Do you have chore responsibilities in your house?

teacherjess

I am thinking of making a "chore chart" for me and DH. I don't know if it's cabin fever from the winter, or what, but I am starting to get really fed up and we are getting snappy at each other. I feel like I am doing the majority of the chores around the house and it drives me crazy that he doesn't help unless I specifically say "this needs to be done." What are some man-friendly chores I can give him?

Right now he gets Leah dressed and out the door in the morning, and keeps her occupied while I make dinner. He is also responsible for the lawn care, which is obviously nice for him right now, since there is none. I take care of grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, bills, taxes, and appointments, like dental and doctor. I would happily pass on any of these chores to him, but at the same time, I feel like I would have to be standing over him and saying, "this is how you do this." He's a smart man, but very flighty in terms of actual tasks (he would live surrounded by dirty laundry and wouldn't notice if I didn't point it out). And if I have to do that, I might as well do it myself. But I hate feeling like a nag when I have to ask him fifteen times to take the trash out.

Any tips? Hints? How does your DH help around the house?

escape1st

I could have written this post 6 months ago!  You shouldn't be doing everything. Since my DH is disabled and is at home all the time I was a walking ball of anger when I got home from work and nothing would be clean/done.  We even send DS to a sitter part-time, so there was no excuse for DH's lack of cleaning.  I finally talked to him about it and told him that I shouldn't have to ask him to do dishes, wipe the table, etc. I don't expect him to do everything (and he can't b/c he is disabled) but he is an adult, too, and needs to take responsiblity for cleaning the house as well. 

I created a "cleaning schedule" for our house and it has worked out really well for us.  One difference with us is that I also do all the lawn care, since DH is unable to.  I made a list of "daily chores" and "weekly chores" as well as things to be done once a month.  It really has helped and I'd be happy to share it with you if you'd like. 

 

KittahMama

We don't have a chore wheel or anything but DH handles bills, trash, lawn, litterboxes and helps with laundry and dishes.  He even cooks sometimes.

He also helps occupy LO while I get ready or cook dinner.

I bath LO and change her 99% of the time.  I cook, clean up, laundry mostly, taxes, errands, shopping, etc. pretty much everything else.  I even handle getting cars taken in though he tells me when they need it.

I'd say we are pretty even right now but I informed him soon he has to help more with LO like baths and stuff because I am getting too big and it hurts to bend over that much.  He's fine with it. 

Good luck.  My best friend and her husband have issues because it's the opposite.  She'll let dishes pile up for a week if he doesn't say or do them himself and he gets to aggravated.  She'd rather do other things is her excuse??

bellevuebride07

I hate, hate, hate asking DH to do stuff.  I feel like he is an adult and should  be able to open his eyes and see what needs to be done.  He unfortunetly does not see it that way.  He claims that he doens't notice or whatever.  He swears that it does not bother him if I ask him to do things.  So I basically make him lists (which would send me through the roof if he did that to me) and he does whatever is on the list.  This is what works for us at the moment.

mag2point0

I am having this exact same problem right now. DH does the dishes, but sometimes acts annoyed that he has to do them. We used to have everything split up pretty evenly around the house until DD was born. I feel like I took on almost all of her care including nursing and pumping, etc. I actually wrote down a list of daily, weekly and as needed tasks to try and discuss it with him, but he just kind of missed the point. I'm probably going to have to be more direct, but I'm feeling too worn out for an argument.

Jessica&Brett

escape1st:

I could have written this post 6 months ago!  You shouldn't be doing everything. Since my DH is disabled and is at home all the time I was a walking ball of anger when I got home from work and nothing would be clean/done.  We even send DS to a sitter part-time, so there was no excuse for DH's lack of cleaning.  I finally talked to him about it and told him that I shouldn't have to ask him to do dishes, wipe the table, etc. I don't expect him to do everything (and he can't b/c he is disabled) but he is an adult, too, and needs to take responsiblity for cleaning the house as well. 

I created a "cleaning schedule" for our house and it has worked out really well for us.  One difference with us is that I also do all the lawn care, since DH is unable to.  I made a list of "daily chores" and "weekly chores" as well as things to be done once a month.  It really has helped and I'd be happy to share it with you if you'd like. 

 

I would love if you could share this with me! We have issues at my house with the division of chores as well! My email is brettandjess at gmail dot com

Jessica&Brett

Sorry, duplicate!

johnandkristin

Jessica&Brett:

escape1st:

I could have written this post 6 months ago!  You shouldn't be doing everything. Since my DH is disabled and is at home all the time I was a walking ball of anger when I got home from work and nothing would be clean/done.  We even send DS to a sitter part-time, so there was no excuse for DH's lack of cleaning.  I finally talked to him about it and told him that I shouldn't have to ask him to do dishes, wipe the table, etc. I don't expect him to do everything (and he can't b/c he is disabled) but he is an adult, too, and needs to take responsiblity for cleaning the house as well. 

I created a "cleaning schedule" for our house and it has worked out really well for us.  One difference with us is that I also do all the lawn care, since DH is unable to.  I made a list of "daily chores" and "weekly chores" as well as things to be done once a month.  It really has helped and I'd be happy to share it with you if you'd like. 

 

I would love if you could share this with me! We have issues at my house with the division of chores as well! My email is brettandjess at gmail dot com

 Me too! My email is khurst11 at gmail dot com.

Brougham7-15-06

escape1st:

I could have written this post 6 months ago!  You shouldn't be doing everything. Since my DH is disabled and is at home all the time I was a walking ball of anger when I got home from work and nothing would be clean/done.  We even send DS to a sitter part-time, so there was no excuse for DH's lack of cleaning.  I finally talked to him about it and told him that I shouldn't have to ask him to do dishes, wipe the table, etc. I don't expect him to do everything (and he can't b/c he is disabled) but he is an adult, too, and needs to take responsiblity for cleaning the house as well. 

I created a "cleaning schedule" for our house and it has worked out really well for us.  One difference with us is that I also do all the lawn care, since DH is unable to.  I made a list of "daily chores" and "weekly chores" as well as things to be done once a month.  It really has helped and I'd be happy to share it with you if you'd like. 

 

could you please send it to me as well? joannakduc@zoomtown.com

We have the same issues at our house, and there are frequent arguments over it, but despite that nothing much has changed.  It is not that DH doesn't do anything, he just isn't consistent.  It is also frustrating that when I ask him what "chores" were done today, he refers to feeding the kids/cleaning up the kids/feeding the dog etc...those are NOT chores, those are necessary things to be done.  He also says that he did dishes or laundry simply by running the dishwasher or putting laundry in the washer...sure that is easy, folding it and putting it away is a part of that chore.

a little bitter am I?

doodlebug914

Could I have the list as well? nursegabbard@gmail.com

Superchicy

I have honestly almost posted this so many times.  DH does lawn care, takes out the trash, supposedly does the dishes but only about half the time, and his own laundry, and I do pretty much the rest.  I get fed up and quit doing things, and then our house pretty much implodes and it takes 10 times as long to clean back up.  I have been working on a chore chart but I honestly don't think it's going to fix the problem (I have a feeling he will just ignore it).  We probably are going to be having a come-to-Jesus talk here soon, I can't take the mess in the house anymore and can't do it all on my own. 

teacherjess

Ahh, glad I am not the only one. I always imagine everyone else's household running all smoothly with their husbands picking up every night, cleaning the bathrooms, and putting their clothes away, while my DH can't even manage to get his dirty clothes two feet away into the hamper.

I hate fighting about it, because he always turns it on me-- "Well, I am the one who watches her while you cook," or he just shuts down and won't talk about it (which makes me think he knows...). But the worst is that he just doesn't care. Christmas lights still up? Who cares, it's not like we're lighting them. Trash wasn't taken out, so it didn't get picked up? No big deal, we'll just buy a new trash can to fill for the week. House is filthy? Well, no one sees it but us. Honestly, it's driving me crazy.

DRockH

OOo we are having the same issue! Glad we arent the only ones... I have come to the point where i just hired someone to clean the house and it forces us to help her. Its worked out great, but in between is drama...

april hurak at gmail dot com