Daddy to be - weird reaction

shinycheryl

My boyfriend and I have been TTC for about 6 months and got a positive test result on Saturday.  For the past 48 hours he has been distant and picking fights.  Up until yesterday he had the baby bug much more than I did and couldn't wait.  The first thing he said when I told him I took a test and it was positive - was that he was wary and that we'd have to wait to see "if it sticks".  He's busied himself with his 4 year old daughter since, taking her to play at his friends and to movies - and hasn't mentioned it once. I've spent the weekend home alone. 
I'm confused and heartbroken.  I told him it hurt my feelings, he turned it around on me.  Any ideas?? 

LauraLynneC

sheer panic - even for the most carefully planned out pregnancies.  For most men, a pregnancy doesn't seem very real at first.  I know my DH assumed that it was a "clump of cells" until our first ultrasound at 13 weeks.  He was astounded at the images of a little baby in there - kept saying things like "it's got ARMS!  It's got Legs!  Is that it's SPINE?!"

It's not a reality - it's a HUGE step in responsibility and accountibility for them. 

TRY not to take it personally.  It's not personal.  There might be some leftover baggage from his last experience (I'm assuming the 4 year old is his child, not yours?).  Give him the time and space for now and I bet he comes around. 

There's really not much else you CAN do unfortunately.  Meanwhile, try and relax, you're growing a baby now and need your rest!

alliapistor

Have you had a previous loss?  Or has he had a loss with a prior partner?

I ask because my DH acted this way with this pregnancy and we had a loss last summer.  He blew off my BFP like it was nothing and generally was a Debbie Downer and didn't really start to get excited and comfortable with the idea until after the second ultrasound and really not until after our NT scan.  For us, I think he didn't want to get attached and get his hopes up only to have another loss.

You have to try to get him to talk about what's going on.  Is he really concerned that the baby won't "stick" or is he second guessing having a child all together.

I'm sorry that you didn't get the reaction you wanted.

 

SoBlessed2011

Congratulations!!!! Sorry for his weird reaction.  I agree with the ladies.. for men it usually not real until they see the ultrasound, hear the heartbeat and see your belly growing... Take it easy and do not take it personal.  Enjoy being pregnant! GL

iahlgren

My husband has been weirdly freaked out too, even though the baby was planned. I don't think he'll feel better until he sees the baby. It came out this weekend that he is really worried that the baby will turn out ugly, not very smart, etc., and he's afraid he won't be able to love the kid unless it is perfect! (Frankly, I'll love the kid no matter what, and I'm pretty sure he will too.)  I'm just gonna give him some time to work through his issues.

Pearly609

I'm not sure what it is, but alot of men having thoughts that they don't know how to express verbally.  And pregnancy scares the Bejesus out of them.  I know with my 1st marriage, my husband was very distant at times and would pick silly arguements.  I agree with LauraLynn, try not to take it personally which is hard, but take in the moments of your pregnancy.  Maybe after he see's the u/s it'll be more real to him.  I know it was for me and I'm carrying the LO.

shinycheryl

Thank you everyone!!  I did finally get him to talk a little - and he's got a lot going on in that head of his!  I think we both have the same fears and worries, hopeully after he sees the u/s or we get a little further into the preganancy his anxietly will ease up a bit and he can enjoy this more. 

I do feel better- and I'm letting him have his space to panic and let it all sink in

paula71h

same situation for me, my dh said he is freaked out about having another 1, he has a 17 yr old son and had a bad time with him and his wife at the time and they split up when his son was 2.  So i think he thinks its gona be the same, he worked 2 jobs back then and stil came home at 11 and was handed the baby an most nights fell asleep feeding him, his ex also had post natal depression and would pick fights al the time. He also feels he had his son when he was 19 and hasnt realy had a life cos hes been struggling to pay alot of child support and lived in a 1 bedroom apt away from family so he could be near the baby.

anyways il just keep ploding on an see how it goes, he was looking at the scan monitor and saying omg its gt ur tiny nose lol and he had tears in his eyes.