some people may want to send homemade gifts, and if they can package them together, they may save on shipping, so the organizer could help with that, too.

I don't know the best way to send/receive the money though. When we send large amounts of money to Kenya, we do a wire transfer straight from the bank here to an account there. If it's a small amount, we use Western Union. 

ajwils_04

Are there any stores around there that have online websites?  I'm not sure if you have a baby website set up yet or not, but you could create links to the things you want from the stores in Columbia OR you could just show pictures of the items on your website with their cost and then request Visa Gift cards for that specific amount.  Then when you do purchase the item you could follow up on your website and be like "Thanks Uncle Fred for the...., I know we'll get a lot of use out of it!" and then have a picture of you with the item.

I dunno, I always have a hard time figuring out what other people need in regards to baby stuff, so it's nice to have a guide.  But just asking for cash would be difficult too IMO, because if it were me, I have no idea how much things go for around there.  So if I wanted to spend $30 for example because I wanted you to be able to buy X amount diapers, but in Columbia you can only buy a fraction of that amount, I would feel bad.  Does that make sense?

Lilrdmandy

What about a savings account for baby? 

globalwife

MsCrispy:

Where do people buy baby stuff down there? Can you register at one of the local stores?

If not, then I would vote for no registry and let your parents spread the news that cash is best given your situation.

I wish. I put this in the OP. People here don't register. Obviously, I wouldn't be asking for the people here for cash but the irony is that here, it is extremely common to request cash gifts and is completely accepted. We were at a 4 year old birthday party last week and the invite even suggested cash gifts. It is completely accepted here. I am a southern, from Texas so I completely understand what all of you are telling me. I was just hoping to make things easier for the family since they have been asking how I plan to register. 

StephCHK63

globalwife:

Okay well, I guess I left out two main details. 

#1- Companies do not ship to Colombia (Target, Babier R Us, Amazon, etc.). Or if you know of one that does, please let me know. It makes registering impossible unless it is a cash registry. 

#2- Once a gift is sent, I will have to pay 30% on the claimed insurance value of each gift to claim it from the national post office here.  

So, I guess according to what everyone says, it is best to not register at all due to my circumstances? 

This does make it tricky.. I think in this case I would be likely to send an AmEx traveler's cheque (you can cash these at the bank, right?) or one of those Visa gift cards that you can use wherever they accept Visa.  I think it's fine to have your parents and family spread the word that you would prefer this type of gift given the large tax you have to pay on items shipped to you.  I still don't like the idea of "cash registry."  But a lot of people do use them, so again, that's just my opinion.

globalwife

Yes, I really like this idea. I just don't know how to set it up. 

backinpgh

I'm thinking that family members who want to send you something will probably ask your mom (or whoever) "How can we send something to globalwife for the baby?" Then she can say that you can't really send actual gifts because of shipping, etc., but if you want to give them any money she can collect it. Then she can take all the cash gifts and deposit them in your account for you. That seems to be the simplest, classiest way to go about it.

globalwife

backinpgh:

I understand there's no good way around the shipping/international issue, but I think the solution here is to say "thanks but no thanks." I would feel awful telling my family to give me money knowing that they would be charged a service fee to do so...that's ridiculous. (GoGift charges 7.75% to the gift giver. So if someone wants to give you $100, it's going to cost them $107.75)

I think this is one of those situation where you just have to buy your own baby stuff.

Thank you. Yeah, fees suck but they are providing a service.  I don't see much difference in people paying the 7.75% fee than the 8.25% sales tax rate where I was living in TX.  But thanks for pointing out that others might feel differently.

globalwife

Here is an example of what I was originally thinking. To me, it doesn't scream cash gift but in all reality it is.

https://www.depositagift.com/60/BabyHendricks/ShopRegistry/registry 

ShawMich

Requesting cash is tacky.

natkay02

globalwife:

Here is an example of what I was originally thinking. To me, it doesn't scream cash gift but in all reality it is.

https://www.depositagift.com/60/BabyHendricks/ShopRegistry/registry 

I think this is fine! Cute even, I like the little descriptions and how you are assigning cash to what you want to buy with it. 

I think your circumstance is different and calls for exceptions to be made. If a friend or family member is looking for a way to help, I bet that they would love this idea and it makes it easy for them. 

justrachet

globalwife:

Here is an example of what I was originally thinking. To me, it doesn't scream cash gift but in all reality it is.

https://www.depositagift.com/60/BabyHendricks/ShopRegistry/registry 

I really like that!