Allow newborn to self soothe or should I comfort??

mrsmourning0907 · February 2011

My son is 5 weeks old and is usually a good baby but sometimes he cries when he is tired or when I put him down. My mother in law said I should let him cry so that he doesnt get into the habit of me running to him and holding him all the time. I dont think this is good for him at all. Whats your thoughts on this??

starsmaycollide · February 2011

Your instincts are correct. You are not creating habits with a newborn, your MIL doesn't know what she is talking about. Do not listen to people who talk about 'bad habits' when it comes to a newborn baby.

Lucky_Dragonfly · February 2011

thye are too young to know how to soothe themselves yet. you are right to pick him up.

strimble26 · February 2011

starsmaycollide:
Your instincts are correct. You are not creating habits with a newborn, your MIL doesn't know what she is talking about. Do not listen to people who talk about 'bad habits' when it comes to a newborn baby.

This. PLEASE comfort that poor baby.

honkytonk_kid · February 2011

starsmaycollide:
Your instincts are correct. You are not creating habits with a newborn, your MIL doesn't know what she is talking about. Do not listen to people who talk about 'bad habits' when it comes to a newborn baby.

Yes

lilmommalcw · February 2011

I think if your newborn has all his/her needs taken care of, has not been extra fussy that day (so you know they are feeling well), & is full then letting them cry a little bit is okay. I wish I would have done this more with my DS (who is now 4). He has always had an extremely hard time putting himself to sleep. I wouldn't let it do on for very long, but set an amount of time you are comfortable with. & if the cries start to sound different then you can go and check on them, lay your hand on them for comfort.

It's all about being able to understand what your child needs! My son def did develop a bad habit of needing to be rocked, or lay with someone until he falls asleep & it's a very hard one to break! I think your MIL had good advice & I know this is what my mother did with us as well. Just use your own judgement when it comes to advice

heartnurse06 · February 2011

my nurse in L and D said babies dont know they are being spoiled or held too much until 1 year of age. They are so small for a short period of time. Pick up and comfort your newborn, MIL is wrong.

honkytonk_kid · February 2011

lilmommalcw:
I think if your newborn has all his/her needs taken care of, has not been extra fussy that day (so you know they are feeling well), & is full then letting them cry a little bit is okay. I wish I would have done this more with my DS (who is now 4). He has always had an extremely hard time putting himself to sleep. I wouldn't let it do on for very long, but set an amount of time you are comfortable with. & if the cries start to sound different then you can go and check on them, lay your hand on them for comfort.
It's all about being able to understand what your child needs! My son def did develop a bad habit of needing to be rocked, or lay with someone until he falls asleep & it's a very hard one to break! I think your MIL had good advice & I know this is what my mother did with us as well. Just use your own judgement when it comes to advice

For a 5 week old, being comforted by his mother IS a need.

MADforever2009 · February 2011

lilmommalcw:
I think if your newborn has all his/her needs taken care of, has not been extra fussy that day (so you know they are feeling well), & is full then letting them cry a little bit is okay. I wish I would have done this more with my DS (who is now 4). He has always had an extremely hard time putting himself to sleep. I wouldn't let it do on for very long, but set an amount of time you are comfortable with. & if the cries start to sound different then you can go and check on them, lay your hand on them for comfort.
It's all about being able to understand what your child needs! My son def did develop a bad habit of needing to be rocked, or lay with someone until he falls asleep & it's a very hard one to break! I think your MIL had good advice & I know this is what my mother did with us as well. Just use your own judgement when it comes to advice

This. Get to know your child. It took me four 4 weeks to learn their cries and still dont know WHY theyre crying all the time. One thing I always tried to do and still try to do is put my babies down to sleep when they are still awake...

lilmommalcw · February 2011

https://www.babycenter.com/404_how-do-i-teach-my-baby-to-soothe-himself-to-sleep_1272921.bc

This has great advice & is what I was meaning It does recommend you wait until 3 months before you encourage them to self soothe, so I may have been wrong about doing it now, my point was that eventually (from my experience) you may want to consider this.

IncogNeato · February 2011

Follow LO's lead and if he's crying, he's not self soothing!

My LO couldn't self soothe at 5 weeks- no way! Now, at 11 weeks, if she wakes up in the night she will sometimes open her eyes, grunt a little, and then go back to sleep. In my mind, this is self-soothing and I let her do it but get her as soon as she cries. She's learning how to put herself to sleep, basically, but I don't let her cry. Also, I will put her down awake now (which never worked until recently) and she can fall asleep that way. Again, if she cries I pick her back up and comfort her before trying again.

honkytonk_kid · February 2011

lilmommalcw:
https://www.babycenter.com/404_how-do-i-teach-my-baby-to-soothe-himself-to-sleep_1272921.bc
This has great advice & is what I was meaning It does recommend you wait until 3 months before you encourage them to self soothe, so I may have been wrong about doing it now, my point was that eventually (from my experience) you may want to consider this.

That's a good article for an appropriate age, but OP was asking for advice regarding a 5 week old, not a 3-6 month old.

From the article:

"What happens if you've given your baby plenty of chances to self-soothe and he just can't seem to do it? Take a step back and try to figure out why. Perhaps he's simply too young and doesn't yet have the developmental ability to self-soothe, just as a 3-month-old can spend hours on the living room floor yet still won't be able to crawl .In this case, wait a few days, weeks or even months before trying again."

Comforting your child when he cries at 5 weeks does not mean you will be doomed to rock him to sleep until he leaves for college... it means he needs you now. You have plenty of time to teach good sleep habits at a more developmentally appropriate age.

taggiecb · February 2011

I totally believe in teaching your baby to self sooth, but not at 5 weeks. I don't think 5 week old babies are even self aware, never mind so much so that they can realize they can put themself to sleep. Babies at 5 weeks cry because they have a need to be met, that is all there is to it.

ilovemygirls · February 2011

Every newborn is different in terms of their needs. My oldest needed to be held constantly- would cry within minutes of being put down. My youngest could lay there & hang out forever. You need to trust your instinct & pick him up if you feel he needs it. There's nothing wrong with letting a babe fuss for a few minutes- esp. if you're doing something else (ie. showering!) but I completely agree w/a pp who said that being soothed by their mother IS a need at that age. Absolutely.

lulu3061 · February 2011

Your MIL is very wrong. You cannot spoil a newborn. They don't call the first three months "the fourth trimester" for nothing.

MADforever2009 · February 2011

ilovemygirls:
Every newborn is different in terms of their needs. My oldest needed to be held constantly- would cry within minutes of being put down. My youngest could lay there & hang out forever. You need to trust your instinct & pick him up if you feel he needs it. There's nothing wrong with letting a babe fuss for a few minutes- esp. if you're doing something else (ie. showering!) but I completely agree w/a pp who said that being soothed by their mother IS a need at that age. Absolutely.

well said

Danalyn13 · February 2011

laceyjean1:
I totally believe in teaching your baby to self sooth, but not at 5 weeks. I don't think 5 week old babies are even self aware, never mind so much so that they can realize they can put themself to sleep. Babies at 5 weeks cry because they have a need to be met, that is all there is to it.

Exactly this.

SALloyd · February 2011

I was told that bad habits or spoiling doesn't really start happening until about 4 months. So, I day...soothe away. People are going to give you advice on how they think you should react in any given situation, do what you feel in necessary for the issue at hand. Good luck to you