Vent: I'm getting defensive about my BFing... (long)

BabyGsMom

I'm so over unsolicited advice about feeding my baby.  DH and I took LO to a friend's house last night to have some adult time.  There were two women there who made me feel a little attacked about my choice to 1) breastfeed at all and 2) feed on demand.  I'm sorry; my child is two and a half weeks old - I'm not that worried that we're still working out a routine/learning each other.  

One of the women thought it was weird that LO doesn't sleep through the night yet.  "Mine STTN from the very beginning.  I wonder what it is you're doing wrong."  She seemed to think it was because I was BFing.  I wanted to ask her if she slipped her kid Benadryl in his formula.  I'm pretty sure it's more common for them NOT to STTN at 2.5 weeks than it would be if he was already sleeping from 10:30pm-6:30am like she said he should.  I would be freaking out checking his breathing to make sure he was still alive if my newborn was sleeping 8 hours straight.  Crazy Lady #1 prompted Crazy Lady #2 to really go to town on me.

#2 heard this entire conversation about LO not STTN yet and asked "Oh, he's two weeks old?  You should start him on rice cereal with formula."  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.   This woman started to tell me about how her child wouldn't STTN, so she'd mix 1 tablespoon of rice cereal to each ounce of formula to "keep her stomach fuller longer".  That poor baby.  My friend who knows these Crazy Ladies told me later that #2's baby was the most constipated baby she'd ever met.  She said the bottle was so full of thick formula/rice that the mom had to cut bigger holes in the nipples to get the baby to get anything and then the baby would scream in pain forever after each feeding because she was so uncomfortable.  I don't knock anyone's decision or necessity to use formula for LO and I'm not saying I will refuse to feed LO rice cereal or anything but breastmilk before 6 months because I think every baby is different and some are ready for food other than milk earlier than others.  But OMG I'm not ready to shove rice cereal into my baby just yet.  Stop telling me I'll sleep more if I make him take real food now.  I expected to lose sleep once LO got here; I'm not willing to sacrifice his comfort for my own.

Separate from these crazies but still related to BFing, I'm tired of every woman I know critiquing the way I BF my baby.  We've had to use a nipple shield from the very beginning (my nipples are too big for his mouth and as soon I pull off the shield, they flatten anyway).  Please stop asking me if I've tried without the shield yet - I try without it at least once a day and he just can't nurse that way.  Also, it's okay if I don't use the football hold all the time.  It's okay if I don't rub his ears the whole time to stimulate his eating.  I don't have to switch breasts when you tell me it's time.  

Please leave me alone.  We're doing what works for us.  He's gaining beautifully and is perfectly healthy.  

MonaLS

I wish all the unsolicited advice-givers would go away.  I have people I trust and ask for advice from.  If I haven't asked you for advice, I am not interested in your opinions! I seem to know a lot of "parenting experts" too.  I actually plan on skipping the rice cereal all together b/c I don't see what the benefits of it are and think it's just empty calories.

starsmaycollide

Those people are rude idiots. And I don't believe Lady #1 for a second! lol. 

Don't let this get to you too much, you're doing what's best for you. But I don't blame you for needing to vent! 

Danalyn13

Ummm....I would tell these b*tches to STFU! Sounds like you are doing everything right and you know what's best for your baby. These ladies are clearly crazy and  have no idea how to care for a newborn. I feel bad for their children!

jhmeans

MonaLS:

I wish all the unsolicited advice-givers would go away.  I have people I trust and ask for advice from.  If I haven't asked you for advice, I am not interested in your opinions! I seem to know a lot of "parenting experts" too.  I actually plan on skipping the rice cereal all together b/c I don't see what the benefits of it are and think it's just empty calories.

i agree

Angel5218

I would had told these ladies off! Lady number 1 is a liar for starters and lady number 2 is a selfish b!tch for force-feeding her child cereal so that she can get her full nights rest. Maybe you shouldn't of had children if you weren't ready for the sleepless nights.

I EBF also and I get my share of snide comments and I tell them all to mind their business. That or I ask them where they got their medical degrees from because clearly they seem to know more then my pedi does. (I tend to get a lot of dirty looks by asking this but I don't care).

You are doing everything right. You are suppose to feed on demand at this time. Heck DS will be 3 months soon and he still feeds on demand. And I will not be giving him anything other then my milk before 6 months of age, they don't need it before then so long as they are growing like they should be.

Uck sorry this is getting me all p!ssed off. I have bumped into a few women who gave me the same advise and I just told them how I felt sorry for their babies. I am not about to be nice to ignorant people like that who clearly are being completely selfish and do not have their childrens best interest at heart.

I am not against formula feeding either so I don't want people to get the wrong idea. It isn't for me but I will not look down at people who decide to formula feed. I do look down on people who fill their formula with rice cereal just so they "stay fuller longer". 

K rant over, I am surprised you didn't slap these women. 

Strunella

Sometimes you just have to smile and nod your head yes.  I don't even bother with people and their opinions.  My mom fed me cereal at 2 weeks because I was always hungry.  She says LO is hungry and BFing isn't giving him enough food.  That's why he cries a lot.  Funny, I thought he cries because he's a baby. 

Don't worry about those kooks!  Sounds like you're doing just fine.

 

DaniDuran

STTN at two weeks?! Are you kidding me?! My LO is 2 1/2 months and we are not there yet!!!

Rice cereal...sounds like my MIL. I told her the pedi said no and that's it. DS is pretty chunky as it is and does not need any rice cereal to fatten him up, even if it would make him sleep better. Oh, and my MIL also thinks he should be SSTN now by now. Oh well!

 

 

LordValuemart

Oh lawdy, looks to me like you ran into a couple of complete loonies, I've had some random old lady at a restaurant tell me that DS was too skinny and I needed to start loading his formula up with rice cereal to make him gain weight. She also got onto me because he was in a jacket (Keep in mind I live in Kansas, and it's friggin February for crying out loud) and said he'd be roasting once we got outside (Really lady? It was 50 degrees outside and DS is going to be hot because he's in a hoodie?) This lady was also just randomly passing by my table, I kindly told her that my pediatrician says he's doing amazingly well, that he's really muscular for his age, and that I trusted my pedi to tell me if I needed to change his diet in any way shape or form. I too fully intend to wait until he's 6 months before I start on the regular food, the ONLY person who has ANY right to convince me otherwise is a licensed pediatrician.

TBLilyRose

Wow. Just wow. They sound nuts.

drea_raye

I think your LO needs a few of these...

https://www.cafepress.ca/+unsolicited_advice_onesie,342540827

Both those ladies are bsc... everything they said goes against everything I have heard medical professionals say... guess who I am going to believe?

bethandjoe09

OMG, I would have been p!ssed!  And that poor baby.  If my kid was screaming after every feeding, I'd be high tailing it to the pedi to figure out WTF was wrong.

It sounds to me like you are doing great.  Don't let these people get to you.  DS is two *months* old and is still fed on demand and isn't STTN yet.  My mom keeps asking, but he'll STTN when he's ready - I hear it takes some babies a couple of months longer than this, so I have no problems with what he's doing.

IncogNeato

Sheesh. Did it never occur to them that maybe most 2 week olds don't STTN because they aren't supposed to (in general) and trying to artificially stuff them with rice cereal is not a solution? Ew!

Next time I would just tell them that everything you've read and heard from your pedi is different from their advice so you'll keep doing what you're doing.

So annoying.

laceysmom82

So sorry, that really sucks!  I'm glad you didnt let them get to you too much, best thing I do is just ignore it.  They are idiots!

vllybll078

Um...yeah if I was in your shoes those crazies would've gotten a swift karate kick to the face!

I hate people who think just because they've had a baby, held a baby, known someone who had a baby, etc. they know all the inner workings of baby raising. Sometimes I wish life had a 'mute' button for certain people.