why do i feel so embarassed?

MRSmamacita

i finally just came out and told my husband today that things are not ok with me. i am 23, quit my full time job as a 911 dispatcher after 4 years so i can be a sahm and have 3 step kids. i love my son more than anything i have ever known and he makes me laugh and smile and my heart just sing.

i hardly leave my house. i got rid of my car prior to leaving my job just to save some money so my husband and i share our tahoe. he works 4-5 days a week from 6pm-6am so most of the week i am stuck without a car, and on the days he is off of work, and i actually leave the house, it's with him to pick up or drop off my step kids. i feel like it should bother me more that i am home all the time, but it doesn't. leaving feels like such a chore. getting my baby ready, myself ready..going somewhere that probably won't be easy to care for a 5mo old at..it just seems overwhelming. i am very emotional and get very overwhelmed over things that shouldn't even bother me. and then there are my step kids. they are 2, 4, and 5. prior to having my son they were my world and i loved being around them, but now even that i can't handle..they whine and complain and are too rough with the baby, aka are just being kids..but i feel like i can only realize they are just kids when they aren't here and when they are i would just rather be alone with my son. i feel like i am happiest with him and could really spend all of my time just me and him.

i feel like a bad person. i am supposed to love my step kids like i always have and while i don't lash out at them, i'm sure when i just get up and tell my husband "i need a minute" over "nothing" they are confused and it's not fair to them. i feel like a stranger to myself and i am going to see my dr. on wed.