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Washington Babies
Need an e-hug :(
So....with William's ezcema, by the end of the week on the medication and soy formula he seemed to be doing pretty well. The rashes had cleared up and he was acting fairly happy. He has a cold, so he snuffles and snorts and has a runny nose, but fairly happy.
We saw his pediatrician on Friday because we thought Madelyn had an ear infection. We talked about Will and she said that it's just so hard to tell why it might be happening and to go ahead and try the breastmilk again and see what happens.
So, I switched him back to breastmilk. I stopped putting all of the creams on him since the spots had cleared up. By Sunday night, he was miserable. He cried most of the weekend and the rash on his head has come back. Sunday morning he woke up with terrible rash on his chest. It looked like heat rash to me - and he was sweaty and really, really warm . And I'm just so torn - is it his cold? Is it the breastmik? Did I over heat him?
If it's an allergy, I don't understand why this just started happening 3 weeks ago. He's 4.5 months old! If he were allergic to something in my breastmilk, why is it just showing up now?!?!
I hate this. I hate having a baby that seems so unhappy and I can't figure out what to do to help him. I hate not knowing what to do. I feel defeated about breastfeeding my child. I've worked so hard to keep pumping and giving him breastmilk. It's getting so hard to keep pumping - both schedule wise because I'm back at work and on the support side, because everyone in the family thinks he's got an allergy and while they won't say it, aren't as supportive of the continued pumping, which means it's more challenging to get it done.
Part of me wants to keep pumping until we figure out what's going on with him and part of me wants to just switch to formula regardless of whether it's soy or milk based and give myself a break. Either way makes me want to cry.
And part of me just wants someone to tell me that it's okay - that I tried hard enough and that it's amazing that I have a month's worth of milk in the freezer, in addition to feeding him breastmilk exclusively (except for the last week) despite being alone alot with a new baby and a toddler. I need to hear that I've done enough and it's okay to let it go and my son will be okay and not develop heart disease or diabetes or be less intelligent or any of the other horrible things they scare you with in happening to formula fed babies.
Edit: I know in my head he'll be fine - it's just quieting that "second guessing" one does and convincing my heart that the scare tactics are just that....
And I'm frustrated with myself that I need that sort of validation from someone else....that I can't just know the right thing to do and be emotionally okay with that.
:::sigh:::
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need an e-hug :(
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Poor little guy and Poor Mama!
The right course often seems so elusive, hang in there - you guys will find it!
Your baby will be JUST fine if you decide to stick with formula, having a baby so unhappy and reacting to your breast milk is making your life hard! Having a happy healthy baby as well as you being happy is very important. My son was formula fed from 2 weeks on, and he is not fat, he's healthy, and very very smart. Infact I was also formula fed, and I have non of the things you are worried about. I had tremendous guilt over not breast feeding my son, I went through a lot in the short 2 weeks I tried. I stopped because it put my health at risk, not only my physical health but my emotional. What is most important is that your baby is happy and healthy and so are you. If you are set on him having breastmilk you are going to have to change your diet, I don't have any advice on that since I haven't done anything like that. But I do have friends that had babies that were allergic to milk and that means you have to stop drinking it. But like your Pedi said, it could be a number of things. ((Hugs)) you are good mom, don't let formula scare you.
Oh H, big big huge HUGS! I'm so sorry you're going through all that. Your post makes me want to cry.
I bolded the parts above that I think are SOOOO true. Pumping with one is d@mn hard, I can't imagine pumping with 2, working, and having a baby with something going on healthwise that you can't figure out.
I quit pumping when Lucy was 3 months old. At first I was so disappointed and felt like I was letting her down. But, the truth is, your boy needs to eat, and if having formula is what makes him fat and happy and not itchy and rashy then that is ok. You are still providing what he needs.
Seriously, huge hugs. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Oh H, this just broke my heart!
You ARE an amazing mother! You ARE doing, and have done, everything you can for both your babies. You ARE making the right decision by giving BFing a break, and/or switching to formula. You have done everything you can to make Will comfortable and you gave him the best start possible.
But this agony is taking away from you enjoying your baby and your family. You are scrutinizing and guilting yourself into thinking that you are making the wrong decision. YOU ARE NOT!!! You need to think about what's more important here. Is it more important for Will to be EBF, or is it more important for him to be comfortable, happy, and healthy? It might not be your BM, it might be some odd allergin. But I agree with Jill that you need to not BF for the next week, then reintroduce the BM. If the rash come back, I think you have your answer.
Tons of babies, including most of us were formula fed. Will will not be any less smart, happy, or healthy from being formula fed. You are an amazing mother for putting all of this work and effort into feeding your child.
((Hugs, sweet mama)).
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I'm so sorry. I totally understand the frustration. Gavin had horrible eczema and we didn't know why. I cut out dairy and his skin cleared up in 3 days, but the pedi said that we couldn't be sure unless he was allergy tested. We got him tested, and I'm so glad we did. Can you take W to an allergist? It will give you some answers, or at least rule out allergies as a cause.
Big Big hugs!!
I know how hard and disappointing that can be, to feel like you can't nurse your baby, and you must be so frustrated that it's (potentially) being caused by an allergy. We supplemented with formula twice when Livy was about two weeks old because of supply, and I was so sad.
But, you have said yourself that all that matters is having a happy, healthy baby. You have done such a great job, and all of your efforts show how much you are willing to sacrifice (I don't think I could do it if I had to pump at work! I'm barely able to pump as a SAHM!) Just try to remember that formula fed babies have also gone on to do great things!! I really think that a lot of what they say these days is just scare tactics to try to convince moms to breastfeed. But honestly, I would much rather see a mom formula feed her baby, then to be stressed out and exhausted from trying to breastfeed. Give yourself some credit for all that you have done, take a deep breath, and know that it will be ok!
Big big big hugs, lady!!! It's too bad that nowadays there is such a stigma about formula. If that's what you need to do to keep his eczema and allergies under control, then it's for the best. After initially starting with breastfeeding, I formula fed both of my girls and they are perfectly healthy.
Don't feel defeated! You have done an amazing job and it's a helpless feeling when you see your child in pain and something that is supposed to be the best for him isn't working.
Big big big hugs coming at you H. I am so sorry for all of the unknowns in the situation.
I will be the first one to say that whatever you choose to do, W will be ok. He will be smart and healthy on formula or on BM. And I will also say that you are doing a wonderful job of helping him grow and thrive. You're dealing with a lot of variables and that makes determining what the problem is even harder. I just hope that you get some answers soon. I need to FB you back btw. We're already back to pumping too
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Since we are going through what they believe is a milk protein allergy I might be able to shed some light on this above sentence. I was told by the Pediatric GI that with milk protein allergies, it comes on over a period of time because the proteins begin to build up and eventually their bodies cannot take it. Typically you will see rashes, eczema, loose stools, and then that will follow with stomach pains, etc. So that would explain why all of a sudden this started.
I know it is hard to formula feed when you have been so dedicated to EP. Gurl, I could not do it and have the utmost respect for you. Try not to beat yourself up over this. there is absolutely nothing that you have done wrong. His tummy is just not ready to process milk proteins. He will get over this, it will just take time!
Hugs and hang in there. Like the others have said you are a wonderful Mom and are doing what is very best for your baby. My little guy was formula fed at 4 months old, he is fine, happy and healthy. Sometimes I feel a bit of guilt and missed those special bonding times but I know in my heart what happened was best for my baby.