What's the consensus on shy kids?

savannah11

C is the exact opposite of O.  She is timid and shy and scared of most people.  I've had her in a tumbling class for 7 weeks and it's just not going well.  She took several classes before I could even set her down.  Then she'd play as long as no one spoke to her and I was practically touching her the whole time.  She was afraid of a lot of the activities and we stood in the back watching a lot.  Then we had a week off and she completely regressed.  The last class she cried, clung to me, had no interest in playing, and begged me to take her home.  We left midway through.

 So, would you continue to take her for exposure or should I just let it go for now?  I don't want to torture her but I'd also like her to open up a little. 

CareBear01

Can you bring O with you?  Maybe he can help her break away from you a little bit - and follow what he is doing and get more involved? 

savannah11

CareBear01:

Can you bring O with you?  Maybe he can help her break away from you a little bit - and follow what he is doing and get more involved? 

 That would probably work.  Unfortunately I think it would be frowned upon because I didn't pay for him to be in the class.  He would also stand out because it's a class for toddlers.   

ETA: But maybe I could talk to the teacher about it.  She might agree to let him run around in the beginning. 

Suzi-G-

I don't remember exactly how old she is, so that might change my opinion, but my initial reaction is that I wouldn't push her, I'd probably quit wasting money on the classes and try again at a later date.  Kids do things at their own pace, how many times do we say this about physical milestones?  I think the same applies to social development.   Maybe you could try a different sort of class, one that doesn't require her to be quite so independent, maybe art or music?  (It seems like sitting and participating in a class is less stressful for shy kids than getting up and physically doing.)  I'm sure it's very frustrating for you though, hang in there. 

lilycat

Our first is more timid than our second. I take several approaches and have added some with the help of his new teacher. (He's 4.)

We let him find his own level and try not to push too hard. If he needs to sit on the sidelines for 20 minutes, so be it. Next time it is only 19 minutes...building slowly.

Take him out of the situation if it gets to be too much. Sometimes it is too much and he has to trust I'll understand and respond. It is a balance between this and giving in too much. When they're younger, though, the trust building usually wins for me.

Another chance can yield different results. Sometimes we wait awhile and try again, talking through expectations and fears triggered by something and concrete things to do. Scripting or knowing what will happen helps his confidence. (Like scary movies being less scary if someone tells you what will happen.) 

Use your big boy voice. Tell me what you need. We have worked with him and his teacher to learn to use his big boy voice. It seems to be empowering him and taking the edge off some situations when he used to be shy.  

Don't call it shy. The teachers recommended that we don't refer to him as shy. The say things like, "L is just not ready to talk. Maybe later." Basically, building the expectation that you'll do it, but no pressure to do it until you're ready. 

Talking. We are talking a lot about swimming lessons. This has been a long-haul plan. We talk about pool safety, why it is important to know how to swim, what to expect from lessons, that you have to swim to be a scuba diver, etc. Just every once in awhile in the car, we talk about swimming. He's gone from, I don't want to swim, to accepting swim lessons as part of his future. (No pressure, just talking it through.) I try to learn what he expects and, therefore fears, and change the perception. It works little by little.

rayskit10

I wouldn't push her. I have always been told, and found to be true, that pushing usually results in the opposite effect of what you want. Perhaps you can try a different activity, like art class or music? there might be something in that particular environment that sets her off. i would drop gymnastics, see if another activity works better and maybe revisit this one again in the future.

newinhouston

Maybe she is an introvert? (not the same as shy)

Our culture leads us to believe that it is better to be an extrovert and that introverts are less common than they actually are.

This article is a tad long but you may find it helpful

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert