H's friends suck, it's not my fault and I refuse to suffer! VENT

nursebecca79

Ok, it's really his friends wives that suck. A bit of background:

H has 3 or 4 buddies he went to college with that he considers close friends. One is married to a girl I really like (they just had a little girl 1 month ago). Two of them are married to sisters. The fourth is a girl that really isn't that bad, but she always has drama (messy divorce, new boyfriend) and only calls any one of them if she needs something and is also a devout follower of the sisters.

The sisters. A mixture of stepford wives and "the plastics" from that movie mean girls. The older sister was a titan's cheerleader (almost 8 years ago) and she has trouble letting go of this golden era in her life (que the GIANT self portrait of herself in uniform hanging in the living room). She also lived in California for a year to pursue her acting career (She was a body double in one movie for a shower scene for a 12 year old). Her younger sister, is a predators (NHL) ice girl. Has some of the same me, me, me, issues as older sis, but at least is able to hold conversations about something other than herself. Even if they are limited to what someone else is wearing or what car they own. The only thing I really know about these girls is what day they wash their hair.

It is truly painful to spend time with them. I think the older sis is the worst. I have to hear about all the jerks that take waaaay too much time getting in and out of the spray tan booth, thus making her late for he nail appointment. And she is just going to HAVE to cut back to 2 days a week at work (works for her mom book keeping) so that she can have a day to herself. She has a 6 year old son (aka Satan's gatekeeper) that simply exhausts her. 

The first time the "group" met their friend's wife (the one I like), they were such BITCHES to her. And they talked about how big her nose is and how other women he dated were SO much prettier. They even tried to set him up with other women. They did not hide their disapproval of her at all, and made her very uncomfortable. Then, after this couple gets hitched and they announce they are having a baby, these people want to throw them a shower. She told me that she didn't want to be involved, but didn't know how to say no and she really wanted her H to have something with his buddies. She's classy enough to overlook how petty they are. The whole evening was uncomfortable, but she was a trooper. Not sure how she was able to achieve such grace 3 weeks from her due date.  Every time I am near them, I want to blow my brains out.

H is aware of all of this. Now, our baby is due in June (obvious by where I'm posting) and my friends called me this weekend and want to have a cookout/shower for us. Nothing fancy, this is our first baby together but we both have kids from a previous marriage. They were thinking more like a party for our families and friends with beer/drinks and lots of good food as soon as the weather gets warm. H and I are really excited. We were putting together guest/address list as requested. During this, one of the stepford wives/plastics replies with her address and states the she and the other plastics want to throw a beer and diaper shower. To which I reply, "Tell her thanks so much, but that's why we wanted their address, to invite them to one.". H wants to let them do it anyway, I get the impression they are being pushy.

I REFUSE. H thinks I'm being difficult. "What's the big deal?, Just let them do it, they want to". NO. I'm really not trying to be a witch here. First, we are already inviting everyone to the first shower. Second, this isn't a first baby (I'm not saying you can't have more than one shower, but I just don't want to). Third, they are invited! It's not like they won't be included, so it's just silly to do something separate. We also don't have a lot of free time b/t now and baby b/c H works a lot of weekends.

H thinks this isn't fair b/c "We never do things with them". Not true.I take one for the team occasionally and hang out with these people. Birthday dinners, the random couple cookout and such. He can hang with the guys anytime. They just played golf  last weekend. He can go get a beer anytime. Doesn't mean I have to be stuck to his hip and suffer. I don't think I'm being unreasonable or rude. I really think I'd feel the same way about a second "shower" if it were anyone else wanting to host. I'm trying to find a way to bow out without hurting H's feelings (I don't mind telling the plastics no, hate it for 'em). He wanted me to "just think about it" and talk to him about it this weekend. I dread the conversation.

That was super long, thanks for letting me went. Here's an imaginary giant beer for listening. I know I need one.

 

sunshine336

Those ladies sound really petty- sorry you have to deal with them.  Why do they want to throw you a shower so bad anyway?  Are they trying to show off how good they are at it?

MissMommyMac

Yikes they sound exhausting to be around!

nursebecca79

It is my belief that hosting the shower gives them a heady combo of attention/control. The elder evil sis also has a brand new house (which is really large and nice) that she is probably dying to show off.

ericav1011

If at any time in your life, it is especially now when you have every right to want to surround yourself with positive people. It just doesn't seem, based on your description of them, that their intentions are genuine. You're also talking about "friends" here, not family, so the let down should be a little easier....Just a No Thanks! should suffice. I can completely relate to trying to make the best out of a friendship with the spouse of DH's friend and it just not working out in the end. There are times when you can be civil and sacrifice for the sake of your DH especially if his friendships are important to him, and the other times when something has to be said! I hope you and DH get the most out of that "most dreaded conversation". Good luck and stay strong ;-).

DuckDuckGoose123

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, what an awkward situation.  I have a coworker who's like this - she has to plan EVERY baby shower in the office, even if someone else (ahem, a couple of times me) has already started planning one.  She takes over and doesn't mention that others were involved, so she gets all the compliments for throwing a nice shower.  I think it's attention-seeking behavior.

In your position, I'd refuse as well.  You're having a shower already and inviting them, why have a second?  Plus, would the guest list be different?  You don't want to invite the same people to multiple showers.  Maybe you could use that as a rationale with your husband.  And if you're willing to be pushy with them, I'd say talk to them yourself - thank them for wanting to do it but tell them your dear friends (ham that up, haha) are already planning you one and you'd love if they could make it.  If they're pushy, I'd repeat what you said here about this not being your first child and you not wanting to have multiple showers.  

I hate when people throw parties like this to show off rather than as a nice gesture to the guest of honor.  It's so tacky.

Birdies08

There is nothing wrong with declining a shower, even without the long list of reasons you have for doing so!

I wish I had advice for getting YH on your side, but stay strong. All you need to do is politely decline and move on