WWYD: I think Mandi is depressed.

KrisBriMcBunny

I have been having issues with Mandi for awhile now.  The least little thing will set her off.  Happy one moment...pissed off or extremely upset the next.  She spends ALOT of time in her room watching TV.

I know she has been having alot of problems at her Dad's mainly with his GF.  I'm not gonna get into it but she is a real piece of work.  My ex's entire family including aunts & uncles cant stand her.  She really makes my older girls lives a living hell.

I tried talking to Mandi but I get nothing...either she blows me off or blows up at me.  I'm really concerned about her.  I was thinking of talking to the school nurse or the guidance counselor to see if they can help me out but not mention that it was me who talk to them about it.

WWYD?

 

ppants

I would definitely approach the school couselor or a outside counselor.  Poor thing! 

cbidt*sgirl

Why sneak around?  You can send her to therapy at school or outside (which may feel more private to her).  she might balk at first, but kids generally end up talking at therapy even if they play sullen and silent the first few sessions.  Offer to go with her or let her go by herself and offer her the choice of school guidance vs private, but let her know that you are concerned and that she has to go because you are worried.

belle204

Can you have Brit talk to her?

rebs

Crap, what an awful situation.  I would go and talk to the counselor at school, or even a private therapist, and see what they suggest. 

I hope it gets better soon.

KrisBriMcBunny

First of all she's 18...cant exactly MAKE her go to counseling.  Britt tried talking to her but she gets the same reaction I get.

femmegem

cbidt*sgirl:

Why sneak around?  You can send her to therapy at school or outside (which may feel more private to her).  she might balk at first, but kids generally end up talking at therapy even if they play sullen and silent the first few sessions.  Offer to go with her or let her go by herself and offer her the choice of school guidance vs private, but let her know that you are concerned and that she has to go because you are worried.

My parents had me start seeing a therapist when I was a teenager because I wouldn't talk to them. It was one of the best things they ever did for me. They were very open about why they wanted me to see her. So ditto this.

justEK

femmegem:

cbidt*sgirl:

Why sneak around?  You can send her to therapy at school or outside (which may feel more private to her).  she might balk at first, but kids generally end up talking at therapy even if they play sullen and silent the first few sessions.  Offer to go with her or let her go by herself and offer her the choice of school guidance vs private, but let her know that you are concerned and that she has to go because you are worried.

My parents had me start seeing a therapist when I was a teenager because I wouldn't talk to them. It was one of the best things they ever did for me. They were very open about why they wanted me to see her. So ditto this.

My husband was forced to go when he was a teenager. It made him more angry and he just messed with the therapist by lying about everything. 

I agree with going to the counselor. That's what my mom did and is was extremely helpful. The counselor doesn't have to say, "Your mom is concerned." He/She can just bring her in to talk, so Mandi has an opportunity to vent without family knowing anything.

 

DandelionMom

Definitely try to get her to a counselor. Also, I always feel better when I'm exercising so maybe see if there's a gym or dance class she might be interested in trying. 

KrisBriMcBunny

Dande - She's in sports normally but she kinda dropped out of track.  Practice hasnt officially started but alot of kids are training inside & she's not.  She doesnt know if she wants to run or even play LaCrosse like she did last year. She's losing interest ...its another thing that makes me think she's depressed.

DandelionMom

That doesn't sound good.  You're right to try to get her to talk to someone.  It is like a vicious cycle -- you're depressed so you lose interest in the things you used to like and then you get more depressed because you're not doing the things you like. 

angiepangie

I hate to be the one to say this, but do you think it's possible she's doing drugs? The issues you mentioned are a few of the signs.

I also wanted to suggest writing her a letter. My mom and I used to communicate this way when it was too hard to talk about things. DH and I have done it as well. It takes away a lot of the intensity that you have in a face to face confrontation and sometimes it's easier to say what you mean in writing.

justEK

angiepangie:

I hate to be the one to say this, but do you think it's possible she's doing drugs? The issues you mentioned are a few of the signs.

I was thinking this or something happened to her. 

I hope everything turns out okay, Kristi.

Angela814

KrisBriMcBunny:

First of all she's 18...cant exactly MAKE her go to counseling.  Britt tried talking to her but she gets the same reaction I get.

I'd have her keep trying. Not necessarily about what's bothering her, but just talking in general. My sister and I weren't always super close in HS, but we could always talk to each other. I remember many times spent just venting about life and general teenage issues. It's helpful to know you have a friend in that situation.

joseysbride

I sent you a pm.  This post hits close to home for me.

JellymanKelly

Obviously, you can't rule anything out, but I would not assume or confront her about doing drugs unless there is REALLY something that points to actual drug use. I had a very difficult time as a teenager, much like you've described, and struggled with depression and anxiety off and on for most of my life. I got accused of using drugs and alcohol and that only made it worse, since I was freaking PERFECT and never did anything I wasn't supposed to. To me, it felt like, not only did I feel like a failure in every other area, the things I was doing RIGHT weren't even good enough.

sweetie645

My only suggestion is to not ignore your intuition on this.  I spent a great deal of my adolescence and young adulthood severely depressed and my parents never let on that they knew (which they had to know) or did anything about it (I think they were just not sure what to do).  I really wish they had done something and gotten me some help.  I feel sick when I think about all of the years I wasted being depressed. 

goodheartedmommy

I spent the majority of my youth depressed. My mom accused me of drug use more than once and it hurt really bad. Please try to be sensitive to it and not sound like you don't trust her and try to find evidence before accusing. It's something to worry about, of course, but it could make her not feel like she can trust you. I was, however, taken to therapy and put on medicine. I was mainly embarrassed of the fact that "there was something wrong with me" and wasn't really open and willing to be helped. I don't know that my parents did a good enough job letting me know that it's normal and okay to be depressed. It was easier for me to refuse to believe nothing was wrong with me, though I just got into a deeper depression. Dropping out of her sports is a huge red flag. I quit running cross country and quit playing piano, which are two things I always loved. I hope you can get through to her. Being a teenager is really really hard.

Cbidt's girl

justEK:

femmegem:

cbidt*sgirl:

Why sneak around?  You can send her to therapy at school or outside (which may feel more private to her).  she might balk at first, but kids generally end up talking at therapy even if they play sullen and silent the first few sessions.  Offer to go with her or let her go by herself and offer her the choice of school guidance vs private, but let her know that you are concerned and that she has to go because you are worried.

My parents had me start seeing a therapist when I was a teenager because I wouldn't talk to them. It was one of the best things they ever did for me. They were very open about why they wanted me to see her. So ditto this.

My husband was forced to go when he was a teenager. It made him more angry and he just messed with the therapist by lying about everything. 

I agree with going to the counselor. That's what my mom did and is was extremely helpful. The counselor doesn't have to say, "Your mom is concerned." He/She can just bring her in to talk, so Mandi has an opportunity to vent without family knowing anything.

 

sounds like your DH's relationship with his parents is different than the poster's. Good therapists can tell when they are getting BS and should be able to develop a rapport with their clients that can cut through that resistance. I'm sorry your DH had such a negative experience.