Oh, the pressure (to please my mom)

sunshine336

First off, my mom is very sarcastic, opinionated, and blunt (with her kids anyway- she's a bit more reserved and polite with the general public).  She can be funny, and of course I love her, but sometimes she takes things a little far.  So I take the following comments with a grain of salt- I know she means no harm.  But, it is hard to listen to these comments over and over again.

She has been wanting a grand-daughter for years.  My sister just had a boy (my mom's first grandchild) so now my mom keeps making comments to me about my need to have a girl (we still don't know the sex).  She tells me that is her "vote" as if that will change what has already happened. 

Today she takes it a step further and says that she is confident I will give her a grand-daughter with blonde hair and blue eyes (like me).  So not only does LO need to be a girl, but she must have a rare combination of hair/ eye color.  I told her that is a lot of pressure to put on me for something completely out of my control.   Her answer is a sarcastic joke about "dealing with it" if LO is a boy.

Then she starts again with the name suggestions- she is trying to make me feel bad for not considering naming a possible boy after my grandfather or late uncle (her brother), or for not wanting to use my brother's name (she says it's a family name).  I'm just not into family names, and the names in question are Polish and there is no way DH will go for them, even if I liked them myself.  The names are Witold (pronounced VEE-told), Mateusz (Polish version of Matthew), and Gustaw (W makes a "v" sound.  I know first-hand how much grief my brother got growing up with this name- and probably still gets).  Besides, DH's family has a tradition of naming first born sons with family names.  So if we're rejecting his family's traditional names, I think we have to reject my family's as well- to be fair.  Funny thing about the naming issue- as much as she wants a girl, 90% of the name talk is about boy names.

The name stuff is a lot more irritating than the stuff about wanting a girl, because I know that she will love her grandchild regardless.  I just think she is trying to relive her baby making days vicariously through her daughters now (although I don't think she was as bad when my sister was pregnant).  I just wish she knew how annoying it gets day after day.  Thanks for listening!  I feel better now!

MrsPBNJ0220

Are you sure we aren't related?  That sounds like my mom.  Not so much with the girl thing or the hair color thing.  On a side note I can't remember where it was from but they do say that if one of the parents has blonde hair and blue eyes, it's very likely their child will.  I am hoping mine does I naturally have blonde hair and I have blue eyes.

On another note, I'm so sorry your mom is bahaving this way.  My mom isn't doing the same thing but she is already telling me that I should do this and do that.  The things she is talking about is things like after LO will be 1 year.  I have to keep telling her she is asking me things about stuff that I don't know because I've never been a mother and will not make a decision on it until the time comes.

As I know with my own mother there is no changing it and if you tell her anything she just gets super offended and mad!  Good Luck considering it seems we have the same type of mother!

Syncronicity09

MrsPBNJ0220:

Are you sure we aren't related?  That sounds like my mom.  Not so much with the girl thing or the hair color thing.  On a side note I can't remember where it was from but they do say that if one of the parents has blonde hair and blue eyes, it's very likely their child will.  I am hoping mine does I naturally have blonde hair and I have blue eyes.

On another note, I'm so sorry your mom is bahaving this way.  My mom isn't doing the same thing but she is already telling me that I should do this and do that.  The things she is talking about is things like after LO will be 1 year.  I have to keep telling her she is asking me things about stuff that I don't know because I've never been a mother and will not make a decision on it until the time comes.

As I know with my own mother there is no changing it and if you tell her anything she just gets super offended and mad!  Good Luck considering it seems we have the same type of mother!

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Actually, genetically blonde hair and blue eyes are both recessive, meaning if a gene for dark hair or dark eyes is present then the baby will have dark hair and dark eyes. The baby will need to get a blonde hair and a blue eyed gene from both parents. However, a parent with dark hair or eyes doesn?t necessarily mean they can?t pass on a light gene, they could still be carriers.

OP it sounds like your mom and my mom are the same person! She was demanding a boy, it was making MH and I so frustrated, and annoying other family as well. Now that we now it is a boy she is constantly suggesting names and ignoring me when I tell her we have already ruled those out.

 

ETA: not sure what happened there but I bolded my response so it is easier to see.

 

Sazhrah

My SIL (married to DH's brother) is from Poland and she is expecting her first child in May. She wants to have a name that both her parents can pronounce (still live in Poland) and that her husbands family can pronounce (Mexican). They had the hardest time with the names. Luckily the slavic names we have chosen for our kids (I am czech gypsy) is a bit easier to pronounce.

Good luck.

maiziejenga

I think guilty pressure is a shared Polish trait...we got a lot of that as well.  My mom wanted me to name DD Anastasia, which is beautiful, but we have a distinctly anlgo last name and it sounds wierd.  Not to mention that every letter I get from my mom has my last name hyphenated...I've been married 10 years and have NEVER hyphenated my last name.

 Just pick something you like...