I need to vent a little..
I posted a little while ago about BD and the lovely things he's put me through. At this point, I've accepted he's done with me. You know, it really sucks. I loved him a whole lot, but I guess I just have to get over it.
I've really, really been trying to get him on board to figure out how the he!l to co-parent successfully, and provide the most stable environment for DS. He agreed with me that DS needs to come first in this, and that counseling would be a good idea just so we can at least be friends and do right by our son.
However, since then, he's basically pretended like neither of us exists. He refuses to talk to me about anything. I'm so frustrated. At this point, I just want him to be C's dad. I would love it if we could work out custody issues without going through the process of fighting over it in court. Or, if he really doesn't give a sh!t about DS, if he'd just sign custody over to me.
For a little while, we were talking, and things seemed good. We could have an adult conversation without arguing, and he'd get on the phone and talk to DS, which DS loves! But then apparently overnight, he changed his mind.
I don't even know what to do. I'm setting up an appointment with a lawyer to see what the heck I even CAN do. It's all so overwhelming. This behavior from BD came out of nowhere, and I am still reeling from the shock of it. Why is it he can be perfectly adult and civil one day, and then act like an immature piece of sh!t the next? And how the heck am I supposed to handle all this without exploding? I had really severe PPD, and even being medicated hasn't fully eliminated that with everything else that's gone on. I have been so stressed out that my milk supply has completely tanked, and I can barely nurse DS. I'm on every friggin' supplement I could think of to boost it back up, and eating every food that's even mildly supposed to increase supply, and I'm still barely producing anything.
Add to this, that BD convinced me to be a SAHM when we had DS, because we couldn't afford daycare, and we both thought it would be better to have me taking care of him while he's little than strangers at a daycare. So now, I have no job, am trying to make it without child support, because we haven't been to court for that yet, and he refuses to even talk about helping, and I'm trying to keep my head above water while going to school full time. I'm inches from failing my classes, and I am so stressed.
Someone please tell me that it gets better. And that I'm going to make it through this. Because right now, I'm doing it totally alone, and it sucks. I'm so overwhelmed, and I keep spending nights curled up crying because I just don't know what to do.
Re: I need to vent a little..
It gets better. I still have days where EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong, the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I just want to curl in a hole, but then I look at my sweet little B and all that melts away, if only for an instant. When everything is going wrong, cuddle with your LO-they are amazing little blessings!
THIS! My LO isn't here yet, but when I get over whelmed and start to lose sight of what's important, I just fold her clothes, (again) and think of 3 specific things that make my life happier. Write them down if you have to! Also, leave yourself little inspirational notes around your home, such as, I am an amazing mother!