State of the marriage?

catycate

OK, ladies, we now all have outside babies- how is your marriage doing? Do you feel like it is stronger since the baby came along or are you struggling to find some sort of balance? For us, our pregnancy was a surprise, so we had a rather rushed wedding and then dealt with unemployment, so the whole 9 months took a toll on our young marriage. It feels like we got through everything relatively unscathed, though and our marriage feels pretty strong. It has been awesome watching my husband step into daddy mode and I really feel like we are a team in this adventure (less so at the 3 AM feeding, but...). We are settling into a routine where we both feel like we are equals in raising this kid and contributing to our relationship. While we haven't had sexy time yet (I'm only just over 2 weeks post partum), we have had some intimate moments where I feel on track in that arena as well.

had720

Throughout the pregnancy I felt our marriage got stronger and has continued since the birth of Sophee. God will always be what strenthens us and he has given a precious gift. I think we have both adjusted well to parenthood and it has effected out relationship in a negative way. We have grown in ways I think has surprised us. We now do for Sophee before anything and it comes automatic. I am 7 weeks PP and now that we have the physical intimacy going again it has been great. My DH has always been great with giving me emotional intimacy. Overall, Sophee arrival has brought us many blessings.

Mama_SAS

We've been married almost 8 years and this is our 2nd so we knew what to expect. I had c/s both times and DH took more time off this time knowing I would need the help, especially with my 4-year-old. He is amazing. It feels weird to say he's helpful - he's just Dad. He does his Dad part as much as I do my part as Mom. 

The one thing that is struggling is our nighttime routine, but I think that's normal. Sometimes when DD is asleep in the swing or bouncer one of us will crash on the couch rather than risk moving her. So we aren't going to bed together as often as we used to. We'll get back there though as we get to a better routine. 

We're also really good about knowing when the other one needs to take a break. Monday of this week both kids had a really rough day so when DH got home he "sent me to bed" and brought my dinner upstairs to me. I do the same for him when he has a rough day at work. 

erind0213

I see pros and cons. We are both sooo excited to take on parenthood. I think we have been adjusting well.

However, I think sometimes DH doesn't realize all that is involved in  the day to day time and handling of a newborn. He helps out but most days, I have the baby to myself through the entire night, and 8 hours out of the day, so when I want his help and get looks from him like he doesn't want to or when he acts like he knows best or what she wants I get frustrated.

I also think at times a lack sleeps leaves me rather moody and I take it out on DH. I have slept in the bedroom only a handful of times in the last 11 weeks, and I can honestly say although the couch is comfy, its not the same.

I am currently planning on returning to work (March 7th) and know that the responsibilities will be a lot more split come then.  And I am currently also looking into a new job cause I think also the stress of having to go back to a place where I am being mis-treated has me upset.

 Another aspect is, lack of feeling attractive or sexy, as I struggle to loose the pregnancy weight. Although DH assures me he loves me more then ever, I look in the mirror and do see how.

So while I think our child has made our marriage stronger, I feel I have been struggling with my self confidence, and stress. Hopefully things will be looking up, I am committed to going to the gym regularly and am beginning to eat healthier. I am also applying everywhere and anywhere, and have an interview this coming week. 

 

Pebbles82

I find that the baby has made me love and appreciate each other even more than we did before. We have been married 4 years and decided last year we were ready to have a baby. All the while I was pregnant I could count on him to  assist me with the household chores and generally take care of me. When our son was born he was there with me right throughout and spent each night in the hospital with me and some time home when I first came home. Subsequent to that he has gone back to work and I'm home all day with the LO. When he comes home on an evening he just takes over and also on weekends. I can also call on him during the night to change a diaper or help calm down the LO when he's colicky. The pregnancy has made me appreciate him  and love him a lot more as a husband and a father.

chelsead83

I feel like I could write a novel about how crappy DH is . I love my DH so very much, but I resent him so much and am so mad at him right now. He will hold DD maybe 10 to 30 min in a 24 hour period and that makes me so mad. We have a 20 month old DS and when he was born he did a great job with him and kinda raised him for about 6 or 8 months because while DH had NO job I had to get 2. Yeah that made me mad also. We are struggling so bad right now and he still has no job. Is not looking for one and really has not even mentioned getting one. He gets all upset and pissed if I even ask him to take care of DD. I wil let him sleep during the day and I take care of the kids (I am on maternity leave till Monday).

 He said he is not going to be able to take care of both of them. What the H-ll am I suppose to do now. I have to go back to work so that we have money for rent and diapers. Oh I could go on and on. If I even try to talk to him about any of this and that I am upset he will start yelling and get so mad. I normally just let things roll off my back and I don't say anything to him which is my fault that I am in this situation because of that.

 I really don't know what to do and I have NO friends to talk to because I have 2 kids that I am taking care of. One being a newborn. Just trying to get this out because it makes me feel better. Sorry for this rambling.

Pebbles82

No need to apologize for your rambling  chelsead83. We understand. I have a friend whose baby was born about 2 weeks before my DS. Her DH doesn't really help her out at all. He goes to work and she is still on leave. He comes home and holds her for maybe 20 minutes in the 24 hour period. She is EBF so she can't get away for a little break. She does all the cooking, cleaning, washing, changing of diapers, feeding,  etc. I guess that is why us mothers have that bond with our kids, we carry them , we deliver them and we ensure that throughout their loves they are taken care of with or without the assistance of their fathers. Just keep doing the wonderful job you're doing.

kcisthebombdotcom

Having just survived the first year of motherhood and starting all over again, it's been a rollercoaster. The first year was full of really great moments and really bad ones too in the marriage department. I would say the first year of parenthood is much tougher than the first year of marriage. The adjustment to our 2nd LO has been much easier, probably because we know what to expect. We tend to get crabby when we don't get enough sleep, but don't really hold it against each other

chelsead83

Thanks Pebbles82. Just by you saying that makes me just ball. I use to be able to talk to my DH about anything but not anymore it  seems so thanks for listening. My kids are my life. And I want nothing but the best for them. At the moment I don't feel that is taken place with my DS and I feel so gulity. I love my babies and since I have heard of Maddies death (https://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/ ) I have learn to appreciate even the worst moments of being tired and waking at 3 and not going back to bed till 8 sometimes. I think about that little girl all the time and her mom and appreciate how she opened my eyes. Why can't my DH see how precious everyday is when we get to see our kids and some don't. But really thank you for responding to my post.

daniellepanda

If anything this pregnancy and the birth of LO has made me somehow love my husband even more. We have been together for 9 years and married 1.5 years so we know each other really well. I had bed rest on and off during my pregnancy for pre-eclampsia and my husband weighted on me hand and food. Made all the meals, did all the cleaning, and assembled all the baby stuff even when I was in crazy nesting mode at 11pm and he was sick he helped me put the decal up in the nursery because I was being emotional. I had an emergency c-section due to the pre-e after induction failed and my poor husband who is queezy at the sight of blood (he couldn't watch me get my blood drawn the whole pregnancy) stepped up in the emergency room, held my hand and took care of LO from the start. He kept track of all the diapers and feedings in the hospital while I recovered. He changed all but 2 diapers in the first 2 weeks after he was born when he was home from work with me, and made sure I took all my medicine on time, made me dinner, made sure I took naps, and helped with nighttime feedings with expressed bm bottles. Not to mention consoled me and assured me i wasn't crazy when I was being crazy emotional PP. This didn't stop when he went back to work either. He still gets up to help at 3am and 6am feedings if LO is crying and I cant get him to go back to sleep, to burp or change him if I ask and also we alternate nights of each of us STTN (have to make sure I pump enough that day).Granted it has only been 1 month but all in all I couldn't ask for a better husband or better dad for my son, and I consider myself very lucky because I know not all husbands help as much as mine does. Even with my stretch mark belly and c-section scar he tells me several times a day how beautiful and perfect I am to him and how lucky he feels.

AppleMomma

With DS our marriage was stronger, this time I'm so exhausted and easily frustrated as is DH we don't seem to have much of a relationship I love him dearly but life is difficult with 2 under 2 right now.

Pebbles82

chelsead83:

Thanks Pebbles82. Just by you saying that makes me just ball. I use to be able to talk to my DH about anything but not anymore it  seems so thanks for listening. My kids are my life. And I want nothing but the best for them. At the moment I don't feel that is taken place with my DS and I feel so gulity. I love my babies and since I have heard of Maddies death (https://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/ ) I have learn to appreciate even the worst moments of being tired and waking at 3 and not going back to bed till 8 sometimes. I think about that little girl all the time and her mom and appreciate how she opened my eyes. Why can't my DH see how precious everyday is when we get to see our kids and some don't. But really thank you for responding to my post.

No problem. I believe that is what we are here for, to help, support and listen to one another. What I find amazing is the fathers who help the least seem to want the most children, not too sure why that is. Is it because they don't assist so it's just a breeze for them?