Should have waited!! (vent)

buddy83

Now I REALLY know why you should wait to have sex until marriage. You could end up with a douche bag for the child's father. It's amazing how great guys can be in the beginning but when trouble arises, they're gone. My child's sperm donor wants me to put the baby up for adoption. I said absolutely not. He then went on to say that the child would not have everything it needed and would have a bad life, which is NOT true. I'd love to tell him to get lost, but I don't want my child to be without a father because of me. I should have been so much smarter!!

windsongs

oh no! I am so sorry.

 

mollybloom

Don't beat yourself up. Unless you have a crystal ball, there is no way you could have known that he would get flakey. He probably would've acted like this even if you two were married.

Just be the best mom that you can be to your LO and I am sure that your SO will come around. And if he doesn't, you will be better off.

veronicafvr

That is really horrible, I am so sorry! Do you think maybe he is just scared and will come around and accept the child when it is born?

MsCrispy

buddy83:

Now I REALLY know why you should wait to have sex until marriage. You could end up with a douche bag for the child's father. It's amazing how great guys can be in the beginning but when trouble arises, they're gone. My child's sperm donor wants me to put the baby up for adoption. I said absolutely not. He then went on to say that the child would not have everything it needed and would have a bad life, which is NOT true. I'd love to tell him to get lost, but I don't want my child to be without a father because of me. I should have been so much smarter!!

I'm not sure the bolded part is a great reason to keep him around. Is he the type of person you would want as a role model for your child?

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Good luck.

Enami

My FI was the same way when we found out. He was all for having an abortion, and got mad when I said I didn't want to go through with it. We had about 2 weeks where he was trying to convince me that abortion was the best option, because we can't give our child what we envisioned to be the "perfect" childhood. But I think when it finally sunk in that this was our child, that's when everything changed. I think now he is more excited about having this baby than I am. He can't wait to be a dad. Give the guy some time, he may just surprise you. If he doesn't you need to get rid of him, because an absent father is better than an apathetic one.

babyjaq

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but I do think it's funny that you refer to him as "sperm donor" that's exactly what I call my x who wanted me to have an abortion.  DD, who is now 10, had everything she needed, without a penny from him.  Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of tough times, and I sacraficed alot, but it was all worth it, and here we are, 10 years later, and I'm married to a wonderful man who treats her like his own and she adores him and carries his last name!

JLAElliott

My now DH and I were not married when I got pregnant with our DD.. In fact it was a fight through out the whole pregnacy and a horrible experiance.. SO I know what you're going through.  We managed to work it out, for the sake of DD and ended up deciding to date then get married.  I hope he will be able to come around and realize what an a$$ he's being.  They say, a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant.. A man becomes a father once the baby is born.   Maybe he'll come around once he sees the beautiful baby you two made. Hope things get better! Hugs!

babyjaq

JLAElliott:

My now DH and I were not married when I got pregnant with our DD.. In fact it was a fight through out the whole pregnacy and a horrible experiance.. SO I know what you're going through.  We managed to work it out, for the sake of DD and ended up deciding to date then get married.  I hope he will be able to come around and realize what an a$$ he's being.  They say, a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant.. A man becomes a father once the baby is born.   Maybe he'll come around once he sees the beautiful baby you two made. Hope things get better! Hugs!

I wish that were true for all men, however, my experience was not so peachy.  Mine decided he wanted to while I was preg, but only if the baby were a boy.  And guess what, I got the girl I wanted.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there's NO chance, but I think that you are very lucky, not everyone is so lucky. 

backinpgh

I'm sorry you have to go through this...as they say, hindsight is 20/20. Truth is though, it can happen if you're married too!

Try to focus on the people around you who ARE supporting you. Maybe once he sees his little son or daughter he'll come around to his responsibilities. If not, well, there are courts to take care of that for you.

backinpgh

And I'll tell you something else...having a father for the sake of having a father is NOT the answer. My poor mother stayed with my jagoff of a father till I was 13 years old even though he treated all of us like crap. I wasn't even sad when she finally kicked him out.

If he's not going to want to be a true father figure, it isn't worth keeping him around; he'll only be a negative influence on your child in the long run.

marriedtoeric

(((HUGS))) Sorry you have to deal with this.  

KBaker421

I totally understand where you are coming from, except my DD's sperm donor had asked me to get an abortion.

When i said no, he was gone and never looked back.

I was 21, making $9.00/hr and had no idea what i was going to do. 

Long story short, we struggled for a bit but we are doing just fine and i don't have a single regret.  DD is now 6 years old and i have married a man who has taken her in as his own.  We are all truly happy and way better off with without that douchebag

everything will work out and you and your LO will be just fine.  Keep your head up!

JLAElliott

That's horrible. Men are assho!es.  I'm sorry you had to go through that. I thought mine was bad enough and he came around

buddy83

Thank you all for the comments and words of wisdom. I am very close to my parents and I have a great group of friends who are supporting me. I was trying to be the mature and responsible parent and talk rationally with him. All he did was stress me out and make me want to cry. I think it's best that I just cut ties with him for now. I do worry about how he will be around my child. He's acting as if he's being forced to be a father, which he isn't. It's funny, my ex that I dated for nearly ten years is being there for me emotionally and for legal advise. It's not his child yet he wants to help me where he can. I wish things would have worked out with us. Oh well. One foot in front of the other.