Potty Training Progress

jlw2505

So my DD is a stubborn one it really has showed with the whole potty training thing.  She will be 3 in about 2 weeks.  She started showing interest at 16 months but was so not ready.  Last summer, so about 8 months ago, she started doing wonderful with pee and asking for undies.  We let her wear them and it was a huge fail - gave it 2 months.  She basically refused to poop in the potty but was doing OK with pee on some days and not at all on others.  It was just stressing us all out so we put her in pull-ups so she could go when she wanted on her own but it was not a big deal to me if she went in them so basically used them like diapers.  Late fall she started showing more interest in December again asked for undies, same thing as over the summer - it was a diaster.  In Jan, with her back in pull-ups, we decided to totally drop the whole thing and never remind her or bring it up and see what happened.  What happened is she started going on the potty for pee almost all the time and sometimes for poop.  2 weeks ago, we brought up undies with her and she got super excited.  We told her she needed to start going poop on the potty all the time get them.  Last weekend we bought her training undies and she started wearing them Tuesday (she was with the ILs on Monday and no way was I sending her there in undies for the 1st time).  She kept her pull-up totally dry on Monday but never pooped.  Tuesday and Wednesday at school she had no accidents and pooped on the potty and even went at gymnastics (public bathrooms have been issues off and on since she started this at 16 months).  Yesterday was a little harder and she had 1 pee accident at school and a poop accident at home.  I think she was a bit constipated which is on ongoing battle with her (she gets Miralax daily but I still sometimes need to up the dose a bit to help - she gets this from me, poor girl).  She started in last night with wanting her pull-ups back and we told her they are gone and we are not going back to them and she only wears them for bedtime as she is no where close to night trained.  This morning was great - she didn't want to wear her undies at first but did sit on the potty and told me she didn't have to go but that she had tried.  She had not been off the potty for 5 secs when she told me she had to go (I swear, it always has to be her idea) and she sat down, pooped and pee and put her undies on happily.  My big thing with her is I just can't remind her to go - I really need to let her do this totally on her own.  I have told her the only times I will remind her when to go is the set times that we all follow in our house - 1st thing in the morning, before we leave the house, before/after nap and before bed.

ilovemygirls

jlw2505:

My big thing with her is I just can't remind her to go - I really need to let her do this totally on her own.  I have told her the only times I will remind her when to go is the set times that we all follow in our house - 1st thing in the morning, before we leave the house, before/after nap and before bed.

Okay, I admit I just skimmed that whole long thing but this jumped out to me.  Why can't you remind her to go?  Why does she need to do this totally on her own?  She is not even three years old!  My youngest DD was day trained at age 2 (she was young- I encouraged her interest but did not force) and I STILL have to remind her sometimes at almost 4 to go potty.  For goodness sake, it seems like you have pretty high expectations of a kid who isn't even 3 yet.  Kids can go back & forth w/PT'ing- maybe she's just not ready to go all the way yet.  Mine had a big backslide close to age 2 after doing great for awhile so I decided to give the control to her- do you want diapers, a pull-up or panties?  She chose diapers for a couple of weeks- then suddenly chose panties & never looked back.  PT'ing should be nothing but positive- and every child is different.  Lay off the poor kid and it will happen when SHE is ready. 

neverblushed

ilovemygirls:

jlw2505:

My big thing with her is I just can't remind her to go - I really need to let her do this totally on her own.  I have told her the only times I will remind her when to go is the set times that we all follow in our house - 1st thing in the morning, before we leave the house, before/after nap and before bed.

Okay, I admit I just skimmed that whole long thing but this jumped out to me.  Why can't you remind her to go?  Why does she need to do this totally on her own?  She is not even three years old!  My youngest DD was day trained at age 2 (she was young- I encouraged her interest but did not force) and I STILL have to remind her sometimes at almost 4 to go potty.  For goodness sake, it seems like you have pretty high expectations of a kid who isn't even 3 yet.  Kids can go back & forth w/PT'ing- maybe she's just not ready to go all the way yet.  Mine had a big backslide close to age 2 after doing great for awhile so I decided to give the control to her- do you want diapers, a pull-up or panties?  She chose diapers for a couple of weeks- then suddenly chose panties & never looked back.  PT'ing should be nothing but positive- and every child is different.  Lay off the poor kid and it will happen when SHE is ready. 

My sense is that the OP's statement that she "can't remind" her DD to use the potty was not coming from a stance of high expectations.  I get the impression that OP feels she can't remind her DD to go, because it triggers toddler rebellion and negativity.

I found my kids did better when I said, "It's your body, and it's your poop and pee.  You can make your poop and pee wherever you want to. All kids eventually make ALL their pee and poop in the potty every single time, and soon you will too.  Daddy and I want to help you with this, but it's your decision.  If you choose to wear underwear, you need to do your best to get to the potty on time so you don't make messy accidents.  If you choose underwear, I will help you remember to go potty because that's my job as your Mommy."

For both of my kids, knowing it was their choice was a powerful tool.  The more I nagged and insisted, the more they balked.  When I had the patience and self-control to leave it up to them, both came around to taking responsibility pretty quickly.

Amy720

Sometimes you just can't push kids if they aren't ready.  I work full time and Ben does not go to day care so it has been hard for me to train him.  I also didn't want to constantly have to clean up messes.  I know of friends who have tried to train their kids when they weren't ready and had to clean them up all the time and they are still trying to train 6 months later.  About a month ago, I got the underwear and said Ben it's time.  He started wearing them and has had 2 pee pee accidents and no poo poo accidents.  He goes to the bathroom when he needs too without being reminded.  I think sometimes we just need to take cues from our kids and not worry about what other people think or that they have to be trained by a certain age. 

jlw2505

ilovemygirls:

jlw2505:

My big thing with her is I just can't remind her to go - I really need to let her do this totally on her own.  I have told her the only times I will remind her when to go is the set times that we all follow in our house - 1st thing in the morning, before we leave the house, before/after nap and before bed.

Okay, I admit I just skimmed that whole long thing but this jumped out to me.  Why can't you remind her to go?  Why does she need to do this totally on her own?  She is not even three years old!  My youngest DD was day trained at age 2 (she was young- I encouraged her interest but did not force) and I STILL have to remind her sometimes at almost 4 to go potty.  For goodness sake, it seems like you have pretty high expectations of a kid who isn't even 3 yet.  Kids can go back & forth w/PT'ing- maybe she's just not ready to go all the way yet.  Mine had a big backslide close to age 2 after doing great for awhile so I decided to give the control to her- do you want diapers, a pull-up or panties?  She chose diapers for a couple of weeks- then suddenly chose panties & never looked back.  PT'ing should be nothing but positive- and every child is different.  Lay off the poor kid and it will happen when SHE is ready. 

 

The post below your comment got it 100%  when they said this "My sense is that the OP's statement that she "can't remind" her DD to use the potty was not coming from a stance of high expectations.  I get the impression that OP feels she can't remind her DD to go, because it triggers toddler rebellion and negativity.".  I can remind her and have no issue doing so - she just rebels for lack of a better word when that happens.  She is very strong willed and with the potty, it is up to her in some ways.  If I felt she was not ready, I would not have her in undies but she is ready - heck, she has been ready physically since last summer but she has gone back and forth with the whole thing for 8 months and is now getting emotionally there.  My DD likes for it to be her own thing when she decides to go potty.  I have at times reminded her to go and she will say no and then 2 secs later tell me all proud that she has to go.  She then thinks it was her idea.  If I push her to go, she pushed back.  Trust me, I know that my DD is 3 (or will be in less than 2 weeks).  3 year olds can be very smart in ways.

jlw2505

Amy720:

Sometimes you just can't push kids if they aren't ready.  I work full time and Ben does not go to day care so it has been hard for me to train him.  I also didn't want to constantly have to clean up messes.  I know of friends who have tried to train their kids when they weren't ready and had to clean them up all the time and they are still trying to train 6 months later.  About a month ago, I got the underwear and said Ben it's time.  He started wearing them and has had 2 pee pee accidents and no poo poo accidents.  He goes to the bathroom when he needs too without being reminded.  I think sometimes we just need to take cues from our kids and not worry about what other people think or that they have to be trained by a certain age. 

  I agree 100% - hence why this has taken 8+ months.  I have totally followed her lead and while her accidents are down now a week into it, she is still having them.  Yesterday she had 1 pee accident plus a nap time one at daycare but I don't count that as she is so not ready to sleep potty train yet.  I feel like she is doing really well - when she is in the mood.  If she is having a bad day or is tired, it is not going to go well.