Kids playing with others from different socio-economic levels

M.Amy

Maybe I am "progressive" but I want Matt to grow up understanding that not every child has a nanny or lives in a neighborhood with mansions.  99% of my neighbors are very wealthy.  DH and I own the smallest house on the street and are NOT wealthy.  The reason I am upset over this was an interaction with a neighbor.

Recently a couple with a 15 month old boy moved into one of the only rental properties. I mentioned to a neighbor how I was excited that Matt had another child to play with and she was horrified I would associate with people who rent.

She complained they drove a beat up car and she had some other non-relevant concerns over their worthiness to live on our street. I let her know that I welcomed the family whether or not they owned a home.

The preschool we are hoping Matt will go to is in our neighborhood but limits the number of higher-income families so that there is a wide diversity of kids that attend.

Every once and a while our housekeeper will bring her 2 year old to play with Matt and I think it is wonderful.  I hope Matt grows up appreciating people for who they are rather than what they have or where they live.

Thoughts?

 

Peppernut

Oh, man, did she really say that?  Yikes!

No real thoughts other than whoa, that's a snooty neighbor you have!  It reminds me of when the fires were a threat... My sister's neighbor, on Arapahoe, went on this rant about how the National Guard should be there and Boulder should be trying harder to protect them because "Don't they know how much these homes are worth?"

Wow.   

robynlesley

Gee... I guess that means (to your neighbor, not you) that Matty should never play with Aaron because we rented (and would rent if not at my family home) and therefore are not suitable to associate with.

I hope that Aaron won't even think about money or socioeconomic status. We'll never be rich, though I hope we'll be better off one day. My SIL IS wealthy and my nephews go to public school. (DH and his siblings went to private school.) 

stever

What the heck? That is an appalling attitude. And Amy's sister's neighbor? Crikey!

Don't those morons know that socio-economic status is fluid? We were on food stamps and medicare when I was born. My dad was born in an apple shack! Seriously!

Yeah, education does a family good.

I want the very best for Mikey and will helicopter parent like the neurotic, upper-middle class mother I am, but he's always going to remember where his family comes from as well as appreciating people for who they are not how much money they happen to have.

stever

Oh and we rent

Strunella

It's unfortunate that this woman thinks this way for several reasons.  First, she'll likely pass this way of thinking on to her children.   Secondly, her kids are going to miss out on some wonderful experiences meeting all kinds of people.  One's character, morals and values are far more important than what's in their wallet. 

SFAug07

Wow, this person must have some deep insecurities. How bizarre. I would never give it a second thought about somebody renting or owning and in fact I have no clue about the homeownership status of Sarah's friends, nor do I care.

amtaka

Strunella:

It's unfortunate that this woman thinks this way for several reasons.  First, she'll likely pass this way of thinking on to her children.   Secondly, her kids are going to miss out on some wonderful experiences meeting all kinds of people.  One's character, morals and values are far more important than what's in their wallet. 

Very well said.  I couldn't agree more.

I want Leah to appreciate people for what's inside their hearts not what's inside their wallets. 

Pesky

I totally agree.  The only standards I have for the kids my kids play with is that they are reasonably well-behaved and not violent or otherwise exhibiting worrisome negative behavior (beyond the norm).  That standard transcends socio-economic status -- you have a lot of poorly behaved rich kids and well-behaved poor kids and vice versa.  I think spending time with others of varying socio-economic levels helps with an attitude of appreciation for what they have and a sensitivity to the plight and limitations of others.

BTW, your neighbor is some piece of work...

carladillon

I was on the receiving end of this attitude once when I was younger and it was very painful. Rest assured people like this lady will not be part of Laney's friends. Amy - were you even able to respond after her comment? I was initially stunned into silence when I read it.

M.Amy

Peppernut:

My sister's neighbor, on Arapahoe, went on this rant about how the National Guard should be there and Boulder should be trying harder to protect them because "Don't they know how much these homes are worth?"

I heard the same thing. Someone said that "they wouldn't let the fire get these homes."  Like they have a choice!

M.Amy

carladillon:

I was on the receiving end of this attitude once when I was younger and it was very painful. Rest assured people like this lady will not be part of Laney's friends. Amy - were you even able to respond after her comment? I was initially stunned into silence when I read it.

I can't remember what I said exactly because I was surprised but it was just that I was going to give them the benefit of the doubt like I would anyone else and that we should be excited that the neighborhood was attracting young families.  The neighbor just shrugged.

M.Amy

Strunella:

It's unfortunate that this woman thinks this way for several reasons.  First, she'll likely pass this way of thinking on to her children.   Secondly, her kids are going to miss out on some wonderful experiences meeting all kinds of people.  One's character, morals and values are far more important than what's in their wallet. 

 Her kids are adults now. I only met her son who is a complete snob so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

M.Amy

robynlesley:

Gee... I guess that means (to your neighbor, not you) that Matty should never play with Aaron because we rented (and would rent if not at my family home) and therefore are not suitable to associate with.

I hope that Aaron won't even think about money or socioeconomic status. We'll never be rich, though I hope we'll be better off one day. My SIL IS wealthy and my nephews go to public school. (DH and his siblings went to private school.) 

I hope Matty and Aaron get the chance to play together some day!

Piranha54

interesting.  One of the daycares that a good friend's DS attends (and that was our 2nd choice) was just forced to split toddler class essn along socioeconomic lines by the Head Start program.  My friend was appalled and immediately withdrew her son.  So many of the other parents did the same that the facility ultimately decided to end their relationship with Head Start and re-integrate the toddler class.  What's really sad, is that while that facility could operate without the funds and therefore do what is I think most of us feel is better for the kids, there are so many facilitites that are dependent on Head Start $$, and this is apparently a national mandate.  Aren't there enough indicators of socio-economic status that kids will pick up on soon enough (air jordons or whatever the it items will be) or so we really need to be dividing daycare classes by who gets Head Start funds and who doesn't?!  And in her situation it essn also divided the class by race too.  Ugh.  Bangs head on desk.

racampbell1

M.Amy:

 I hope Matt grows up appreciating people for who they are rather than what they have or where they live.

I think this is the best gift you can give your child.  Truly.  I grew up REALLY poor.  No joke, we had nothing and I felt the sting of kids thinking they were better than me just because their parents happened to have more money all.the.time.  I'm a lawyer now and will be able to give Teagan a lot more than what I had (granted, we live in a very high cost of living area, so the $$ I make doesn't go nearly as far as it could elsewhere).  All that said, I don't think many things would make me sadder than to see her grow up thinking she's entitled, or "better than" ANYONE else, for any reason.  Good for you for having an open mind and heart. 

JillAly

I grew up in a very wealthy area and my family did well.  I knew a lot of people who had that horrible attitude.  I hated when people assumed that b/c you came from a nice area, you were "good people".  I've known kids of multi-millionaires that were selling cocaine - no different than a poor kid from the projects.  I've known caring, kind people who came from nothing and pulled themselves up by their bootstraps- in fact- I married a guy like that.  It's not where you come from - it's who you are on the inside and your values and it comes down to what parents teach their kids.

I feel bad for that woman's kids.  They will be the ones losing out in the long run. There is more to life than Prada bags and Laboutin pumps. 

 

Daisiesinmygarden

Yikes! What a horrible thing for your neighbor to say/think.

I always liked the saying, "money doesn't make the man, it jsut unmasks them". I'm not so sure that is a good thing in your neighbors case..

I hope you and your family and the new neighbors click and Matty scores a great new play buddy!

 

vanverth

This is one reason I am glad that I live in a small town.  There is only one primary school, one elementary school, one middle school and one high school.  There is no rich school or poor school.  I attended a private Catholic school and the only difference between the kids at my school and other schools were the drugs were better at my school. 

BTW, not from a rich family.  We never went on vacation because going to private school was more important to my parents. 

katieisawesome

Wow.  I'd actually think twice about letting my little girl spend time with HER child to be honest.

As someone who grew up poor and was a great kid and is now a great parent who deigns to raise my daughter in a (GASP!) rented APARTMENT (gasp AGAIN!) I would not want to associate with anyone who didn't want their kids to play with mine over something so stupid.

We actually fall toward the higher end of the income scale for where we live (trust me we are not rich lol) and I always encourage my daughter to befriend whoever she wants.  I had some great friends as a kid who made my life a lot better (it wasn't bad because I was poor, it was bad because I had a bad home life) and if their parents hadn't been willing to look past some of the issues, my life might have turned out a lot differently. 

oscarandlucy

That is absolutely horrible and smacks of new money and no class.

Who says stuff like that? Even more importantly, who believes that. I  grew up in DC and went to a private all girl's school - pretty much everyone I was around had money. In my experience, the people who really do not have as much as they like to pretend they do are the worst snobs. Those who are truly wealthy are not concerned with status symbols and class divisions.

Besides it is all relative. If nothing else our economy has not taught us that anyone's status can chance in an instant.

Your son is lucky to have a role model like you and I applaud your welcoming nature.