needing sleep(slight vent)

cheerio9

so from what I can see on here sleeping is basically non-existent w/ a newborn. we're one week in and I've had 3 nights where he refuses to sleep and it's 2am and all I can do is cry because I'm so tired. I think what did I get into and then I just think am I a bad mom because I want some sleep. I know that isn't the case. it's just so hard right now. how do you get through this?? I'm just starting to sleep during the day when he does because I can't keep feeling like this at night. then to top everything off yesterday my husband comes home, and my dad and sister were coming over later and he says, "you look kinda dumpy can't you go change?" what the hell?! I'm up half the night not sleeping and am on a 10lbs weight lift restriction and haven't been able to do the laundry. I just freaked out and told him to stop being so gd lazy and do something. his response- I just worked 10hrs. are you freaking kidding me?! I'm a feeding device every 2-3 hrs and barely have time for myself. sorry for the crazy vent. this is our first and it's super hard.

Hyfagal

It's not your job to impress people with your appearance right now. It gets easier. I know that's of little consolation right now, but it does. Those first few weeks are brutal.

BlondeDutchess912

It gets better, or may be you just get used to it. I remember crying before bed the first coupe of nghts in anticipation of how bad it waas going to be... now (6 weeks) I wake up for the three feedings without a second thought and then DS and I fall right back to sleep. 

Try to get a little more out of your DH now, though. That is one bad habit I wish I had broken early, In the begining I was doing EVERYTHING because I didnt trust him (bc I was crazy, not any fault of his) and now he's gotten a little to used to it.  

bethandjoe09

Ah, that sucks.  Yes, it is definitely exhausting and I have no idea how I made it through (it's a blur).  Don't worry about looking good for people who come over.  If they don't know you well enough to see you sleep deprived and in your PJs, they shouldn't be coming over right now.  Also, they should be helping out around the house while they're visiting.

As far as your DH - some guys don't get it.  Mine didn't really understand how much work DS could be during the day until I left the two of them alone together for a few hours.  He still doesn't understand what it's like at night.  He does work 10s, though, just like your DH, and manages to take care of DS when he gets home from work.  I'd try reminding your DH that your job is 24/7, and ask him to do some specific things (such as the laundry).  My DH does a heck of a lot better with helping out when I ask him to do something in specific; otherwise, he doesn't even know where to start.

Hang in there!  It gets easier.

GoMommy

h3ll dumpy is pretty good imo for having a newborn.  i can't believe he said that to you!  i'm lucky if i'm not covered in breast milk when dh gets home!  sorry for the no caps.. writing this one handed b/c I'm also a feeding machine.. lol.  try to sleep when he sleeps (which i know is super hard b/c there really is alot to get done.. ) but that 2 hour nap does wonders.. also sometimes when dh gets home i shower and nap for an hour or 2.. until lo gets hungry and it really makes me feel like a new person.  and don't worry how you look right now.. i'm pretty sure the people that are coming over arn't looking at us.. they are only seeing our babies.. i hope things get better...  and you are not a bad mom for wanting sleep.. you are human!

freeatlast2014

Wow - I could have written this just a few weeks ago. What helped me...(PP mentioned too) is to have your H help with a few things or even have your visitors help. For example, I would pump and have my H give LO a bottle, change him, get him to sleep, then when he woke up for the next feeding I would nurse. This allowed me to get a solid 4 hour nap or so. It was usually the feeding around 9 or 10 at night. Then I would feel so well rested to handle the rest of the night.

Or, if you aren't pumping then your H could change LO, burp LO, and all you have to do for a feeding or two or 3 is nurse. Then you can sleep before and after while your H is getting LO ready to sleep again. It's small things like this that will help you feel better. And it doesn't have to be in the wee hours b/c your H has to go to work, it can be the earlier ones from when he comes home until midnight.

Oh, and when visitors come - take a shower, go lay down in another room - you don't have to entertain. That was a tough one for me but when I did it, it felt great. Good luck - it will all smooth out sooner than later. It's tough right now though, I know!! 

Aviee

Not going to lie, I didnt find the 'no sleep all night' thing that difficult compared to having to jump out of bed every half an hour to pee during pregnancy lol BUT, I do feel your pain.  Some nights, even tho LO sleeps extremely well, I get impatient when she wants to cuddle for an hour, then decides to get hungry again before i can put her down. 

Keep a positive mind, if you can.  It's helped me tremendously.  My bf doesnt help out (he might if he could) during the night, and it used to get to me, but hey, I love my LO soooo much, so ya just gotta keep with it :-}  It will get better.  LO now sleeps 3 hours in a shot (4 at night if i keep her in a dark spot) which feels GREAT!!!

ABizzity

First of all, your DH needs to change his attitude.  Perhaps he should spend an entire day taking care of a newborn and see how he feels?  He should be taking the baby for at least a couple hours in the evening so you can shower and relax.  

In the meantime, dont worry about anything else.  Just take care of your LO and soon you two will fall into a routine of some sort.  It wont be perfect but it will be a step in the right direction.  Keep up the good work, mama!

meheron80

My daughter will be 2 weeks tom and last night she went to bed at 2am and slept apx 5 hours I got up and changed her then fed her and she slept for two more hours so mom got apx 7 hours of sleep.  We just made sure we kept her up for a few hours until we were ready to bed, changed her and fed her then put her down at the same time as us. 

Just a few suggestions that we are using (and yes I am overwhelmed at times too but ours seems to enjoy sleeping). 

Instead of having visitors can you have babysitters.  What I mean by this is: This coming Sunday my H has to work at the firestation.  I have asked my mother to come by for about four hours to babysit while I get some sleep.  This gives mom her visiting time and me some well needed sleep.  We have done this type of "visiting" since she came home.  Five times so far and H or I go sleep during those times. My sleep is much better during these "babysitting" times because I know someone is caring for her and I am not trying to sleep and listen for her at the same time.   

Today at the peds office I asked about combo feeding with formula and breastmiilk.  My daughters ped said that if we planned to "ever" do formula then to add it now instead of later.  Babies adjust better the earlier to introduce something.  We are already giving her 2-3 oz of bottle of breastmilk daily, now we are going to do 1 bottle of breastmilk and 1 bottle of formula during the day so that momma can get some rest (break). 

Just a few thoughts to help you out. 

navgogia

It is absolutely exhausting, I completely sympathize.  Our DS is 5 weeks old and has never slept more than 1 hour at a time over the last 2 weeks.  It's tolerable during the day, but at night, it's crazy and I definitely have cried at the beginning of the night in anticipation of what is to come.  My DH is very helpful but he's back at work so at night, it really does end up being just me.  Our DS has GERD and so that's part of the reason he doesn't sleep well and wakes up with discomfort- is your baby waking up just because he/she is hungry or does it look like it might be something else?

Quesera

It sucks but for me it only lasted about a week or two and then she sorted herself out. Your H is a ***. You need the support of a partner who understands that you are also working, probably more than 10 hours a day. 

Mrs.Honeybear

omg. i wish i could just hug you...hug you and come over and do your laundry and watch your sweet baby while you take a nap! i was JUST there...there was one night...about right where you are now, where i actually stayed up for 24 hours straight and was doing laundry at 5am, crying my face off and posting on the bump because i just was insane and i knew if i even tried to go to sleep, my son owuld wake up immediately and start screaming. god, it is SO hard....it's still hard, i'm not going to lie, but it DOES get better...how do you do it? you just do. that's the only answer i have. what option do you have? you have to get through it. and you will. it will suck, but it's a blur and before you know it, they are smiling at you and sleeping like a normal person (3 hours at a time, but still)....hang in there

Doodle2011

one thing that helped me at the beginning was to think that I was not alone, even when it seemed like I was, because I knew some of you ladies were in my shoes and up doing the same things I was at all hours of the day and night.  it's like a sorority of new moms, and you are now initiated, and only those initiated really know what goes on.  I totally agree with asking your DH to do specific things to help, and when you have a chance, get him to watch LO for a good chunk (3 to 4 hours) while you get OUT and have some me-time.  He will have a deeper appreciation for what you do.  My DH had our daughter all day today while I took care of some things, and when I came home the first words from his mouth were "I could never be a stay at home dad".  lol.