And there were tears...

eacerna

So I did well last week, which was my first week back at work. DH was with E all week so I did not feel sad at all or anything. Yesterday was a different story. It was E's first day at daycare. I cried when DH & I dropped her off . I was out the door at work at exactly 5 pm and arrived at her daycare at 5:30 pm. Her daycare provider said she did fine. She cried a little bit but overall she said E was fine. It was funny because her daycare provider said E did not like sitting on the bouncy chair but she likes to be carried! lol. Yeah, they figured that out pretty early! lol. Also, E was constipated. She hasn't pooped since Sunday. We knew it was a blowout waiting to happen lol. Of course, she had the blowout during her first day at daycare! lol. The care provider said, "It was a LOT!" lol. When we got home, I can tell E was already tired. I guess we would have to move her bedtime much earlier now. I am sure all the extra stimulation at daycare makes her tired even more.

When we got home, I felt really sad and guilty . I told DH I feel bad because I am having other people take of her instead of me, her mother, take care of her. DH said I shouldn't feel bad and that I am doing my best to provide what is best for her. Sigh. We are happy with her daycare and I am also happy to be back at work but I just can't shake off that guilty feeling. Is this normal? . I am off work tomorrow and MIL will take care of her on Thurs & Fri so that makes me feel a tad better.

MrsIH

Oh E, I'm sure what you are feeling is normal and it will get easier. I just wanted to give you some BIG hugs!

eacerna

Thanks Tara! Before I get pg with the 2nd baby, I have to remember to move to Canada so I'll have one year maternity leave! lol.

vanilla15

It does get easier, I promise.  My first day back to work (LO was home with my mom) I was a big weepy mess!  My mom stayed with her for two days and then Wed was her first day at daycare.  I was struggling.  Many more tears.  But each day it really did get easier.  I don't know that I felt "guilty" but definitely sad & I missed her a lot.  All that has subsided & when I am with her, I try to make the most of it to make up for time we are not together.  And I really love her daycare which I think makes a world of difference.  LO seems to really love it too.  She is all smiles now when she sees her teacher & she enjoys all of the toys to play with.

 I do think what you are feeling is completely normal & I think it will become the norm soon enough, it just takes a little getting used to.

eacerna:

Before I get pg with the 2nd baby, I have to remember to move to Canada so I'll have one year maternity leave! lol.

I know, right!?!? 

MrsIH

eacerna:

Thanks Tara! Before I get pg with the 2nd baby, I have to remember to move to Canada so I'll have one year maternity leave! lol.

OMG, my heart just bursts thinking about day care... I do know we're blessed to have that whole year.  I'll be posting this entry soon enough and you can give me advice  

MauiWedding08

it will get better!  Once you get in a routine the stress should subside and you can focus on your actual feelings, she is safe and happy and you are being fulfilled at your job and you are providing her with a good life    keep it all in perspective, but getting to that place will take time since you have the stress and hormones to deal with right now.

 

J just moved up to the waddler room (kids are 12-24mo) and I dropped him off for the first time in a long time (DH usually does drop off) and he had a friend that could say his name (I had to wonder - how is he old enough to have friends that can talk to him?! where did the time go...) and he got a huge smile and walked right over to play and kept holding up toys and making sounds like he was trying to have a full on conversation.  I love that he is having fun and developing such good social skills. 

eacerna

MauiWedding08:

it will get better!  Once you get in a routine the stress should subside and you can focus on your actual feelings, she is safe and happy and you are being fulfilled at your job and you are providing her with a good life    keep it all in perspective, but getting to that place will take time since you have the stress and hormones to deal with right now.

Thanks very much. I really appreciate all your support. It is good to know that it does get better and I believe you all! I am just taking it a day at a time. One of the best advice I have been given is "just think about the joy waiting for you at home". Just thinking about that gets me through the day. I try to be as efficient as I can be at work because by 4:59 pm, I am out the door! lol. That said, I am off work tomorrow and I get to spend time with my baby! Yay!

 

 

MauiWedding08:

J just moved up to the waddler room (kids are 12-24mo) and I dropped him off for the first time in a long time (DH usually does drop off) and he had a friend that could say his name (I had to wonder - how is he old enough to have friends that can talk to him?! where did the time go...) and he got a huge smile and walked right over to play and kept holding up toys and making sounds like he was trying to have a full on conversation.  I love that he is having fun and developing such good social skills. 

Yeah, really, where did time go? I can't believe J is already a year old!!! Why do they grow up soo fast?! Before I know it, E will be borrowing my make up kit! lol.

mrspresley

MauiWedding08:

she is safe and happy and you are being fulfilled at your job and you are providing her with a good life 

this exactly.  you shouldn't feel guilty at all! you yourself had said before that you'd be happier and more balanced going back to work vs staying at home full time w/her.  it's just hard not to feel like "the grass is greener...." in a situation like this.  missing her and all that is totally normal though, and it will get better with time.

eacerna:

I try to be as efficient as I can be at work because by 4:59 pm, I am out the door! lol. That said, I am off work tomorrow and I get to spend time with my baby! Yay!

you're lucky that you can more or less control this! nothing sucks more than getting stuck late at work and watching the clock tick away as you lose precious minutes that you would otherwise get to spend with LO before she goes to bed

 

myday1708

Awwww, don't cry E! It definitely gets better. Just wait, soon you will appreciate daycare because she'll be running all around and you'll realize that it's good for babies and toddlers to interact with friends and get their energy out! Plus, daycare teaches them to eat better and eventually potty trains them! So much easier! 

redshoegirl

Oh honey - you are SO normal. Mommy guilt is craaaazy stuff, and the worst part is, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you work, then you're unloving and uninterested in raising your own kids. If you SAH, then you're a child worshiper who doesn't have a life outside of your children. Sucks, doesn't it?

Time really does help, as does seeing how much your LO enjoys daycare. My dudes are always exhausted after a day at daycare - it's like a big fun party all day long, and with all the other kids they get more stimulation there than they do at home. Seeing what a great time they have in the photos that the staff take really helps me to be happy with leaving them there.

And think of what a great example you're providing for her - you're happy to be at work so you're pursuing a fulfilling, rewarding life for yourself while giving her a fab social life and lots of developmental encouragement from loving staff and other kids. It's all good.

HulaLove

Aw that is so hard!  But you're not alone!  I think that every mom feels the same way.

It definately get's better and like Malia said, as they get older they really do benefit from the interactions with other kids!  Elyse hugged her daycare BFF goodbye when I picked her up yesterday!