Question

Mrs.Greg

A co-worker of mine had her baby one week ago tomorrow, she was one day shy of 33 weeks.  She's gone home now but her little guy is in the NICU.  We were supposed to have her work baby shower this Friday but it's been cancelled, of course.  A bunch of us want to order some items from her registry and have them sent to her home.  But one of the women brought up a good point.  Do you think it will make her sad to get baby items when her baby isn't at home with her?  Should we wait until we know he's at home?  Any thoughts/advice would be great.  Thanks!

ahava2005

Why was the shower cancelled? She still had her baby.

Honestly, the most difficult thing for me were things like that:  people waiting to do showers or gifts because my babies were in the hospital.

They were still born.  Even if it was early, it was still a blessing.  I still wanted to celebrate and share.  To talk about them and to show pictures or stories.  To not have any acknowledgement was hurtful.  I really resented the fact that no one called to congratulate me, or didn't send anything (not that I wanted gifts, but I knew people weren't doing anything because the girls were born early).

Later I got some gifts when the girls got home, but it wasn't the same.  They were 2 months old at that point.   

 I would consider having the shower (or call her and ask what she would prefer) and I would definitely send a gift now. 

ShannonSky

ahava2005:

Why was the shower cancelled? She still had her baby.

Honestly, the most difficult thing for me were things like that:  people waiting to do showers or gifts because my babies were in the hospital.

They were still born.  Even if it was early, it was still a blessing.  I still wanted to celebrate and share.  To talk about them and to show pictures or stories.  To not have any acknowledgement was hurtful.  I really resented the fact that no one called to congratulate me, or didn't send anything (not that I wanted gifts, but I knew people weren't doing anything because the girls were born early).

Later I got some gifts when the girls got home, but it wasn't the same.  They were 2 months old at that point.   

 I would consider having the shower (or call her and ask what she would prefer) and I would definitely send a gift now. 

Yes! 

Mrs.Greg

ahava2005:

Why was the shower cancelled? She still had her baby.

Honestly, the most difficult thing for me were things like that:  people waiting to do showers or gifts because my babies were in the hospital.

They were still born.  Even if it was early, it was still a blessing.  I still wanted to celebrate and share.  To talk about them and to show pictures or stories.  To not have any acknowledgement was hurtful.  I really resented the fact that no one called to congratulate me, or didn't send anything (not that I wanted gifts, but I knew people weren't doing anything because the girls were born early).

Later I got some gifts when the girls got home, but it wasn't the same.  They were 2 months old at that point.   

 I would consider having the shower (or call her and ask what she would prefer) and I would definitely send a gift now. 

Thank you for your opinion. 

Well, one of my co-workers who is probably the closest to the gal who had her baby called her on Friday and asked if she could come by with some gifts from other people from the office, some people who aren't really that close to her but bought her something.  The new mom said she didn't really want to see anyone right now, she and her husband plan on spending a lot of time at the hospital with the baby.  The co-worker wanted to see if they wanted to come by the office to pick up the gifts after visiting with the baby (they live about 30 minutes from the office and the hospital is just around the corner from our office) but she didn't want to be too pushy.  That's when we thought about sending the gifts to her home.  As far as why the shower was cancelled, that was not my decision.  The co-worker who called her on Friday was putting it all together (sending out e-mails about time and location, not in charge of buying gifts, that is) and she just sent out an e-mail last week saying the shower was cancelled since the co-worker had her baby and had started her maternity leave. 

njdcgirl

Since her LO was just born, she still may be dealing with the shock of having them early and being in the NICU.  My LO was much earlier, and was very sick when born, and I know I didn't want anything to do with a shower for a long time afterwards.  I would take your cues from her - maybe wait a few weeks and hopefully she'll be feeling more up to celebrating then.  I would definitely try and reschedule the shower for a later date - or, if that is not an option, then send the gifts to her house.

ssg73

I would in the least send the gifts.  Our shower was scheduled for 3 weeks after E was born and we still had it.  It was hard to be away from the hospital but it was good to see everyone and have a break from the hospital.  I had friend who had a preemie who was very ill, she asked to have her shower after her baby came home from the hospital and it was such a celebration.  Also I never got a work shower and it was very hurtful that E's birth was not really celebrated.  In addition you may want to have a collection for them to help with expenses that nicu families have.  Things that are really helpful are gas cards, gift cards to restaurants and coffee places around the hospital, gift cards to whole foods.  Parents of a friend bought us groceries for weeks.  They picked up  prepared foods at whole foods, they baked chicken breasts for us, and got us lots of cheese and crakers and cut up fruit.  It was so helpful.  Also if they have pets or yard care it is always nice to not worry about those things.  My co-workers brought us meals which was also very nice.

witt0198

I haven't read through all of the replys so sorry if this is redundant, but our showers didn't happen until after he came home which was harder on us for a lot of reasond, but mainly I wanted to say it's hard to get ready for baby to come home, know what to buy and what not to buy when there's the possibility of lingring shower gifts out there.

LuckyMom0203

My baby was born at 26 weeks and I hadn't had my shower yet.  Most people around me wanted to hurry and give me the shower-- they had the best of intentions and wanted to be sure that this was still a celebratory occasion.  However,  putting on a happy face and showing up at a party when I just wanted to be at the hospital with my daughter was the last thing I wanted.  We were dealing with so many major things at the time (plus the shock and the emotional rollercoaster) that it just was not a good time and I couldn't care less about gifts.  

That said, when I did get my shower-- a week before Annabelle was discharged-- I was on cloud 9 and definitely in a party mood.  I agree with the previous poster-- go by your coworker's cues.  Give her some time to adjust to this and emotionally "catch up." 

Kate621

njdcgirl:

Since her LO was just born, she still may be dealing with the shock of having them early and being in the NICU.  My LO was much earlier, and was very sick when born, and I know I didn't want anything to do with a shower for a long time afterwards.  I would take your cues from her - maybe wait a few weeks and hopefully she'll be feeling more up to celebrating then.  I would definitely try and reschedule the shower for a later date - or, if that is not an option, then send the gifts to her house.

This exactly.

It may be different for a 33 weeker but when my 25 weeker was born I didn't want baby stuff around. I would definitely follow her cues.

shanlubey

My baby shower was last week, when Sam was 3 weeks old. I was so happy to be with friends and family. However, I'm still pretty upset that no one from work reached out to me, or even acknowledged that I had a child. One person I spoke with said he didn't want to upset me or get me depressed. Nothing has made me happier than knowing so many people care about me, DH and our boy. We're excited to be getting things together for him, and awaiting the day when he can come home. My son was also here about 7 weeks before hers, with some big hurdles to jump. Maybe once the shock wears off, she'll feel the same and be excited to celebrate at a shower with you all. 

I must add that I knew I would go early. I spent 7 weeks on bed rest knowing that he could come at any moment. If it were completely unexpected, she may have some additional feelings to get through and remember... the hormones right now. The hormones! She'll let you know when she's ready to have her shower. Just keep letting her know how much she means to all of you and how much you want to celebrate the arrival of her little one. 

mfisher123

LuckyMom0203:

My baby was born at 26 weeks and I hadn't had my shower yet.  Most people around me wanted to hurry and give me the shower-- they had the best of intentions and wanted to be sure that this was still a celebratory occasion.  However,  putting on a happy face and showing up at a party when I just wanted to be at the hospital with my daughter was the last thing I wanted.  We were dealing with so many major things at the time (plus the shock and the emotional rollercoaster) that it just was not a good time and I couldn't care less about gifts.  

That said, when I did get my shower-- a week before Annabelle was discharged-- I was on cloud 9 and definitely in a party mood.  I agree with the previous poster-- go by your coworker's cues.  Give her some time to adjust to this and emotionally "catch up." 

 

THIS. Had the same thing happen to me, and having the shower before DD was discharged allowed me time to pick up any last minute items I didn't get at the shower.

Terrim2009

My friends cancelled my shower also, and I was bummed so they re-instated it.  I do not think it will make her sad, it would be a nice distraction.  She'll need to get ready, because her baby will be home soon.