Parenting after 35

are you where you thought you'd be?

M.Amy's post got me thinking about where you start out vs. where you end up.  If anyone had told me 10 years ago that I'd be living in San Diego (I'm a Seattle area native), married to a great guy and loving being a mama at 38, I would have thought they were BSC.  (Geography aside, I didn't think I wanted kids and hadn't found a guy worth keeping yet).  What about you?  Are you where you thought you'd be 10 years ago?      
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Re: are you where you thought you'd be?

  • No and yes.

    10 years ago, I thought I'd be a "lifer" working for Prentice Hall Publishers (my former employer) and happy with that thought.  Then the company was sold from Viacom to Pearson Education and my division was dissolved and all 80+ employees (including me) were laid off.  So I've been working for my family business ever since and now that's failing... so I have no idea what job to look for now.

    That being said, 10 years ago, I was feeling pretty down (though not as bad as the prior year, when I was treated for Depression) about my chances of finding a husband or having a child. So in that respect, my dreams came true and I found someone who understands me and have a wonderful child. 

    Hopefully in the next 10 years, DH and I will get back on track (re: jobs/savings) and we'll be where we want to be.


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  • I'm happy to say that I think I'm better off than I thought I'd be.  Ten years ago I was pretty much married to my job, not that I loved it or anything, but it was the only thing I really put a lot of effort into and I pretty much defined myself by my performance at work.  I still had a terrible case of unrequited love for my best friend in college and thought that "someday" he would finally realize we were meant for each other (despite the fact he never came to that conclusion in the prior 6 years!).

    Now, if I try to imagine what my life would have been like if he ever HAD decided he returned my feelings, it is almost impossible - I know now we would NEVER have worked out as a couple.  My DH is the perfect guy for me, although 10 years ago I am sure I wouldn't have known or appreciated that.  And having two amazing children - life is pretty great!! 

    Eleanor Paige, born 3/27/08 Noah Christopher, born 10/2/10 Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • I am where I thought I'd be geographically and personally, but nowhere near where I thought I'd be professionally. I thought I'd be a history professor, researcher or book editor but instead I spent my whole working life as an administrative lackey and now I'm a SAHM.
  • You had me at San Diego!  That's my dream city to live in, if I can ever afford it someday...

    10 years ago I was married to DH and living here in Tahoe so not much has changed but no way did I think he'd ever agree to having a baby!

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  • Career and marriage wise I'm where I thought I would be, but I never in a million years thought I would be a mom x2.
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    DD#1 - January 2008
    DD#2 - September 2010
  • Yes... and no... I'm living in a city where I could have seen myself. I ended up marrying the guy who lived across the hall from me my freshman year in college. This would have been a surprise 10 years ago.

    Career-wise, I have had some ups and downs. I've been laid off twice in the past two years, but I'm trying to get that back on track.

    Also, I had some major medical problems when I was younger. Doctors told me I might have trouble getting pregnant, but that didn't end up being the case!


  • Not-at-all! I thought I was done having children.  My kids are 15, 18 and 23 and I left my company last year and was focusing on my writing and film career with a move to Cali next year.  That has all changed but am very excited now about my LO.
  • I am so boring.  I live in the same county, married to the same guy I was 10 years ago.  The only difference is I did not think it would take 10 years to get pregnant. 
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  • I would have been thrilled with my career, but petrified that I don't yet have children.  Had I known then that I would be childless at this age I would have whored it up a few months before the bar exam. 

    My bad marriage derailed my baby plans, but things are back on track if only this is just a delay . . . 

  • I am in such a better place than I thought I'd be! Ten years ago I was in a very unhappy marriage, struggling with infertility, working 60+ hours a week in retail management and convinced that the best of life was behind me. I can very clearly remember thinking that unless one of us died (me or the ex) things would be the exact same for the rest of our lives.

    Never in a million years could I have imagined a husband who loves and appreciates me, our miracle baby, two amazing career changes, a new city and a return of the joy of living. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to where I thought I'd be now, this is sooo much better!

  • Nope, and thank goodness.

    I am sooo much happier now! 

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  • Yes and no.

    I am still married and living in Colorado but I thought I would be a high-level executive with a large team.  Instead I got pregnant and jumped off the executive track and onto the mommy track.

    And I am so much happier!!

  • How timely, right after my 40th birthday where I was of course thinking about these questions.

    10 years ago I was with my ex-boyfriend but we were having issues and I went back to Austria for my 30th birthday. I was toying with the idea of moving back although I had just moved to San Francisco (from London). I was not thinking about the future a lot but I pictures myself in Vienna, working in management consulting (as I was at that time) and definitely childless, and unmarried, just dating. Five years later I met DH and everything changed...for the better! 

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  • Careerwise, yes.

    Speaking of personal life, I was a mom of 1 and unhappily married to my ex. I was thinking at the time that if I stay in that marriage then in 10 years I would regret not trying to give myself another chance. I also thought that if I do get divorced then I wasn't sure if I would meet the right guy in the future. I finally chose the unknown and now I have 2 more kids, married to the great guy and doing so much better financially than I did 10 years ago.


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  • rsd12rsd12 member

    Sort of.  I was dating my now husband so I knew I was going to end up with him ; ) & did not want children until I met him. 

    Did not think we would ever move back to Connecticut (I have family issues here) & for the most part love it here now.  I have great friends & family that are in our lives.

    I always figured I would have a boy & a girl like everyone else ; ) But after having two boys, I realized that I did not feel complete & wanted to try for one more child (did not matter sex). 

    I never imagined I would be a stay at home mom (not by choice originally) & most days I love having this opportunity (today is not one of them).  This has probably changed my life the most, living on a budget.. but right now it is worth it to be home with my boys.

    Boy 1 2/06 - Boy 2 12/07 - Boy 3 9/09
  • Lurker stepping out....

    Ten years ago I was determined to be single for a LONG time after finally ending a long relationship.  Little did I know that I was only a couple of months away from meeting DH.  Careerwise, I would have been a little surprised but not shocked by where I've ended up; it's been a pretty logical and positive path.  However, I was living in the southeast and thought I didn't want kids at all.  If I could have seen a snapshot of life now, where I'm married and living in the Seattle area with an 18-mth-old, I would have been very surprised and confused about how I got here.  I wonder if the same will be true for where I am 10 years from now; guess time will tell.

    Oh, and if you had told me how completely DD would change my life and my outlook on things, I would have totally rolled my eyes at you and said no way; not me.  :)

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  • I always hated the question - where do you want to be in 5, 10 years? - because I avoided thinking about it.  I didn't want to pigeonhole myself but at the same time, I feel like I've gotten no where with my job/career.  I've taken lateral roles, never advancing out of fear, lack of confidence, lack of opportunity or whatever.  In terms of kids and marriage, I'm about where I thought I'd be.  I just wish I could stop floundering in my career and do something that excites me.
  • Yes and some ways, this is so much better than I would have imagined 10 years ago.  And in others, not as good - but I know I'll get there (maybe another 10 years - lol).
  • Yes, in terms of being happily married and having a wonderful son. 10 yrs ago DH and I still hadn't met and I was dating a-holes left and right, wondering if I would ever meet a nice guy for a change. I was happy at my job but a little immature so I took many things for granted and didn't appreciate what I had. In the past 10 years many things have happened: I met DH, changed jobs a few times (either by choice or layoffs - I've been through 2), moved to Florida, opened a business, closed the business, had a couple more jobs, had LO, then moved to San Antonio, and now have a nice part-time job that I really enjoy.

    No, in the sense that I was hoping to have 2 kids by now and that's not looking too good. I'm already 40 and will be 41 in the summer and we're not even TTC yet. DH is not on board and I'm not sure if he will be in time. After I turn 41 I don't know if I'll want to have a child anymore... I worry more and more about infertility, miscarriage and birth defects as each month goes by. I'm a little depressed about that right now. DH thinks I'll get pg in a second and that's why he doesn't mind waiting. But that's not the case, it took us a little over a year to conceive (with the right timing each month), so who knows what will happen now.

    Also, 10 years ago I thought we would be better off financially. We lost our Florida condo to short sale and we have NO assets except a few thousand dollars in our 401Ks. No real estate, no stocks, no paid-for cars, nothing. So in that sense I'm also a little depressed. And yeah, we really shouldn't have another child with this financial picture, but I do want one more.

    Things are looking better now that I'm working, but yesterday I learned that my supervisor is looking for another job and might leave. So then I could either have her position full-time or be jobless again. I really don't want to work FT at this point (we could use the money but my heart breaks to put LO in daycare all week) but if she leaves I probably won't be able to stay part-time.

    I just wish things could stay stable for at least a year, you know? I'm tired of moving, changing jobs, starting all over again, being broke. Just one more year of everything being good and quiet would be great, ugh. 

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
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