Kids.woot = too funny

fauxshelley

You have got to check out kids woot today.  They are freakin hilarious with the stories they come up with to sell their products.  Does this remind anyone of Banana-Gate?  LOL

https://kids.woot.com/

And we?re back with Helen Mayer, author of ?Just Give Them What They Want: Advice For Parents From Someone With No Children Of Her Own.?

So, Helen, just before the break, you were about to tell us a little bit about the book.

?Well, I?ve been stuck in a lot of uncomfortable situations with folks I like to call ?breeders?, Terrence. Elevators, airplanes, grocery store checkout lines, you name it. In every instance, there has been some inept parent and some screaming child or children that he or she is trying to coax into behaving. What my book does is simply offer the same completely unsolicited advice I give those parents, and that advice boils down to this: If it keeps them quiet and out of my way, let them have or do it. Candy bars, toys, pushing the cart, hiding in the clothing displays, whatever.?

But Helen, if they?re just given anything they wish for without working for it or behaving properly, doesn?t that give kids the wrong message?

?As I see it, Terrence, that?s not really my problem, is it? I?m not the one who decided to procreate, after all. I just want to go to my doctor in peace or pay for my groceries and get home in time for my stories. Why should I be punished for their folly of fertility??

Hmm. Certainly something to think about. Let?s take a quick call. Kathy from Denver has a bit of an emergency, is that right?

Yes, Terrence, thank you. Great show, by the way. So I?m in a department store right now and this lady?s kid has just thrown himself to the floor and begun screaming and stomping all over the place. He?s frustrated, she?s exasperated, and the rest of us in the store are completely mortified. What should I do?

?Kathy, I want you to listen to me carefully. What is the child saying??

Uh, well, it?s hard to make out, but I think he?s saying he wants this KidKraft Fire Rescue Set or something. Looks like it has a helipad, a firetruck, a couple of ladders and firefighters? Oh, hey, it?s got a fire pole and a little dog house! How adorable!

?Please, try to focus, Kathy. Now what is the mother doing??

Well, she?s pretty embarrassed. She?s telling him he can?t have it right now, that it?s got too many pieces, that she doesn?t have time to build it since Daddy left?

?Excellent. Now then, I need you to storm over there and, in your most condescending voice, tell her ?Just buy it for him, already. Can?t you see people are trying to shop here?? Can you do that for me??

Sure, hold on? Okay, now she?s giving me a rude gesture and telling me to mind my own business.

?Very good, Kathy! You did great!?

But? But the kid?s still screaming.

?Doesn?t matter! You?ve successfully made her feel bad about her decision to have children. Even if she doesn?t buy the child that KidKraft Fire Rescue Set, she will stew about what you just told her for weeks, maybe months! And most importantly, she will reflect on her faults as a parent before ever considering having children again. Way to go, Kathy.?

Kathy, thanks for your call. One last thing, Helen. Some of your critics have called you ?a horrid, selfish troll of a woman who is incapable of love or joy and is merely crying out for attention because she is so utterly alone.? How does that make you feel?

?Well, that?s ridiculous, Terrence. After all, when the world needs someone like me so badly, how could I ever be alone??

itsmexine

I was seriouly lol.  You're right too funny!

Daisiesinmygarden

"a horrid, selfish troll of a woman who is incapable of love or joy and is merely crying out for attention because she is so utterly alone"

Working at Woot is my new dream job.... I want to sit in the cubicle next to the person who wrote that beauty. It's OK if they don't like my writing, I can do payroll and HR.

Can you imagine their meetings????